Day 8 of 47 for Lent Plan

On May 25, 2020May 25, 2020 By gaillovesgodIn 40 Days of Lent Bible App Study, blogging, YouVersion4 Comments

GOD, I HAVE BEEN ENJOYING THE BIBLE READING PLAN YOU HAVE BEEN WALKING ME THROUGH. I’M SORRY TO BE SO LATE GETTING THEM ON, BUT WITH YOUR HELP WE’LL GET THEM ON LITTLE BY LITTLE.
NO RUSH. JUST CONVALESCING WITH YOU, AND FOLLOWING YOUR LEAD IN SHARING WITH OTHERS.
YOUVERSION (A BIBLE APP YOU HAVE BLESSED ME WITH)
IS DOING A PLAN CALLED LENT: REMEMBERING THE LIFE OF JESUS.

Day 8 of 47 for Lent Plan – “Jesus Preaches Throughout All Galilee”
Reading: Matthew 4:23-25, Mark 1:35-39, Luke 4:42-44 KJV

Further Study

What things did Jesus do while He traveled throughout Galilee?
– Preached and Healed (and taught)
Jesus healed people with various diseases. List what these were.
– sicknesses, disease, torments, possessed with the devil, lunatics, palsy, casting out devils
What is the reason Jesus gave in Luke 4:43 as to why He was sent?
– to preach

Reflect

Worship: Write down one attribute of God and worship Him for who He is.
– Healer. Thank You, God, for caring about even the mentally ill, no matter kight or severe. All my life anyone who had a mental health issue were simply “mental,” “crazy,” “”off their rocker.” My own Aunt Mildred was treated horribly. We were told not to listen to her or have anything to do with her because “she was crazy.” Later she was found to have been misdiagnosed in her 20s when the doctors told our family she had schizophrenia, put into a mental institution, given electric shocks, and put on medication for life.
The neurologist who treated her for her stroke in 2006 (in her 70s) said the MRI of her brain showed scarring from several small strokes, probably in her 20s, which were worsened by the electric shocks, and left her speech impaired, and gave her severe shaking.
Thank You, God for improving science, medical knowledge, mental awareness, and medications, and society’s improved acceptance. So many were used for jokes and cruelty! My anxiety feels like a curse most days, or a plague that renders the most brilliant and talented doctors ineffective because they are so intimidated or overwhelmed by it. Thank You for education on both sides.
Most of all, thank You for my therapist. Thank You for his patience, his compassion, his understanding, his skill, and all that You give him, and allow him to share with others… like me. Thank You that not all counselors/psychologists are bad. I pray for all of them because even the ones who try to genuinely help, they are human and have their own issues. And though they can’t help cure everything, they are not You either. Only You, God, know the human mind, the human spirit, and the human body perfectly. You allow healing, and You allow illness. Sometimes it is even by Your design.
Thank You for allowing Jesus to be our Wonderful Counselor as Your word says, and thank You for allowing the Holy Ghost to be our Comforter, and thank You for being such a loving Father, and a caring God. You are a good, good Father. It’s who You ARE!You’re a good, good Father, and I’m loved by You! ❤ I love You too! ❤ 🙂
Prayer: Pray for the salvation of people in your life who don’t know Jesus.
Remembrance: Think about a need you have met in someone else’s life. How did that make you feel?
– You bring to mind taking care of Bobby (my stepddad), and Mom as well. It makes me feel humbled, grateful, amazed. I would have thought I was unable to, and that no one else would have thought so either. Especially after I spent many years hearing You clearly telling me to respect Mom with submission until of age, then to move out and do it without any guilt or desire to come back. To continue to respect her as my Mother, and to leave how she was into Your hands, to focus on my own behavior, attitude, and my relationship with You. To remember that I am to be surrendered, submitted, and respectful to You… obedient. You had me carry Proverbs 3:5-6 with me.
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
And, Lord, You are reminding me that I took care of Dad too. I often forget that. I just don’t think of taking care of someone as “something I did.” I’m supposed to do that because You tell me to, and You provide the strength or whatever else I need to do it as You promise. And anything I lack, You always show me purpose in it, and use it mightier than the strength You provide… even for the one who needed whatever it was that I couldn’t give… like healing. Again Your word comes to mind.
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” – (2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV)
Self-Evaluation: Is there any part of you that isn’t well? Whether it’s emotionally, spiritually, financially, mentally, or physically, bring this concern before God.
– Oh, LORD, my dear Father God. I think the positive would be to find what IS well. My spirit is well when I keep my mind on You! That’s why You constantly have me sing, “It is well.” The first line is where my soul is always drawn to AND comforted no matter the circumstance.
“When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say,
“It is well, it is well with my soul!”
It is well with my soul!
It is well, it is well with my soul!”
– It Is Well, hymn lyrics by Horatio Gates Spafford
Even the pain becomes a peace like I can’t put into words, and like nothing else can do. No medicine can touch the peace that passes all understanding! The God of peace provides His peace the way He sees best! ❤
**Side note** This question made me smile after talking with my therapist yesterday (now day before). I will try to make a better effort in making notes. By Your grace and in YOUR strength.

