Gifts 2017 #1 God, Time, Life

Christmas Countdown: GOD has given me the gift of HIM!! Whenever I am sad… burdened… overrun by enemies… exhausted… worn down… or even not my best 4 HIM… HE’S still there… with me… 4 me… inside me! He is an ever-caring, omniscient, omnipresent, GOD who loves walking with me… sitting with me… carrying me. HE is definitely a gift! I don’t deserve HIM. Praise HIS glorious name it is not about what I deserve! ♥ Love you, LORD

Time is a GIFT. Whether it be a lifetime with loved ones, or a brief visit with a loved ones, time is such a beautiful thing. Yet God tells us when we get to heaven, there will be no more time…. cause we will be with our loved ones (which includes him) FOREVER ❤ Praise you, Lord my Manger King! ❤

Life is such a GIFT, and the Lord allowed today’s gift to be a very blessed one! Thank you, My King, for your gift of love in each day. ❤

 

The Gift of Kindness

Dear Lord, how kind You’ve been to me through so many. I was writing to You the other day about Losing… It. I had a very challenging day because I am mixing up my appointments, my medicines, even my conversations. The next day was just as bad with my making it to an appointment I “didn’t have,” and “did not” have a follow up because I had “not” the conversation I thought I had with my therapist. At least I wasn’t missing one! 😉 I had to bring these things to You.

“If I be wicked, woe unto me; and if I be righteous, yet will I not lift up my head. I am full of confusion; therefore see thou mine affliction”
– Job 10:15 KJV
“In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.”
– Psalm 71:1 KJV

It was all I could do to stay awake under the wheel. I had not eaten, so in trying to do so I found myself waking up choking on my food. This is where my son took the wheel, and kept an eye out on for me eating. Once we got home I was able to finish a part of my meal and fell asleep.

“There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God.”
– Hebrews 4:9 KJV

I slept from 6:30PM and woke up at 3:30am… without even a flinch. This is a big deal for me because of my struggle to sleep. It helped that my son had the night off, and I had no morning appointments. I used the bathroom, ate a bite to take more meds, and within in an hour fell asleep again until 9am. I awoke rested, and was able to rest peacefully for 3 hours while doing devotions and check in online. Oh did You allow the kindness to continue!

“And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.’
– 2 Peter 1:7 KJV

“Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.”
– 1 Thessalonians 5:11 KJV

So many kind and encouraging comments from others. Such emboldening comments from fierce prayer warriors and encouraging warriors! The battle that was waging on my behalf! Wow the thoughts I’m ashamed to say that were not in range, but You sure shot them my way with Denise, Piers, Arnya, Margaret, LaBranda, Natasha, Heather, KJ, Anita, and so many others through likes and e-mails. How delighted was my soul, lifted by Your loving edification. WordPress itself is filled with such a rich community of believers, and those who have chosen that good thing that will not be taken from them. They took the time to stop, listen, and encourage.

“And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”
– Luke 10:41-42 KJV

Being so rested actually makes me feel like I’m in a strange fog… like I’m out of place… and need to get myself together to be capable… and yet I feel too peaceful to rush just yet. How about we just led You lead, and trust the rest of the way to You. That sounds and feels much better. How about I follow Your wisdom. How about I just appreciate the abundant joy found in Your kindness, and in the kindnesses of those You send my way. You are so beautiful in all Your ways! Help me to trust them… always!

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”
– Proverbs 3:5 KJV
Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.”
– Proverbs 30:5 KJV

Losing… It!

I’m losing… it. The storehouse of faces I’ve loved. Those voices I once heard whispered in my ear. Those unmistakable laughs. Those unforgettable moments I was dying to tell. Those corny jokes told again and again, but I loved the one telling them. Those little arms that came along with little smiles and wide eyes. Those exciting and luring moments that seemed too hot to forget. And all of those things that made me who I am… by knowing who I am… and knowing who I am not. Memory. That’s my it. So when I say I am losing… it, I am not joking. I am losing… my memories. I am losing… me.

It sounds so selfish to say it like that. But, Lord, how can it be selfish to be concerned about my heath. It’s not healthy to lose everything you have done in me to make me who I am. I am going to lose all of that as well. I am losing the verses, the hymns, the parables, the commandments, and the beautiful love letter your Son left us in the book of John. Worst of all, I am losing everything I know about you, your Son, and your Holy Spirit. My reason for living.

My friends used to call me “human rewind”. I was the one who remembered birthdays, anniversaries, and even phone numbers and addresses long before cellphones. I could verbally playback songs, note for note, ooh ah for ooh ah. I made extra money on jobs because of articulation, pronunciation, accentuation, and remembering the details of products, customers, and all sorts of info. I was given leadership roles in work and college organizing resources of information because I had pleasure (really a need) to keep things in some form of order for immediate access.

