Trust Him With Everything

It has been just like God to bless me with the poetry He gives me to minister to me… not just from being the first to read it… but to remind me in times when I need it most! Thank You, Jesus! I love You!

gaillovesgodspoetry

If you’re gonna trust in the Lord, go all the way…
Trust Him with everything.
If you say you trust Him to look after you,
But keep doubting things you hope for,
Or things you know He expects of you and for you,
How can you say you trust Him?
That would really be more like saying,
“I trust You, Lord, but I’ll take care of the most important things.”
If you do not completely surrender your trust to Him,
Maybe you’re not trusting Him at all.
If you trust God to hear your prayers,
Meet your needs, and fulfill your life,
Then trust Him with what it takes to get it all done.
Give Him your soul, heart, mind, and body.
Give Him everything He has loaned to you.
If you know He’s all knowing and wise to protect,
Why would you doubt Him?
I know fear and uncertainty…

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Rachel & Leah Bible Study: Night 4 of 6 (Follow Up)

IMG_20190324_153406What a challenge Week Four has been, Lord, with this study.
But one worth taking no matter what!
Thank You for bringing me along! ❤

IMG_20190330_134706Truth Four:
You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong
.
That’s a powerful statement.

From the moment I left the study and went to our familiar “quiet”place, I was completely… stuck! Completely in another world. It felt like there was this looming cloud following me, ready to burst this shower of love all over me, but I couldn’t see or feel past this gripping fear of familiar darkness that always causes me to feel like I’m struggling to breathe.

I knew this statement was regarding Leah and Rachel, and Jacob. And we were to consider them, as well as the handmaids. But we were also to consider the comparison from a personal point of view. That hit way too close to home, as all of the studies have done since the one we did written by Lisa Harper on Job. Lord, You have been dealing so closely with me, but I do not know what to do with it. You and I both know there are some things that can never be told. Some have already been confessed, as a part of my testimony. But we all have things that must go to the grave with us. To deal with such personal things on an emotional level! Personal pain open to others! 

Physical pain itself has been a lifelong distraction from the emotional pain. I grew up being told we all need to avoid being so emotional. I have been told by numerous professionals and tests that I am a rationalist. My family and friends have always been annoyed with how I am always safety minded.

Now our world says we need to open up. You brought me out from the world, and taught me how to follow You! No one else! No other belief! Your Word! Your Will! Your Way! Yet You have personally been bringing such deep and painful things forth to deal with, to share, and to heal. Yet You also know I am at a loss on HOW, WHAT, WHY. The only thing I have a clue on is Your constant encouragement through those who comment on how my writing/poetry helps them, encourages them, especially the raw truth, the honest, and most of all my constant love for You DESPITE all that has been.

I can easily see why I love You so much. I can easily remember what You have brought me through. But I thought we were at a point where it was all about telling them You love them too! I don’t know how to go any deeper. And quite frankly, I am scared too. Being told something like I didn’t do anything wrong feels so foreign. It’s like when I experience someone’s kindness to me, especially when I did nothing to earn it. I try to figure out why. And it blows my mind that it was just because.

SO anyway… before I take up any more space on this follow up.

Day One was Soul Dysfunction
My daily morning prayer to you, ” Lord, help me not to cling to anyone or anything so much that I would let it determine the worth of my life. Let me put nothing above You. Help me to trust You in all things, including my disappointments. Open my eyes to any secret sins, and help me to rely on Your strength. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Day Two was There’s A Winner
My daily morning prayer to you, “Lord, help me discern between when I am to wrestle, and when I am to rest in You and trust You are wrestling for me. Help me not to be carelessly high minded in my own self wisdom. Help me not to judge others. And help me to celebrate with those who have cause to celebrate what You have done or allowed. Help me not to get caught up in the war of comparison. It is an ugly battle with ourselves.”

Day Three was The Overthinkers
My daily morning prayer to You, “Lord, I am broken for Leah, yet disappointed in her too. Of all things, she had 4 pure blooded sons with Jacob. And they would always be Jacob’s blood sons and always older than any children Rachel or any maids had with him. Jealousy brought two more women into the bedroom, and into Jacob’ bed.”

Day Four was Manipulation Mandrakes
My daily morning prayer to You. “Lord, help me to not have a manipulating spirit. Help me to be honest, fair, and loving. Help me to remember that though the wrong seems oft so strong, You are the ruler yet. This Is My Father’s World. <3

Day Five was You Be You
Another one of those quizzes.
I was MOSTLY 3s… More Than A Conqueror
“Life is challenging, but you are a steadfast fighter. Keep showing up for battle and putting on the armour of God. You know how the story ends! God’s got this!”