A Kind Act

Write a note of gratitude to Your mail carrier.

My Very Present Help

On October 3, 2019October 3, 2019 By gaillovesgodIn blogging, Uncategorized, Writing63 Comments

“God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.”
– Psalm 46:1 KJV

Lord, I do not know in starting this post what it will be called. And I know I just posted the Share Your Passion Tag 9.27.19 and still have the notifications to do for the nominees while trying to stay awake, but I do know that I need to write this post to and for You! To praise You for what You have done for me in abundance recently, but especially for seeing me through the Transforaminal LESI (Lumbar Epidural Steroid Injection) I had to have yesterday (Tuesday). I was nervous because I had never had one done. I have had many friends and family who had them when having babies, and guys too for back issues. Yet they were always either they did not take despite how many they gave them, how they created pain and damage somewhere it never had before the epidural, and even paralyzed.

Just days before this epidural, I had a dear young friend who gave birth to her 3rd baby. Her husband was reporting she had an epidural because the baby turned breech at the last moment when time to push. Afterwards my friend struggled with severe headaches, neck pain so stiff she could not move her head, and blood pressures running 222/98. The whole in her spine from the epidural was not healing. They went back in and did a blood patch, and within 30 minutes it healed. Praise God she finally starting getting rest and truly healing.

But with all of this on my mind, I was also so stiff and in pain, moving as though I were 90 yr old with a walker again. My neck too gets stuck several times a day, needing a pop 8 out of 10 times because of my cervical issues). I’m on 2 blood pressure pills. Friends and family were noticing and asking things like what happened, are you going backwards, and I thought your new neurologist was good. I was hurting all day from my mid back, to my sacrum, to my hips, to my thighs, to my knees, to my calves, to my feet, and even to my toes. Every one of those parts had moments of weakness and completely giving out with no warning, sometimes multiple parts at a time.

In therapy they are always trying to get my body straight for certain exercises, good posture, and to properly support my spine. When they are working to help me they see I am truly trying, but my legs do not look like they are designed to go straight, as well as my back against the wall and stay there while I do the needed work. When they literally straighten it for me by physically forcing it straight and maintaining the hold, it causes severe pain, especially afterwards. I struggle to walk and within an hour or so cannot walk anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour, sometimes taking a full night and day resting as much as possible, while using my walker to get up and down, to walk to use bathroom, and even to get up and down to use bathroom. And oh how it hurts to bend to try and clean myself, yet I still fail to be able to sometimes.

I say all of this, Lord, because today was the first Dr. B was realizing how “taxing” (his words) it was for me to use my legs to walk, to stand, to do just about anything while having to live in a world where I HAVE to. Yet when he told me to tell my doctor I had to sadly tell him again how they either just keep saying they don’t see why I really complain, or to tell him. He heard it. Just like last time. He does listen. I had to let him know the neurologist he sent me to (neurologist #7) told me not to be doing shots, but I was able to let him know I told her if it wasn’t for the shots I wouldn’t be walking, sleeping, standing, tolerating anything against my back (even a pillow), or anything. I let her know how grateful I was to You, God, for Dr. B. I had told her I was trusting You, and that You led me to someone who was listening and willing to DO what he could, therefore I was to trust whatever he said he needed to do.

