Rachel & Leah Bible Study: Night 4 of 6 (Follow Up)

IMG_20190324_153406What a challenge Week Four has been, Lord, with this study.
But one worth taking no matter what!
Thank You for bringing me along! ❤

IMG_20190330_134706Truth Four:
You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong
.
That’s a powerful statement.

From the moment I left the study and went to our familiar “quiet”place, I was completely… stuck! Completely in another world. It felt like there was this looming cloud following me, ready to burst this shower of love all over me, but I couldn’t see or feel past this gripping fear of familiar darkness that always causes me to feel like I’m struggling to breathe.

I knew this statement was regarding Leah and Rachel, and Jacob. And we were to consider them, as well as the handmaids. But we were also to consider the comparison from a personal point of view. That hit way too close to home, as all of the studies have done since the one we did written by Lisa Harper on Job. Lord, You have been dealing so closely with me, but I do not know what to do with it. You and I both know there are some things that can never be told. Some have already been confessed, as a part of my testimony. But we all have things that must go to the grave with us. To deal with such personal things on an emotional level! Personal pain open to others! 

Physical pain itself has been a lifelong distraction from the emotional pain. I grew up being told we all need to avoid being so emotional. I have been told by numerous professionals and tests that I am a rationalist. My family and friends have always been annoyed with how I am always safety minded.

Now our world says we need to open up. You brought me out from the world, and taught me how to follow You! No one else! No other belief! Your Word! Your Will! Your Way! Yet You have personally been bringing such deep and painful things forth to deal with, to share, and to heal. Yet You also know I am at a loss on HOW, WHAT, WHY. The only thing I have a clue on is Your constant encouragement through those who comment on how my writing/poetry helps them, encourages them, especially the raw truth, the honest, and most of all my constant love for You DESPITE all that has been.

I can easily see why I love You so much. I can easily remember what You have brought me through. But I thought we were at a point where it was all about telling them You love them too! I don’t know how to go any deeper. And quite frankly, I am scared too. Being told something like I didn’t do anything wrong feels so foreign. It’s like when I experience someone’s kindness to me, especially when I did nothing to earn it. I try to figure out why. And it blows my mind that it was just because.

SO anyway… before I take up any more space on this follow up.

Day One was Soul Dysfunction
My daily morning prayer to you, ” Lord, help me not to cling to anyone or anything so much that I would let it determine the worth of my life. Let me put nothing above You. Help me to trust You in all things, including my disappointments. Open my eyes to any secret sins, and help me to rely on Your strength. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Day Two was There’s A Winner
My daily morning prayer to you, “Lord, help me discern between when I am to wrestle, and when I am to rest in You and trust You are wrestling for me. Help me not to be carelessly high minded in my own self wisdom. Help me not to judge others. And help me to celebrate with those who have cause to celebrate what You have done or allowed. Help me not to get caught up in the war of comparison. It is an ugly battle with ourselves.”

Day Three was The Overthinkers
My daily morning prayer to You, “Lord, I am broken for Leah, yet disappointed in her too. Of all things, she had 4 pure blooded sons with Jacob. And they would always be Jacob’s blood sons and always older than any children Rachel or any maids had with him. Jealousy brought two more women into the bedroom, and into Jacob’ bed.”

Day Four was Manipulation Mandrakes
My daily morning prayer to You. “Lord, help me to not have a manipulating spirit. Help me to be honest, fair, and loving. Help me to remember that though the wrong seems oft so strong, You are the ruler yet. This Is My Father’s World. <3

Day Five was You Be You
Another one of those quizzes.
I was MOSTLY 3s… More Than A Conqueror
“Life is challenging, but you are a steadfast fighter. Keep showing up for battle and putting on the armour of God. You know how the story ends! God’s got this!”

I get to praise You too, for the answered prayer of trying to finding Anthoni’s spare key to his car.Yay it was in the bigger coat pocket. Thank You, God!0404190525

I finished my antibiotic for a sinus infection. Less Meds!IMG_20190330_140903

I finish with a song to Thank You for all You do! ❤

Though Your love I have learned I didn’t do anything wrong

When I had tailbone injuries at 3, 10, and 12.
When I woke up unable to walk at 12.
When evil forced itself on a 3 yr old.
When evil turned from a moment to years.
When I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia at 22.
When my leg popped and never completely popped back in.
When I was riding in a vehicle that hit a telephone pole.
When I was riding in a vehicle that slammed into another.
When I was riding in a car that slammed our heads into a rock wall.
When I was tricked into to foster care at 9.
When I trusted authority figures.
When my wrist was crushed at 9.
When my other wrist was jammed at 9.
When no was not taken for an answer… too many times.
When screaming and fighting for my life served no purpose.
When I gave my heart, soul, and life to You! ❤
When I trusted You in continuing to trust people can be good.
When I Turned My Eyes Upon Jesus and looked full in His wonderful face! ❤
When I finally told someone about the sexual abuse just shy of 18.
When I was pushed to the floor and my T1 area rammed into the back of my head.
When I was baptized at 8.
When I kept trying to find a counselor I could trust.
When I refused to have an abortion at 18.
When I took care of my dying mother…
even when doctors warned my health would permanently pay for it.
When I was diagnosed with Lymphedema and Lipedema.
When I went to church even as a single mom.
When I gave up ALL relationships that come between You and me, Lord.
When I gave up ALL friendships that come between You and me, Lord.
When I entered into the best relationship I have ever had in my life with You!
When I wrote this long list of things Satan and the world has tried to convict me of, or continues to try to convict me of, and despite worrying it might be too long, it’s not near long enough, and some things are to remain between You and I!
You understand, God! How grateful I am.

