We Learn The Hard Way

O that thou hadst hearkened to my commandments!
then had thy peace been as a river,
and thy righteousness as the waves of the sea.
– Isaiah 48:18 KJV

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

It Is Well hymn lyrics by Horatio G. Spafford 1873

Sometimes it takes the hard way to get through to us, but I thank You, Lord God, for being a loving, patient, merciful Father who is also an ever present help in time of need! Your silent presence speaks volumes! ❤ Peace like a river! ❤ I love You!

3rd Year WordPress Anniversary

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Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com!
You registered on WordPress.com 3 years ago.
Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging!


Praise You, Lord, for 3 blessed years on gaillovesgod!
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.
– 1 Corinthians 15:58 KJV

Complete in Thee! no work of mine
May take, dear Lord, the place of Thine;
Thy blood hath pardon bought for me,
And I am now complete in Thee.

CHORUS:
Yea, justified! O blessed thought!
And sanctified! Salvation wrought!
Thy blood hath pardon bought for me,
And glorified, I too, shall be!

Complete in Thee—no more shall sin,
Thy grace hath conquered, reign within;
Thy voice shall bid the tempter flee,
And I shall stand complete in Thee.

Complete in Thee—each want supplied,
And no good thing to me denied;
Since Thou my portion, Lord, wilt be,
I ask no more, complete in Thee.

Dear Savior! when before Thy bar
All tribes and tongues assembled are,
Among Thy chosen will I be,
At Thy right hand—complete in Thee.

Rachel & Leah Bible Study: Night 5 of 6 (Follow Up)

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Whew! Lord, am I so glad You are in my camp! Thank You! Some days it seems this exhaustion just gets worse, and that’s with me doing nothing but sleeping as much as I can! I am especially glad You were with me this week as the doctors are trying to help Bobby with his struggling to breathe. Unexpected appointments, quickly carrying equipment back and forth, having to run back to the car so many times because it was so warm I left my jacket in the car, but everything is my jacket because I just can’t carry everything, so I leave my purse in the car.

A lot of those places Bobby was waiting in the car during my appointments or getting something they say he needs, but it’s so hot he got out of the car. Honestly, I usually have to go find him if he did not go in with me somewhere with me to begin with. I typically find him leaving smiles on faces on those who are so patiently allowing him to wait in their lobbies. They love that he’s 85… short… and so friendly. I always hear the words… cute… and sweet.

How does any of this have to do with the study from this week… Her Gain Is Not Your Loss? You know, Lord? This is far from a rant or complaining. It’s every bit of praise to You! I know we still have the rest of the week to go, but that’s why You’ve been giving me so much sleep! I have no idea why I’m waking up as though I could go right back to sleep for a couple of years, even when I sleep night and day, but I surely love the peaceful feeling it gives. I am so numb, and in a fog. Sometimes it keeps me from stressing because I cannot remember anything other than that very second, and all I can feel is… whew… so grateful to have got what felt like 3 or 4 moments of sleep (that was 6, 10, or 12 hours)… or whew… feeling so tired I wished I could just lay back down and sleep my life away.

IMG_20190408_081103I will admit one thing I have tried to avoid bringing into this study is the battle that seems to go on between me and my sister. I figured because I did not compare myself to her, nor envy her, not begrudge, her, that I really didn’t see my need for this study. I love my sister. Unfortunately she does want to argue with me, accuse me, turn everything into a competition, and hates for me to have confidence because she believes I am saying I think I am better than she is. I was convinced mentioning anything would be me speaking ill of my sister. But this week really showed me something about comparison… and me.

My sister struggles to rejoice with me because she feels like it means something towards her. And if she sees my tears, she is either quickly cruel to say things like “You’re not actually crying are you?” or she will leave the room or make some kind of get away with the clear intention that I watch her do it. She has told me all of these things and more. This has happened for so long along with me trying so hard to figure out why or how I send these messages to her. I try so hard to get into her head to avoid this, that I unknowingly start to compare myself… thinking less of myself.

IMG_20190408_081143Day One: Facing Insecurity
Facing insecurity is a great way to describe comparison because even if I do not think I am better than someone else, God, You don’t want me thinking less of who You made me to be. I am not suppose to allow my mind to doubt, and worry, and take blame where there is no need for it. If I am saying something needs change or I am not good enough that is a silent form of pity and not accepting who I am in You. I may not mean to, I may even be pushed into it, but only You can say I belong wherever I am, know exactly what trials You do or do not want to walk me through, and why You need… want my confidence… in YOU!

