- How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
However old I really am. 😉 If I were able to be how old I feel, I would be 21! It’s the closest age to being a child without having to give up my legal rights. But I have no right to my life. It belongs to Christ. I freely gave it to Him because He gave His for me. ❤ I am the age He has given.
- Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Depends if God is saying “Do” or “Be still and know that I am God”
- If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Paul addressed that very thing in Romans 7. It’s because we are in the flesh until the day we die, therefore evil is present despite the good.
- When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
That depends on God’s will for my life… if God says, “Speak of these things” or “Keep Guard over the door of thy mouth”
- What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
That ALL would know and love the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost!
- If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
God’s will… Lord willing, that would be writing.
- Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I am doing what I believe in… trusting God with my life.
- If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
There are things I would like to change, but I trust I am who I am in Christ by leading the life that God designed and allowed specifically for me.
- To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
0% God has always had control and always will!
- Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
They should be the same, but if I am doing God’s will, both are covered.
- You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
Say a quick prayer under my breath as I calmly but firmly point out to the three “friends” their behavior and/or comments, asking how they would feel facing such ridicule and humiliation from a friend. Offering support to the friend being unjustly attacked.
- If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
God loves you! He created you. He loves you, and He always will! ❤
- Would you break the law to save a loved one?
If we are talking about rushing to save someone in a deadly situation, of course I would not worry about traffic laws or such; but if we are talking about doing just anything to save a loved one from something they should not be doing, and helping would be enabling or justifying a wrong behavior… then no! God is the only one who knows what’s best in each situation. Trust and Obey.
- Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
Yes. In my writing. Not by my doing, but by His.
- What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
I go to God about every single thing in my life, regardless of how trivial it may seem. If God says, “No” when the world says, “Are you crazy? Everyone does.” So be it! If God says, “Yes, absolutely!” when the world says, “Are you crazy? No one does.” I don’t care! If it bores, annoys, or offends that is their problem. It is not my desire to do those things, but I ought to obey God rather than man!
- How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Well the things that make me happy are God, so anyone who does not care for God will not be happy with Him. Everyone finds happiness in different things.
- What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Fly! A passport, money, opportunity, fear, anxiety, God’s blessing.
- Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
It’s always possible. I trust God to let me know, or have me just let go.
- If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
Australia! God has placed so many friends in my life that are from Australia, and He uses Lovely A and a few others to keep that hope alive!
- Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
Of course. Slightly. It doesn’t “push” the elevator but it does encourage the sensor that is waiting on a set time before the door closes to detect a need to close. I learned this from some electrical engineering buddies.
- Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
A joyful simpleton so that I could experience God’s abundant joy! ❤
- Why are you, you?
Because God made me, Me! 🙂
- Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
I wish I could say yes, but that would be dishonest to my friends… especially to my best friend Jesus!
- Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
They are equally unfortunate. They are both sad situations.
- What are you most grateful for?
Jesus dying for me on the cross to reconcile me to my Father ❤
- Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
This is a painful one to answer, as most days I feel like I am struggling with both. They are both cruel. They both rob you of friendship, love, family, support, and anything else. If God allows my choice, I would do neither. It would mean never remembering Him and His great love. 😦
- Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
Yes. To know Christ is to know the way, the truth, and the life. He doesn’t mind us challenging Him or the truth. But it is not necessary.
- Has your greatest fear ever come true?
No. And according to God’s Holy word, He promises it never will because I gave my life… my soul… to Him.
- Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
I do remember extremely upsetting things from 5 years ago. Of course they matter now. They remind me of what Christ has brought me through.
- What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
swimming. I loved to swim! I loved the feel of the water… the feeling of being wet. I loved feeling my body float… pain free! ❤ I miss it!
- At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
This is another hard one because I don’t have passion for anything other than loving Christ. If it weren’t for that I would struggle to feel life. When improvements in my health gave me the hope that I could run again, swim again, live again. But that was tragically replaced with a cruel reality. Now I find what life I can in being able to walk and live. Dreaming of flying makes me smile. Walking (or flying) with Jesus makes it all worth while.
- If not now, then when?
I really don’t care about this kind of question. It just exhausts me to even think about. Christ… everything for me is about Christ. Including living!
- If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
Writing and flying are what comes to mind. I’m doing one, and following God for when He will allow the other.
- Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Yes. It’s a good feeling. It happens all the time with Christ! 😉 ❤
- Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Because they have to defend against those who hate.
- Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
Yes! Absolutely! By reading God’s word, praying, and trusting God.
- If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
It would depend on if I liked the job I was doing, or if it was what God called me to do. He could either be supplying money to change jobs, or support the one I have.
- Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
I would rather have what God wants to give me, where He wants to give it.
- Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
- When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
When God called me to leave my church, even though I loved them so much.
- If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
As many unsaved souls that God knew I could reach for Him!
- Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
- What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Being alive is just physically being here, pretty much like a 100% brain dead bedridden patient. Truly living is living life abundantly… with joy… doing!
- When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
When God has made it clear it is His will.
- If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Because we have learned the cost it takes to endure a mistake… the energy. We fear we may not survive the next one.