By your grace, I memorized countless bible verses, even chapters. You allowed me to memorize the whole book of James. I knew the ten commandments fully. I knew the books of the bible, new and old, in chronological order. I learned so many hymns, in their entirety, not just their popularity. I was asked by church to do a writing ministry because I was already sending cards for birthdays, anniversaries, new babies, weddings, graduations, get wells, and just because. They offered to keep me in supply of stamps, cards, and whatever I needed as they handed me a directory and told me to let them know whenever I found mistakes.

Now… now I’m lucky if I can finish a conversation without fumbling, or rambling, forgetting, or sounding like the high school drop out I was (my high school teacher, who was teacher of the year with NCAE and our school several years running, urged me to quit school to get my G.E.D. and go on into college in fear I was getting bored with school), or a nervous rambling wreck unable to at least keep my focus on topic. I find it extremely hard to remember the simplest of things if they’re not written down. Even then, I have to remember they’re written down already, or at least put a note where I hope I will see it. And my editorial skills, well they speak for themselves.

Friends and family are hurt that I cannot remember their special days, even more by my asking them to write it down… again… and again. They are offended by my writing the same notes I have written again and again over very personal matters, some that they only entrusted to me. They ask me not to write any more. I have not been the one who everyone comes to for everything for quite some time. They no longer trust my wisdom, my confidentiality, or my ability to be genuine.

Most days, I am struggling with medications… having to take them, having to trust them, and having to be careful of them. A couple of years ago I only had a couple of prescriptions to take as needed, which wasn’t often. Now I take 9 to 11 on a daily basis. Some I take more than once a day. I have to be careful discussing this because we have family/friends we have to hide meds from. So I have to hide them and remember. I have to write down what I take so I can remember when they’re due, and catch myself before I accidentally take meds on top of each other, and sometimes when I have already taken them again it gives me a window of time… to know when I’ll be ok. As long as I get to write these things down, it helps.

Lord, it’s hard. It’s scary. It’s depressing. It makes it easy to give up, especially when I see the hurt I put on a face, or when I disappoint those I love, and I mean disappointment that sticks for life, the kind I know from my own personal experience, and to know there’s nothing I can do about it. On top of this, losses in my life and my family have been many and continue. The people who once asked me to let them help, or asked me to be their help are not here to vouch for what I’m like, what I eat, what I’m allergic to, what health issues I have, or anything else that I will eventually have no control over. My life will be at the mercy of strangers. All I can do is pray they are your strangers, with your wisdom, your compassion, and your favor.

How does all of this feel? That’s all anyone ever wants to know. Didn’t I just say that… hard, scary, depressing, easy to give up, helpless, hopeless, disappointing, lonely, frustrated, and there’s nothing I can do… but pray. And I do.

 

Thankful 2017.5 Prayer Warriors

Lord, tonight I am mindful to thank You for prayer warriors. I have a friend who wants me to go to a Christian Concert with her. As I was checking out the details online, as she had asked me to do, I called her to give her the needed info. She was having a very scary spell. She was having a racing heart rate and feeling pretty much like she did last year when she ended up in the hospital because she had passed out. They determined it was her heart. She was scared but doing a great job to intentionally calm herself. She was home alone for this moment. She wanted to avoid the hospital. So we talked for a bit. Then she went for a walk to wind down some more. When she returned we talked some more.
While she was on her walk, my stepdad prayed with me for her. He is such a prayer warrior. Day and night. If you ask him to pray, he stands, sometimes takes your hand, and takes a name before Your throne. No hesitation. No timidity. He prays. He praises. He trusts You to answer before he is even finished praying. I thank You for prayer warriors, and for allowing me the privilege to be one. May I always trust everything and everyone to You! And as I close this note, I pray for her again. Look after her, Lord. You are her comfort, and her healing. We trust in Your name, in Your Word, and in Your promises. In Jesus’ loving name, Amen.

New Diagnoses and New Therapies

I struggle to stay awake. I fall asleep while trying to read or write, or encourage, then awaken in spells as well. My brain strives to keep up with what I am doing. Thank God for copy and paste to transfer the poetry. Lord willing, I will get back to blogging… in His perfect timing. After adding 2 diagnosis (lymphedema and lipedema) to the many others, my regular physical therapy that is usually 2 hours of work, tens, and ice/heat/gameready twice a week has been adding new treatments. They have been helping tremendously with my legs, feet, and overall swelling. I am told I am blessed to not have it as extreme as some, but still have it significantly enough to need intense therapy to get ahead of it. My therapists work me good, and I appreciate it!
This last week was another thoracic facet block, so the pain and exhaustion has caught up with me. It usually does between day 3 and 5, and wipes my energy. I can tell a good difference though, so I praise God I will benefit from it all. And of course it means I was blessed to spend some time with Dr. Buzz and the girls. God continues to use him mightily.
I will begin some intense physical therapy of a different kind in December. I am amazed at how many different kinds of physical therapists there are. I have lost count of how many different kinds I’ve had. God has used them all! But I must give a huge thank you to Robbie for being so attentive, thoughtful, and extremely mindful of my therapy recently. God has truly gifted him! And I can’t forget Ali and Katie! Ali is so very patient with me! She and Katie keep things so entertaining as well. 😉 Praise God for each of them. And Praise God for ALL of my therapists! When you are so thoughtfully praying for me, please remember to pray for my therapists, doctors, nurses, and all those the Lord is using to send me healing and/or comfort.

