Happy Birthday to my Pappy! He’s 74 today, but having his 14th birthday with Jesus.
He has my mom and baby brother with him, as well as many other family & friends.
My birthday present to him is remembering what a good man he was.
He served in the Navy during the Cuban Missile Crisis.
He was on one of the ships held hostage/in the crossfire
of Cuba and America’s famous standoff.
He was up every single day by 5am until he had lung surgery in 2003.
He worked hard, took care of his wife and family,
including those he took in as family,
and did whatever it took to make sure they were OK.
He was a very active and loving granddad to Anthoni.
He gave his all to his family,
and towards his latter years to His heavenly father.
His pastor was his buddy.
And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground. – Luke 22:44 KJV
I’m a little behind on blogging, but to still be doing it at all is progress. My mind is so distracted with other things and other people. As I was giving God my time first this morning, Luke 22:44 grasped my heart. I remembered the word agony in this verse being pointed out in a bible study once. I had read it before but for some reason I had allowed myself to forget that Jesus did not suffer (allow) His pain heroically like we like to preach and teach. It was heroic to do what He was doing, but the whole purpose of it was to suffer “as we do”… to show us He is not “above” feeling pain like we…
**This post was originally posted on 5.14.16 as my 1st post. I no longer have the FB Group page… Gail’s Poetry. And my personal FB remains private and barely open. The only reason I have not deleted it thus far is because several family and friends use to keep in touch, as well as church family. And I watch church services through FB live. The feed is much better. You will also notice no Like or Comment button or section. I can only tell you I was still new to learning WordPress at the time. ** God loves you!
And…. here we go again. Attempting to do another blog. An attempt at putting together my testimony to leave behind… and share while I am here. Praying that my testimony praises my God for what he has done for me throughout my life, and continues to do now. I have attempted to do a couple of them before but never can find the page again, or as with Myspace… lost access when the space was exiled. I do still have my poetry page on Google with a brief testimony for when addressing someone with what it meant for Jesus to come into my life. It was even originally made to be public for anyone and everyone, as opposed to my private FB account, but eventually I made a little security to keep the ranters and haters out, but then made it to where no one can even comment because of family. I do have a separate poetry page as well in a private group on my FB called Gail’s Poetry, but I have to invite anyone. It’s really to keep from filling up the news feeds too much.
This blog is an attempt to more honest and open, as that has become my biggest hindrance… in writing… speaking… thinking… communicating… socializing… living. For the earliest part of my life through my early twenties I was always a VERY quiet person, kept to myself, not speaking, but using one word to answer (literally if I could get away with it, and usually did), and spoke only the needed answer. That all changed in the early 1990’s. What happened, you ask? Life! It’s not like I didn’t have enough to talk about already. It’s just all of the tragedy and danger of my childhood always called for silence to survive, along with making no sign of emotion. If people could figure out my thoughts and feelings, they used them against me… to protect themselves and to gain more access to more power. In 1990, I discovered talking as a way to get through dangerous situations, and learned that it could keep people away. The more I escaped having to worry all the time, the more I awakened.
That’s right. Gail awakened. Life before that was just life. I would say it was about trying to survive, but I didn’t even know I was trying to survive. I didn’t even know I was in danger. Not only did I not realize that things that weren’t right were not normal, I didn’t even know I was here… literally. Death had been just as much an occupant in my life as people that I knew as family. That will make for a blog or two some time. For now, this is to get this page started. The hardest part is being honest. I have never wanted to shame my dad, my mom, or any of my family and friends. Telling my testimony, sharing what God has brought me through, even as a summary does that. With both of my parents now deceased, my grandparents, brother, so many family and friends, I still do not wish to shame them, but I know that they will not have to take it personally or ask me to change my mind when they themselves encouraged me to write, to tell it like it really is, and to not be ashamed. They were ALL supportive of my writing and were so proud of me. That was the word they used.
But it will still be a struggle as nowadays I have family that gets so mad at ANYthing I say… literally. If I write a personal FB post, they get so upset. Also, the last time I attempted to “tell my testimony” as the churches so passionately preach, I was told it was too inappropriate for church. That it needed to be cleaned up. I don’t use foul language or anything like that, but sex has been a part of my life since I was 3 years old.
That’s the earliest I can remember anyway. Yes it’s disgusting to mention a 3 year being molested, but how do you think the 3yr old felt… and wouldn’t you like to know the beautiful purity God has restored for her? So please pray for me. I do not wish to offend God or fellow believers. If it is my responsibility to give God all of His glory for my testimony, then He deserves every bit of truth. Every time these subjects have come up in life, those going through the same thing (nonbelievers at that) are always telling me they wished I would tell my story, that someone from the church needs to be honest. That there are so many people who will never see a church, and there are few people who will be honest about their testimony.
Lastly for this post, let me just that yes, I did notice my bad grammar, punctuation, and possibly misspelled words. But that’s just me. You wouldn’t know that I graduated from 2 colleges…. AB-Tech with an A.A. (Pre-Liberal Arts) Degree, and from Montreat with a B.A. (English Literature). What an insult to them, but this blog is about… my testimony is… gaillovesgod! Cause that’s what my life has ALWAYS been about. Yes God was the one doing the loving me until I had a chance to meet him, but that is what a relationship with Jesus is all about. We love Him because He first loved us.
So until next time… I leave this post to start. I don’t intend to add anyone right now unless they ASK to be added so that I can have time to figure out what I am going to do if those family members read. Eventually my testimony is meant to be public. And I have to tell the ugly so that God can get the glory for the restoration. There are so many people hurting and going through the same… or worse. They need to know someone loves them, and they need to know it’s God. They need to know that loving Him is NOT going to take away the pains of life or the possibility… the LIKELIHOOD of more tragedy. But they can know that going through it with Jesus makes ALL the difference in the world. And the best part is that I can’t wait to get to the part of the testimony where I get to share what He gives me, bless me with, and so much more NOW… every day… just by being Himself!
Here alone with just You and me.
That’s the way I like it to be.
You alone within my heart and soul
Can make me feel completely whole.
When peace escapes my fretting mind,
It’s You I need to seek and find.
When burdens weigh my soul to the ground,
You bid me, “Come. Lay them down.”
You place Your arms beneath to carry,
Then linger still just to tarry.
When darkness lies to my searching eyes,
You help me to see through the disguise.
You light my world and set me free.
You smile and say, “My child, it’s Me!” 🙂
Thanks for coming for me! ❤
Written by Gail Brookshire PS. I love You, Father God! ❤
What a wall of darkness You present as my path. I pause to pray, “Is this guidance or wrath?” Urged in Your peace, I slowly go through. I’m afraid of this scene, but I want to follow You. You tell me to trust Your hands holding back the sea. You provide a fire light at night, and a cloud by day to shade me. This won’t be a quick run. This won’t be a mad dash. This will be a journey of faith just before our enemies clash. Coming out of the waves, I join You on Your shore. I watch as my enemy will be no more. Closing the wall of darkness, You throw my enemy in the depth. While I am in Your arms, he has met his death.
3-15-15 written by Gail Brookshire
Inspired by Pastor Jimmy and his Moses… A Man for the Ages
Frayed mind. Short circuit.
Unsure of how to work it.
Calloused heart. Dried well.
There will be no crying spell.
Damaged weapons. False alarms.
Strategic boundaries. Fine lines.
Everyone hides behind.
Wayward sinner. Prodigal son.
In Bethlehem it was begun.
Tainted daughter. Alabaster box.
Anointing oil for His dear cause.
Rolling stone. Bright ascension.
Before God our names are mentioned.
Tender mercy. Sweet salvation.
We have received reconciliation.