IMG_20190408_081229Day Two: Desperate Desires:
Lord, while I wrote You a note in the book about being glad You allowed me to finally come home, when I read those two words… desperate desires... how can I not think of my health. And when I read that instruction You gave to “Go back to the land of your fathers and to your family, and I will be with you,” I can’t help but think of yesteryears when my desperate desires were to go home… night after night. While I never thought it would happen, You answered those prayers. I know You hear my prayers now, and are teaching me to accept and live my new normal, trusting the one who designed it.

 

IMG_20190408_093058Day Three: Leaving Laban
How many times in my life have You led me away from Laban, and Laban being my family too. It’s hard leaving people you love and are supposed to be able to live together in trust and helping one another… rejoice as they rejoice, and weep as they weep. I remember how hard that was to do with a little one, and several times through his childhood, up through college… all to follow You, and live as You teach. It’s amazing how six people can grow through life together under the same roof (most of the time) while living six different lives, but that was us.

IMG_20190408_081556Day Four: Comparison’s High Cost
You are absolutely wise to warn of the high cost of comparison because that is exactly what it does. It costs us the relationships with those we are comparing ourselves to, even if the only one we are comparing to or about is our self. Laban comparing himself to Jacob cost him the relationship he first enjoyed with him, and it cost him his daughters, and all of his family. Rachel and Leah paid the high cost of not being able to rejoice in the birth of each other’s children, and robbed them of the ability to console one another on loss. It cost them a relationship as a sister to the other. The comparison my sister insists on, and my comparison to lessen and blame myself continues to cost us and our family. And it’s so sad because we really need each other, just as Rachel and Leah needed each other. But You knew it would not be their path. Sometimes the only way we avoid the cost of a relationship with You is in abandonment of all and who we know, or be abandoned by them.

IMG_20190408_082725Day Five: You Be You
There was another pop quiz at the end. Sometime these tests are hard to answer because it forces to choose answers that are KIND of what you would say. For example question one was answered by what usually happens. When a bunch of strangers get together (especially with kids) it is one loud activity that usually comes in the form of questions… Do you go here? How long have you been here? Which one’s yours? Question two would not be about coffee because I don’t even like coffee. Yuck! 

IMG_20190408_082810Question three was answered with fear of not knowing where we’re going, and being used to being the one who gets the directions and visits through Google earth before our family goes anywhere. Question four I would actually sit anywhere, including the front. I actually prefer it. I can see and hear better, and am less distracted from“comparing everything and everyone.” I am too busy praying for those singing and preaching. That takes a lot of faith. Question five is pretty much the same as three, trying to combat fear of the unknown.

IMG_20190408_082841Results:
I came out tying with Mostly 2s, You’re excited about unseen work.
Ironically, thought the tests are opposite of how I think I answered, the result is right in that I am excited about unseen work. How crazy is that to be afraid of people, yet loving working in their lives… wanting them to know God loves them?

The other I tied with was Mostly 5s, You’re excited about new relationships.
How crazy is that!! It’s so true, yet I am always so afraid of people! I want to love them as God says. I so want them to know God’s love and have their own personal relationship with Him, but I can literally be so terrified of people. Even the ladies of this study, as much as I love them as dear sisters in Christ. Yet God says that’s excitement for new relationships??

This study is coming to an end, but its affect and teaching will still be going on for as long as God sees fit. And that’s a good thing. He always is! ❤

The key thing He has taught me is that
comparison is a battle with self.
If I fix my mind on Him,
I will dwell less on me.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and he shall direct thy paths.”

– Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee:
because he trusteth in thee.”
– Isaiah 26:3 KJV

Rachel & Leah Bible Study: Night 3 of 6 (Follow Up)

IMG_20190324_152647So here we made it through another week, Lord. I am so grateful You sent me through it with Truth Three: You Don’t Always Have to Be Okay with me because it really helped me get through my exhausting week.  Just to have the freedom to say that out loud… allow myself to be honest with myself, and the world… sure took a lot of unnecessary stress off of my already weary flesh.

IMG_20190324_152658 (2)I am grateful for what You gave us in 1 John 5:14  “And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:” But You know, Lord, I struggle with confidence because people always accuse me of trying to think I’m better than they are when I am trying to remain confident. I’m glad You allow me to hear “believe Me and what I tell You” when it comes to Your word.