Yes I heard the horror stories on those spinal nerve blocks we have done the last 3 years as well, and been told since I was 12 yrs old (the first time I woke up unable to walk and my back hurting, having to be carried to the car and into the hospital) to avoid surgeries, shots, chiropractors, or any back docs as much as possible because I would end up paralyzed. If I was able to walk, then just find something to use as a pain gauge to determine between I’m okay, I really need to sit down, or lay down and do NOTHING until my body allows me. No medicines. And my body could not tolerate cold because it stiffened it worse, increasing the pain and worsening the mobility. The heat seem to just magnify the feel of the pain. I learned to just quietly breathe it out… and not that funny breathing or any of that cry out in pain that just turned out to be more physical exertion. Natural patient breaths. Most of the time having to close my eyes and go inside with You, God, just patiently waiting.

That’s most certainly what I had to do yesterday with You! I don’t usually try to let people know I am in pain because I figure there is no point to burden others when they have their own burdens, and happen to be busy working or serving. I have to work hard at therapy and the doctor’s office because they always ask you questions that you are trying your best to answer to help the doctor, but to tell them WHAT is wrong, WHERE, WHY, HOW do you stop it, are reasons I am there to ask them to tell me. And I understand it is a 2 way communication street, but the strict insurance rules taking on playing the role of the doctor or even God, do not help. You, Lord, have allowed me to manage through the challenges of my spine for 47 years, but have made clear it is time to get answers, healing, help to know what won’t be healing, how to manage and maintain, and to learn how to better communicate to help my doctors.

This was my pain level coming in,
really for the last several months.
Even on the premed and my regular meds.
Especially when using the bathroom. 😦It is most painful when I have to stand for more than a few minutes, like when making a lunch for Anthoni (my son) sometimes for work, or for Bobby (my 85 yr old stepdad) for lunch, or long enough to stand in the kitchen to even fix myself something. I have to lean against the cabinets, fridge, drawers, or shift from foot to foot. It is excruciating when standing for praise and worship at church (and I hate that because of how it steals Your praise, and never fails to get looks of me having attitude, a wrong heart, or even sinful).

And OH!! How I struggle to bend forward to clean myself. That’s embarrassing to say out loud, but I am trying to make this record before my memory fails me as it does every moment of the day. And the depression makes me feel like what’s the point of writing… that’s just trying, and what’s the point of trying if nothing’s going to change, except maybe for the worst. I am trying to openly praise You in a way to thank You for everything You did for me yesterday… in just by BEING THERE WITH ME! And because You often convict me and encourage me to be as open and honest as possible for my dear friends who are suffering their own chronic illnesses and the chronic humiliation that comes with it.

Like our Caz who just went through another excruciating time of her own in (A Very Mini) Mini Me Update), and her only way to escape was to share with us via WordPress, Facebook, email, and photos. The pain, agony, misery, and tears in one being bold enough to be vulnerable while feeling like nothing… to no one… just completely invisible no matter how strong the pain, how loud the shouting, or how honest the tears and anger. Hence the name of her blog and FB… Invisibly Me.

I think of her when I am on that table… praying for the face of the friend I seen in such agony… yet posting for those that she knew were going through their own things, and she wanted them to know they weren’t alone, telling them what rights they have at a time like that, and in those deep desperate eyes crying with the only ones she knows to care about her… to please still be there, please still see me… without you I have no one to see I exist… I am visible. I am here. Without SOMEONE on my side, Invisible is all I can feel. I don’t even see me anymore.

I think of and pray for
Wendi of Simply Chronically Ill,
Jill of Food, Feelings, Freedom,
Kourtney of Defining Yellow,
Caralyn of Beauty Beyond Bones,
Tasha of Pain Warrior Code,
Carol Anne of Therapy Bits,
Maxine of Heaven’s Reef,
Margaret of The Word who has been displaced from her home due to a hurricane months back, and found kindness in strangers who are lovingly sacrificing to provide shelter for her and her husband,
Jen of Jen’s Life,
Efua of Grace Over Pain,
Stu of Something to Stu Over and his beautiful children Brandon and Erin.