I get to praise You too, for the answered prayer of trying to finding Anthoni’s spare key to his car.Yay it was in the bigger coat pocket. Thank You, God!0404190525

I finished my antibiotic for a sinus infection. Less Meds!IMG_20190330_140903

I finish with a song to Thank You for all You do! ❤

Though Your love I have learned I didn’t do anything wrong

When I had tailbone injuries at 3, 10, and 12.
When I woke up unable to walk at 12.
When evil forced itself on a 3 yr old.
When evil turned from a moment to years.
When I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia at 22.
When my leg popped and never completely popped back in.
When I was riding in a vehicle that hit a telephone pole.
When I was riding in a vehicle that slammed into another.
When I was riding in a car that slammed our heads into a rock wall.
When I was tricked into to foster care at 9.
When I trusted authority figures.
When my wrist was crushed at 9.
When my other wrist was jammed at 9.
When no was not taken for an answer… too many times.
When screaming and fighting for my life served no purpose.
When I gave my heart, soul, and life to You! ❤
When I trusted You in continuing to trust people can be good.
When I Turned My Eyes Upon Jesus and looked full in His wonderful face! ❤
When I finally told someone about the sexual abuse just shy of 18.
When I was pushed to the floor and my T1 area rammed into the back of my head.
When I was baptized at 8.
When I kept trying to find a counselor I could trust.
When I refused to have an abortion at 18.
When I took care of my dying mother…
even when doctors warned my health would permanently pay for it.
When I was diagnosed with Lymphedema and Lipedema.
When I went to church even as a single mom.
When I gave up ALL relationships that come between You and me, Lord.
When I gave up ALL friendships that come between You and me, Lord.
When I entered into the best relationship I have ever had in my life with You!
When I wrote this long list of things Satan and the world has tried to convict me of, or continues to try to convict me of, and despite worrying it might be too long, it’s not near long enough, and some things are to remain between You and I!
You understand, God! How grateful I am.

Help me to remember Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and he shall direct thy paths.”

and 1 John 3:20
“For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart,
and knoweth all things.”

 

Walking the Walk, #1 Color Walk

Ok, Lord. Here we go. Just you and me… on these 50 Walks of Lovely A’s Walking the Walk challenge that she posted on her Discovering Your Happiness. I am looking forward to each new walk. That is why I waited patiently for you to provide the Color Walk and the Texture Walk (though I was so eager to begin). The day I tried to begin I only came across that picture at lymphedema therapy on the wall, and that I posted on “NEW” Series, # 1 Walking the Walk. I even corrected the numbers on the title to correlate with Walking the Walk, #1 Color Walk.ltw6Everyone seem to love it so. You surely blessed them as you blessed me when I saw how beautiful those rich colors were. You brought my camera to mind, and I snapped the picture. But I didn’t want to give up a quality walk with you out there in your world, and the challenge did include making a collage.

  1. Colour walk – Bring a camera/phone look for the brightest colors, make a photo collage of your collection.

The first day that you provided out, you allowed me to think about snapping a picture after my doctor appointment. Just before I got into the car I saw an abundance of leaves of different kinds. The different colors got my attention, but it was texture that you brought to mind (so those pictures will be in Walking the Walk, #2 Texture Walk). As I continued my busy day, I found the only moment I was going to have with you was while putting something on my very empty stomach. And then I noticed… colors in my meal. The salad alone was so rich in color… and very tasty! 🙂

I was able to collect and create my first collage. No it was not flowers, or leaves, or the beautiful scenic Blue Ridge Parkway where I had hoped to spend time with you. Though that is my favorite spot, it was closed because of ice. It was not by a lake or anything outdoorsy. But it was you… whispering in my ear… to pay attention to the blessings you were providing… and that the walk was about you and me… with YOU leading… not me.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and he shall direct thy paths”
 – Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV

The picture you had provided at lymphedema therapy was enough to you. It was the perfect example of how often I wish to walk with you and serve with you, but just as often feel like I fail you because my health leaves me in a bed. What kind of walk, or testimony, or life is that to give back to you? It has been a long hard journey to find peace in my walk, my testimony, and my life being YOURS. There are others who cannot get outside, some not even out of there bed. And there will still be days that put me back in mine. Where you are… is where my heart walks. And you tell me… where I am, there you walk with me.

“And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.”
In the Garden, hymn lyrics by C. Austin Miles