IMG_20190324_160500I forgot to mention last week I was so tired I wore my pajama top that night, and the next day to appointments and therapy. I need some long sleeved shirts, especially if Your going to keep winter hanging around any longer. However, I was just too tired and wanted to make sure as soon as I got home, I could get right in the bed. I fell asleep in the chair… a common thing for me. I woke up in the night to get in the bed and under covers.

Lord, I know I spoke a lot about being so tired, but I did take from our lesson too. I do care about what happened regarding Leah, Rachel, and Jacob… and the handmaids. Comparing their circumstances does bring to light many of the principles You warn us of. But in looking at them with the intention of comparing our own circumstances can be so hard for me. Quite often I have to skip those things that first come to my mind and deal with my health issues instead.

Day One was It’ll Be Okay, Just Not Today.
My morning prayer to You was “Lord, help me to see Your sovereign hand over my life… health and all. Help me to trust You with my “not okay” days, to be able to express it when necessary, and with those who persecute me for not being what they want or need of me. Help me to pray for them.”

Day Two was This Is What It Feels Like.
My morning prayer, “Lord, this is what it feels like to start another day of the rest of what is left of my life? Help me to start each one grateful for the day You have given, that You are with me, and that at the end of the day nothing will have happened without You. Help me to trust You more and more, as I already do. I love You! <3″

Day Three was Her Three Sons
My morning prayer, “Lord, I don’t know where You’re taking me with this study, but if You have designed for me to find myself in the actual details of the study, lead me and help me. If it’s just about comparison and it’s still about my health, lead me. Whatever this is about between You and me, about my secret sins, even a lack of confidence, whatever it be, open my eyes, my mind, my heart, and lead me. No matter what. I love You!”

Day Four was But This Time
My morning prayer, “Good morning, Lord. Thank You for the day. I pray this day and everything in it (including Anthoni’s spare key)  into Your hands. I would pray for Leah, and Rachel, and Jacob, if it weren’t too late, but I do pray for those stuck in complicated situations like this, of any kind. I pray for Samson’s too. I love You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Day Five was You Be You
It didn’t have a place to write a daily morning prayer to You, so whatever I prayed is not written down. It was however the quiz I shared. This one tested on how we view or use our Sundays.
I was Mostly 3s… Your Sunday style is: Refreshingly Rejuvenated.
Blankets, leggings, and Netflix – oh my! Whether you or sleeping or just enjoying some down time, Sunday is your time to unwind and rest.”
Well, praise Your Holy name. Isn’t that what You designed it for… a day of rest.
🙂 Thank You! And thank You for changing my Netflix to Pure Flix! ❤

IMG_20190324_153916I have so many things I need to catch up on. And it doesn’t help that I am always falling asleep while trying to do them. SO I consider it a gift from You to be able to rest.

IMG_20190324_161817To give my swollen feet much needed elevation.

IMG_20190324_160547And to do puzzles with or without listening to sermons or Your music.

IMG_20190324_153748And to reflect on the study You have give me for the week.

Thank You for all You have given me in just reminding me “You don’t always have to be okay.” A lot of times I made it this week on the strength of remembering to say “I’m not okay. And that’s okay.” Sometimes I felt like saying, “I’m not okay. And it’s NOT okay.” That is a whole other answered prayer in itself. I would say that is for another blog, but I will leave that to You.
Thank You for letting me trust You! Thank You for being trustworthy!
And thank You for pouring Your love out to me in the touching comments from my fellow bloggers… my God given friends from around the world. I pray for them, Lord! And thank You for the loving support from the ladies in the bible study... in the hugs, comments, and listening ear… and for whoever gets my prayer requests. I pray for them. And thank You for the love You show me through caring medical professionals. Especially those who have become such good friends. Thank You for their comments, hugs, advice, and the time to just sit and listen… and talk… to each other… sharing and learning from one another. I pray for them each one.
And thank You for my family! They are such a gift from You! Especially my son! There’s not enough space on WordPress to thank You for what family does! Bless them, Lord. I pray for them!
And dear Lord, where would we be without church family! I know where I was before I gained one… and two… and three… and a world full of brothers and sisters in Christ. There’s probably not enough space on WordPress for You to tell me what they do for me! But I thank You for all that You through them. The hugs, love, cards, advice, and most precious of all… sharing You! And a love for You! Invaluable!

Rachel & Leah Bible Study: Night 1 of 6 (Follow Up)

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Lord, This is meant to be a note to follow up for those You are allowing me to share the bible study You are currently allowing me to do.
Rachel & Leah: What Two Sisters Teach Us About Combating Comparison.
Written by Nicki Koziarz. 