Dr. B was very patient, kind, compassionate, considerate, informative, insightful, and very careful with what he was doing. The numbing medicine alone when it kicked in with the premed and my regular meds, immediately decreased my pain down to moderate, but only because he was still working with needles and pressure.Getting off of the table was much slower and challenging than it had been, but Dr. B has helped me many times come off that table in a careful manner, helping me to feel that my feet are on the ground, and that my feet can keep me upright with my head feeling like a floating bowling ball that I cannot control. I kept this face till I got out of the office and into the car. I believe it was really more about feeling ungrounded while trying to walk on it. But praise the Lord for all of that medicine. It was allowing my pain to actually accomplish this last picture representing…

NO PAIN!!So many answered prayers, even if just for the moment.
But God, praise Your Holy name, I’ll take that moment!
And for as long as You will allow it! 🙂
So many have been praying for me, and still are.

I know the ladies of the bible study I am attending with Keitha leading (Redeemed by Angela Thomas-Pharr), the ladies of her church Gracepoint, and several who were attending the ladies banquet at Brown Barn the night before the Epidural are praying fervently for me. (Don’t let me forget, Father, to take my badge back with me for next Tuesday evening, hopefully undamaged)

This picture below shows while I thought I was doing a good job of keeping some excruciating pain under control so that I wouldn’t burden anyone or disturb this awesome night out together in sweet Godly fellowship, actually made my face look like I didn’t care for my picture being taken, as if I were unsociable. I admit I didn’t FEEL like I was BEING sociable, but I still made every effort for Sarah and Keitha particularly!
(Sarah is to my right, and Keitha is behind the camera.)But I am trusting that You will restore to me the ability to genuinely show a smile that represents how truly grateful I am for these sisters in Christ who give so much of themselves… to strangers… to enemies… to persecutors… despite their own health issues (Keitha was wearing her knee brace for her poor knees, and was limping, but very much serving)…. they are doing it all for YOU! ❤

I had to miss this week because it began as I was leaving the doctor’s office.
I look forward to being with the ladies whenever You allow.
And I look forward to getting another Keitha hug! 🙂

As long as this post is, it still doesn’t give proper credit for everything You have been doing for me, especially yesterday afternoon! Thank You, God, more than anything for simply being there with me! When all I could do was keep my eyes closed, go inside with you, and with normal patient breaths keep telling You that I love You! Even when I could not focus to form words, You were still there. Holding my hand, reminding me of past trials and the faith You got me through with.

THANK YOU, LORD GOD!! THANK YOU!
PRAISE YOUR HOLY AND RIGHTEOUS, PROTECTIVE, COMFORTING SELF!
THANK YOU, HOLY SPIRIT, FOR CONTINUOUSLY TALKING WITH ME,
COMFORTING ME!
AND THANK YOU, JESUS, FOR MAKING AN INCREDIBLE SACRIFICE
TO SAVE ME FROM MYSELF,
FROM MY SINS THAT BREATHE DOWN MY NECK SOMETIMES,
FROM FEAR THAN TAKES ADVANTAGE OF WEAKNESS
LIKE ALL COWARDS DO.

❤ I LOVE YOU, FATHER GOD!
❤ I LOVE YOU, JESUS CHRIST!
❤ I LOVE YOU, HOLY SPIRIT!

Gift of the Year 2017: Therapy

On December 31, 2017December 31, 2017 By gaillovesgodIn Gifts 201712 Comments

Lord, you know you are my greatest gift ever, and you gave yourself through your Son Jesus Christ, the love of my life! Yet in praying about this past year, you began overwhelming me with the generous blessings you gifted me with throughout the year. While I am letting you help me get that post together by still taking time to look over everything, you absolutely pointed out my gift of the year… therapy.

When I began therapy 19 months or so ago, I could hardly walk, move my neck, struggled to lift my legs to get in and out of the car, the tub, or to change clothes. It was so painful to sit, stand, walk, or even lay down, or allow my back to touch anything. I was clinically sleep deprived. I went from hardly ever taking meds to strong meds that were not doing a thing. When I began therapy several hours a week, every week, for the last year and a half, Blake did the hand work to my back and neck that finally allowed blood flow, which allowed my medicines to work, and any shot to have better circulation.