- What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
live… sing… fly… live… abundantly!
- When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
As I was typing this. I noticed I am becoming… have been exhausted, and wonder if I will make it through this before falling asleep.
- What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I love Christ! Yes! Not only does my username say so, but I try to tell everyone in any way I can. If all else fails, I have at least declared my love for Him! ❤
- In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
Lord willing. Only He knows. Only He can! Allow!
- Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
I am absolutely letting Christ make them for me! It doesn’t mean I lay down and do nothing. Quite the contrary. I am actively seeking to do what He expects of me each day! I have decided to follow Christ, and that makes me accountable! Faith without works is dead! A testimony testifies for or against the one who openly proclaims.
Lord, the way this was formatted did not allow for me to write this as a letter to You, but You understand the format of my heart. I pray these answers glorify You. They are as true as I understand them to be. I pray they do whatever You have intended for Lovely A’s “Ask Yourself“, as she asked me to answer these. I hand them over to You! In the Lovely name of Christ Jesus, Amen! ❤
I’m losing… it. The storehouse of faces I’ve loved. Those voices I once heard whispered in my ear. Those unmistakable laughs. Those unforgettable moments I was dying to tell. Those corny jokes told again and again, but I loved the one telling them. Those little arms that came along with little smiles and wide eyes. Those exciting and luring moments that seemed too hot to forget. And all of those things that made me who I am… by knowing who I am… and knowing who I am not. Memory. That’s my it. So when I say I am losing… it, I am not joking. I am losing… my memories. I am losing… me.
It sounds so selfish to say it like that. But, Lord, how can it be selfish to be concerned about my heath. It’s not healthy to lose everything you have done in me to make me who I am. I am going to lose all of that as well. I am losing the verses, the hymns, the parables, the commandments, and the beautiful love letter your Son left us in the book of John. Worst of all, I am losing everything I know about you, your Son, and your Holy Spirit. My reason for living.
My friends used to call me “human rewind”. I was the one who remembered birthdays, anniversaries, and even phone numbers and addresses long before cellphones. I could verbally playback songs, note for note, ooh ah for ooh ah. I made extra money on jobs because of articulation, pronunciation, accentuation, and remembering the details of products, customers, and all sorts of info. I was given leadership roles in work and college organizing resources of information because I had pleasure (really a need) to keep things in some form of order for immediate access.
By your grace, I memorized countless bible verses, even chapters. You allowed me to memorize the whole book of James. I knew the ten commandments fully. I knew the books of the bible, new and old, in chronological order. I learned so many hymns, in their entirety, not just their popularity. I was asked by church to do a writing ministry because I was already sending cards for birthdays, anniversaries, new babies, weddings, graduations, get wells, and just because. They offered to keep me in supply of stamps, cards, and whatever I needed as they handed me a directory and told me to let them know whenever I found mistakes.
Now… now I’m lucky if I can finish a conversation without fumbling, or rambling, forgetting, or sounding like the high school drop out I was (my high school teacher, who was teacher of the year with NCAE and our school several years running, urged me to quit school to get my G.E.D. and go on into college in fear I was getting bored with school), or a nervous rambling wreck unable to at least keep my focus on topic. I find it extremely hard to remember the simplest of things if they’re not written down. Even then, I have to remember they’re written down already, or at least put a note where I hope I will see it. And my editorial skills, well they speak for themselves.
Friends and family are hurt that I cannot remember their special days, even more by my asking them to write it down… again… and again. They are offended by my writing the same notes I have written again and again over very personal matters, some that they only entrusted to me. They ask me not to write any more. I have not been the one who everyone comes to for everything for quite some time. They no longer trust my wisdom, my confidentiality, or my ability to be genuine.
Most days, I am struggling with medications… having to take them, having to trust them, and having to be careful of them. A couple of years ago I only had a couple of prescriptions to take as needed, which wasn’t often. Now I take 9 to 11 on a daily basis. Some I take more than once a day. I have to be careful discussing this because we have family/friends we have to hide meds from. So I have to hide them and remember. I have to write down what I take so I can remember when they’re due, and catch myself before I accidentally take meds on top of each other, and sometimes when I have already taken them again it gives me a window of time… to know when I’ll be ok. As long as I get to write these things down, it helps.
Lord, it’s hard. It’s scary. It’s depressing. It makes it easy to give up, especially when I see the hurt I put on a face, or when I disappoint those I love, and I mean disappointment that sticks for life, the kind I know from my own personal experience, and to know there’s nothing I can do about it. On top of this, losses in my life and my family have been many and continue. The people who once asked me to let them help, or asked me to be their help are not here to vouch for what I’m like, what I eat, what I’m allergic to, what health issues I have, or anything else that I will eventually have no control over. My life will be at the mercy of strangers. All I can do is pray they are your strangers, with your wisdom, your compassion, and your favor.
How does all of this feel? That’s all anyone ever wants to know. Didn’t I just say that… hard, scary, depressing, easy to give up, helpless, hopeless, disappointing, lonely, frustrated, and there’s nothing I can do… but pray. And I do.