To follow the theme of Week One:
You Need To Be Honest,
RLLBS.2019.10I need to be honest in saying I did not get a chance to even do my homework until the the last hour or two before night 2. I was pulled off in a parking lot and realized right off… Oh no, this was a daily homework thing. So I did the best I could. Look for questions and comments I could answer.

I made it back to the church and realized I didn’t even bring in a camera. Thank You for the picture from last week! At least I remembered to bring the Bloom book by Caralyn, and the Coloring Journal. I gave those to Keitha (an assignment from You that took months to achieve.) I sat down with the ladies just in time before we began.

While we were having snacks and sharing our discussion, it would be right near the last conversation that You gave me a very clear message from Keitha! She was talking about the verse we were using for the week…

Psalm 139:1 “Lord, you have searched me and known me.”

In the homework it had said to read verses 1-16 of the chapter, and advised reading the whole chapter. I have loved this chapter for so long, so of course I read it all. When Keitha started talking about God knowing our thoughts… ALL of them… and still loving us… and she said this with excitement and amazement… and a “Girlfriend!” added on….

THAT was the whole week for me right there!

I hadn’t even realized that was the lesson. Because while I did have the nerve block that wiped me and left me feeling so amazingly calm and good, and very tired, I also struggled with thoughts! All kinds of random thoughts of past abuse, childhood memories, the filth I lived, the filth I’ve seen, the cruelty among people, family problems, sibling fighting, and more. These questions in the study just from the 1st night had stirred a lot of this. And as much as I would pray to the Lord for forgiveness and help to resist these thoughts, especially to stop interfering with praying and getting things done, it seemed like a battle I was losing. The only determination I seemed to follow through on was getting something read before night 2!

And there it was… YOU KNEW MY THOUGHTS! AND LOVE ME ANYWAY!
I felt You personally saying… “And that was YOUR lesson for the week.”

From there I sensed Your leading to do a follow up to what I learned in the week, but this week it is exactly what the theme was… I have to be honest and say I didn’t get it read until just before night 2. Which meant I did not get anything accomplished between the physical issues and my thoughts, but I DID learn MY lesson for the week.

YOU KNOW ME! YOU KNOW MY THOUGHTS!
AND I AM STILL LOVED BY YOU! ❤

That’s what the verse had been all week…
Lord, thou hast searched me and known me! – Psalm 139:1

When Keitha said, “That’s what it’s all about. He knows where we are, what we are going through, what’s coming at us, and the thoughts we can’t seem to get away from. Girlfriend, He even knows when it’s all our own doing. But He loves us!” You immediately brought to mind the song You have just recently introduced me to… Known by Tauren Wells.

If I just allow myself to be honest about whatever is coming between You and me, no matter how much I fear I shouldn’t have that problem if I have You, no matter how much I fear You will be disappointed, and I just don’t want to do anything to hurt You. But in being honest, I am trusting You with what You already know… ME! No matter what comes at me or I simply need to hand over to You, I need to trust You.
I want to trust You! I do trust You! I trust You like no one else!

Lastly, You give me Jeremiah 17:7-8
“Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.”

30 Posts Challenge: #1 Introducing Myself

**originally posted 6.13.17**
(While I have been sharing the posts that I began with on this blog, this post was actually the first one I went public with. The Lord was leading me to encourage a dear friend, all the while using her to encourage me.)
That’s our God! ❤

gaillovesgod

Hi, my name is Gail. You should know that if you’re reading this, but it goes with the purpose of this blog post. I have accepted a 30 posts Challenge from a friend to share different aspects about myself. So as I embark on that challenge on a blog page I already have, I open the access to the page (during the challenge), and to me… and the most important thing you should ever know about me… gaillovesgod!
Being open is actually pretty nerve wracking to me, as I am a private person. I always make sure to tell everyone it is not about me. It’s all about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Yes I am very sociable at times, but there are several people who are frustrated to this day because they have yet to hear a word from me despite hours of class, church, or spending hours…

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Don’t Even Consider It (Originally Posted 5.26.16)

**Originally posted 5.26.16**

gaillovesgod

Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. – Isaiah 43:18 KJV

Good late afternoon. I’ve been trying to read with God, although the hours brought many distractions. As I was thinking how things are so different since so many family and friends have died, little pieces of the past kept emerging in physical form. There were memories, notes, and legal documents. This all while even my reading was on… the past.

God used to communicate to us through our fathers and the prophets, but now he speaks to us through his son Jesus Christ.
God, who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets, Hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds” – Hebrews 1:1-2 KJV.
There is hope in…

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