Help me to remember Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and he shall direct thy paths.”

and 1 John 3:20
“For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart,
and knoweth all things.”

 

Blogger Recognition Award 8.25.18

Dear Lord, I am long overdue for thanking You
for Your thoughtfulness through a dear friend… a brother in Christ.
Stu of Something to Stu Over nominated me
for the Blogger Recognition Award back on September 25th, 2018.
img_2145Thank You for sending Your blessings through him.
Shower him with blessings, Lord!

Keep him strong in his ministry and his walk.

Thank you, Stu!
May you always know the embrace of our Lord and Savior!
God loves you!

The Rules:

  • Thank the Blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  • Write a post to show your Award.
  • Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  • Give two pieces of advice to New Bloggers
  • Select 15 or more bloggers for this award.
  • Let each Nominee know you’ve Nominated them and leave a link to your post.

How Gail Loves God got started:
Originally it was a place to privately speak to my heavenly Father. Later the Lord led me to encourage a friend by taking their challenge, while at the same time He was encouraging me to trust Him in opening my settings to Public. The overwhelming responses to me pouring out my heart to my Lord and Savior allowed me to continue to glorify His name, and to tell as many as I could “God loves you!”

2 Pieces of Advice for New Bloggers:
1. Just be yourself! God made you to be who YOU are!
2. Write what you want to write, and however often you want! It’s your blog!

Nominees:
The Showers of Blessings
Run With It
A New Life
Therapy Bits
Sagittarian Seeker
Simply Chronically Ill
Teen Meet God
Becoming His Tapestry
Pure Glory
The Ascender’s Touch
Invisibly Me
Alethea’s Mind
My Way Home
Beholding Him Ministries
Faith and Books
God’s Food Heals
Walking With The Way

Congratulations to the nominees! Please do not feel obligated to participate,
but if you do let me know so that I can read it!
And take as much time as you need!

For those of you who don’t do awards, don’t worry.
I’m just recognizing your blog!

God loves you each one!!

 

2-6-15 Note to You

Lord God,
Thank You for being so personal,
for always being there for me.
Thank You for being the friend
everyone wishes they had
(and do if they give themselves to You).
Thank You for listening to
my ranting, venting, and complaining.
Thank You for whispering, speaking, and shouting to me.
Thank You for holding me
and emboldening me.
Thank You for helping me
get through each trying day.
And thank You for giving me strength
when it feels like I have none.
Thank You for putting up with
my crying, my whining, and my letting You down.
Thank You for forgiving, restoring, and rebuilding me…
to be faithful, strong, and obedient.
Thank You for loving me,
and for being You!

2-6-2015 written by Gail Brookshire

Gifts 2017 #14 Surprises

Christmas Countdown: Surprises are a GIFT: While not all surprises are good, there are many that are such a gift, and can lift one’s spirit. The Lord has sent me many surprises, some of which were so delightful, even more so by the element of being completely unexpected! Thank you, Lord, for Your surprises. Please bless those who bless me, especially YOU, Lord!! ❤

Gifts 2017 #12 (200 Followers, 5,000 Views)

Christmas Countdown: God’s Favor is a gift. I intentionally added the 200 Followers and 5,000 Views so those of you who have been so kind to stop by gaillovesgodblog will know how thankful I am for you, and to praise God for His favor in allowing such growth to happen. I know it’s customary to celebrate every 100 followers, every 1,000 views and other moments, and I know I’ve not done this. I’m not doing gaillovesgodblog for numbers. I did not want to gloat about something that belongs to the Lord. But the Lord has used you to affirm He wants His whispers heard around the world. The hundreds of comments on blogs that have touched you, taught you, inspired you, but more importantly clearly stated that God used it… for whatever reason you commented… THAT is what it’s all about! So let God have His way!
Please hear me say THANK YOU as this week the blog hit 200 people who have signed up to follow every single post, and 5,000 views of the conversations between me and God (some just about Him). You have allowed God to affirm His favor on the very thing I simply followed Him by obeying His whispers. God deserves ALL His glory! HE has allowed this blog to prosper with followers, views, likes, awards, comments, and new friends all over the world! HE has allowed the poetry blog to be just a few views shy of 1,000 already. I am amazed how the poetry has also received so many comments of the God using them… even reblogging. God NEVER ceases to amaze me.
Lastly, I must praise Him for prompting Lene (aka LeneinJapan) to invite me to guest write on her Song of Virginity blog, to give my testimony. Her blog celebrates purity, whether it be as a virgin or a Christian who has been redeemed from an impure past. I was afraid to mess up my testimony, insult God, or tarnish her site. By praying, listening, and obeying God, my testimony Love of My Life – I am His Song TRIPLED the blog numbers in just a couple of days… and kept it growing. Only God’s favor could do that! Praise His Holy and Favorable name!! ❤