When Dr. Buzz began to do blocks, after the first one I went straight home and fell asleep for the first time in months… yes months… years since I could sleep more than 3 hours… and without pain! I was able to improve on personal hygiene, lay on my back, finally elevate my feet, start attending church more often, and tolerate standing better for singing at least a little bit.

In the last year, I have had more types of therapists than I even knew existed. The number of doctors, therapists, specialists, and procedures were just too much, though I kept a daily record. Between medicines, surgeries or procedures, vigorous therapies, medical tests, medicine changes, all while struggling with memory, concentration, the ability to focus, got the best of me several times. I was told it was metabolic, but I needed (and will probably need for life) the medicines just to function.

If it were not for therapy and blocks, I would be in such a miserable state, IF I were here at all. While I wanted answers and relief, and did whatever was asked of me, I had given up in many ways. I had no energy at all because it was all going into doing simple things… sit, stand, walk, use the bathroom, shower, sleep, dress and undress. I thought I was surely losing the battle, especially since I had many other health issues, and all my doctors could see was weight…. thinking it was all about food and me.

I praise your name for the therapy that helped me not to give up, to better communicate with my doctors, and better understand why my doctors thought such incorrect and negative thoughts, learning to better understand what they were asking of me, and if all else fails not to give up trying so that I can know I did everything asked of me.

My dietician therapists were such a supportive team. How can I thank you, Lord, enough for sending my dietician coach? It makes all the difference in the world to have someone on your side, to believe you, and to help you figure out what’s going wrong, or at least how to better deal with it, without giving up.

Towards the end of the year, I was diagnosed with lymphedema and lipedema. Robbie’s vigorous work with my legs and compression made a vast difference in the health of my legs and feet before I was released to begin work with a whole new team of therapy specialists. The most comforting words I heard from complete medical strangers were, “This is fluid, not weight. This is not something you’ve done. This is something that has happened to you. There has been injury to your lymphatic system. The lipedema is fat, but not the kind of fat YOU have gained or could work off. Again it is not something you have done. It is something that has happened to you.” Even if I’ve learned I will be living with it, I finally have answers, and a TEAM of specialists gifted beyond measure.

Lastly, but certainly not least, that one who has helped to learn to communicate better between my doctors as they asked for has been gifted with patience that has saved me from giving up, saved me from going crazy, and has kept me from flying. Every day is a challenge not to lose those battles, but he completely gets it. I am not going crazy to him. I am simply physically frustrated, exhausted, discouraged, insulted, challenged, belittled, bullied, and anxious about what I cannot control or understand… which is a lot. He helps me to pause, to think it out, to regroup, to communicate, and choose to live.

The best gift of all along the way is the many believers you have brought along my path. Missionaries in the medical field. They are absolutely there! Comforting, healing, encouraging day in and day out. And even nonbelievers… you never go without using people whether they are willing or not, even when they have ill intentions, YOU are always on the throne, making beautiful things work for YOUR good through and to them, as well as to me! That’s so you!

Thank you, God, for all of the souls you have brought my way. I especially pray for my regular doctor (aka G.P. or family doc) as she has been sick enough to have to leave the practice for a few months. She was the one who began this journey with me, and signs whatever permissions she is asked to that allow things to continue. You have used her so much, and now I can do nothing to help her… but YOU CAN! I pray for her, and for each one you gifted me with this year. A greater part of the year, they were the only ones I saw outside of home. Thank you for Anthoni’s heart (and finances) to make sure his mom got to all of her appointments, as much as possible, making me promise not to give up. Thank you for being the Great Physician that you are! NOTHING would be possible without you!

Getting gaillovesgodspoetry Started

On November 11, 2017November 13, 2017 By gaillovesgodIn Poetry, Published Poetry, Uncategorized, Writing4 Comments

Hi, Guys! gaillovesgod here letting you know I’ve been working on getting my poetry on a separate blog gaillovesgodspoetry, but as much as I have been struggling to have time and energy to learn how to do things… I am still learning.

I had difficulty with export downloading properly to load to gaillovesgodspoetry, so I gave up, choosing to copy and paste each poem. It means losing the loving and supportive comments, and the followers posting them, but I’m not tech savvy enough to figure it out, and it’s time consuming. My health doesn’t allow me that energy any more.

I do care about each of you who have been so supportive, so I’m leaving on gaillovesgod what poetry has been added thus far, but after also adding them on gaillovesgodspoetry I will post all new poetry there so that I can separate by years, then months, as I always have. There are literally thousands. The Lord led me years ago to do this to allow the testimony of what He has done in my life to show that growth in my writing… the spiritual gift He gave me. You are more than welcome to join me there as well.

The gaillovesgod blog will remain for… devotional journaling, challenges, reblogging as a prayer warrior at times, and simply spending time talking with the Lord, as well as sharing responses He gives at times. I ask your patience with me as I post several posts at a time on the poetry page to catch up. I’ve been checking and you shouldn’t get the notifications unless you have already clicked to follow gaillovesgodspoetry, and they will slow down when caught up.

Any feedback is helpful. Oh… and I haven’t decided 100% on a theme. I still have so much to learn, but with so much therapy (and far more to come) and the latest procedure I had this week, I am constantly falling asleep either as soon as I touch the keyboard, or worse… in the middle of talking with someone. So sorry.

I hope to get back to blogging soon. I even have an award to share… thanks to Lovely A!
Remember…. God loves you!!

Satisfied Hunger

On September 5, 2017September 5, 2017 By gaillovesgodIn Uncategorized3 Comments

The Lord delightfully surprised me in a way that might be trivial to share with you, but meant so much to me. For God to be so personal about it! I love how He keeps doing that, even with trivial things! He loves saying, “I’m thinking of you. Even the little things.”

I was taking my son to work by 4 am. After letting him off, I found myself hungry. I mean hungry people. Remember, I hate to chew, get bored with eating, and when I do eat I pick away at my food. But my medicines sometimes eat away at my insides. I was becoming sick, and getting sicker. But there was a new problem.

From midnight to 5 am, it’s hard to eat without being stuck with McDonald’s. They’re not the worst, but it’s only breakfast and SO greasy! Biscuits or griddles mean having to eat bread. I have a bread thing. Cook Out closed at 4 am. Denny’s closed down a few months back. IHOP and Huddle House are open all night on the weekend, but this was midweek. Only place left… Waffle House (aka Awful House). Ugh… the idea of grease… or breakfast!

My stomach kept getting sicker, so I decided Waffle House so I could eat something besides a burger. I did remembered a ham and cheese omelet years before. I was dreading the grease. I was hoping something was on the menu… spaghetti or something.

It was busy, loud, and cold! I had a light jacket on with short sleeves, and am normally hot. I was freezing, but hungry! The menu was all burgers, patty melts, and breakfast. I avoid ham because of my blood pressure. I was trying to avoid meat altogether. I literally pondered for about 30 minutes. They were so busy, only the cook noticed.

Kayla came to ask me what I wanted to drink. Yes, I did soda instead of water or hot chocolate. After talking about the foods, I went with the classic cheeseburger. It was a dollar burger size. No French fries at Waffle House! I was proud of them! But the only side was hash browns. I was so hungry I just yes! No to the sauce.

Wow! My burger was small and seemed grease free (I knew better). There were large pieces of juicy, crisp lettuce. Two pieces of thick fresh tomatoes… also juicy! The bread was small and light! Didn’t bother me a bit! The hash browns were good. I started with my burger but after one bite of those hash browns, I was eating away.

I realized I was eating and was tempted to think too much. I did not care! I was hungry! My burger and hash browns satisfied my hunger! I thought, “Everybody wants me to eat. I’m eating! And good!” I even ate pie! Oh. My. Word! I’ve not eaten pie in forever! Freddie the cook made it warm and delicious! The pecans were soft! I ate away from the crust, but I ate! I even drank half of my drink!

You think I feel guilty for those who believe I’m overweight because they think all I do is eat, and think I’ve been big all my life? Or because of the struggle TO eat because of hating to chew or thinking it’s boring to eat? No ma’am! No sir! God made my morning! He thought of me personally. My hunger was satisfied. My body felt great! Hydrated! Nourished! Thank you, God, for our time! We made 2 new friends… Kayla and Freddie.