Getting gaillovesgodspoetry Started

Hi, Guys! gaillovesgod here letting you know I’ve been working on getting my poetry on a separate blog  gaillovesgodspoetry, but as much as I have been struggling to have time and energy to learn how to do things… I am still learning.

I had difficulty with export downloading properly to load to gaillovesgodspoetry, so I gave up, choosing to copy and paste each poem. It means losing the loving and supportive comments, and the followers posting them, but I’m not tech savvy enough to figure it out, and it’s time consuming. My health doesn’t allow me that energy any more.

I do care about each of you who have been so supportive, so I’m leaving on gaillovesgod what poetry has been added thus far, but after also adding them on gaillovesgodspoetry I will post all new poetry there so that I can separate by years, then months, as I always have. There are literally thousands. The Lord led me years ago to do this to allow the testimony of what He has done in my life to show that growth in my writing… the spiritual gift He gave me. You are more than welcome to join me there as well.

The gaillovesgod blog will remain for… devotional journaling, challenges, reblogging as a prayer warrior at times, and simply spending time talking with the Lord, as well as sharing responses He gives at times. I ask your patience with me as I post several posts at a time on the poetry page to catch up. I’ve been checking and you shouldn’t get the notifications unless you have already clicked to follow gaillovesgodspoetry, and they will slow down when caught up.

Any feedback is helpful. Oh… and I haven’t decided 100% on a theme. I still have so much to learn, but with so much therapy (and far more to come) and the latest procedure I had this week, I am constantly falling asleep either as soon as I touch the keyboard, or worse… in the middle of talking with someone. So sorry.

I hope to get back to blogging soon. I even have an award to share… thanks to Lovely A!
Remember…. God loves you!!

 

Corrective Concern

Such a small hand
to have to place correction,
but when he is lost
I am his direction.
Such beautiful eyes
to ever shed a tear,
but when he’s in danger
I must say, “No, Dear.”
What a beautiful smile
to ever see turn down,
but when he’s being hateful
he’ll end up with a frown.
What a shame to hear a laughter
scream into a cry,
but when he’s endangering others,
I can’t stand by.
I love my child so much.
I just want to keep him safe,
but it’s so hard to be authoritative
when you hear them cry and play.

3-27-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)
PS… Of course I wrote this thinking of my little one when he was little ❤

Absentminded (Response)

Lord, You amaze me! You delight me! You answer me… personally! Just the other day I wrote to You about being Absentminded. I was so discouraged over not being able to keep my focus on You continuously. Yet this morning I awakened to a devotional that was absolutely from You to me… word for word… and You helped me to pay attention!

11.1.17 Wednesday devotional

DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED by the difficulty of keeping your focus on Me. I know that your heart’s desire is to be aware of My Presence continually. This is a lofty goal; you aim toward it but never fully achieve it in this life. Don’t let feelings of failure weigh you down. Instead, try to see yourself as I see you. First of all, I am delighted by your deep desire to walk closely with Me through your life. I am pleased each time you initiate communication with Me. In addition, I notice the progress you have made since you first resolved to live in My Presence.
When you realize that your mind has wandered away from Me, don’t be alarmed or surprised. You live in a world that has been rigged to distract you. Each time you plow your way through the massive distractions to communicate with Me, you achieve a victory. Rejoice in these tiny triumphs, and they will increasingly light up your days.
Jesus Is Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence by Sara Young, November 1

The verses that went with the devotional were these:

“Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.” Romans 8:33-34 KJV

“Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” – Hebrews 14-16 KJV

Word for word, Lord! You heard every word and replied from Your heart!
“Don’t be discouraged in this life. See yourself as I see you. I am delighted by your deepest desire. I am pleased each time you initiate. I notice the progress you have made. Don’t be alarmed or surprised. You achieve a victory. Rejoice in these tiny triumphs. Light up! (I highlighted the words You emphasized for me.)

Even the scriptures are to remind me… who am I to charge God’s elect (myself) when You have justified me? Who am I to condemn myself when it is Christ who hath died for me, rather risen for me, and sits at Your right hand praying for me? Seeing I have a great High Priest (Your Son Jesus) that is passed into the heavens, I am to hold onto my profession (my resolve) to live in Your presence because I have a High Priest who has been personally touched by His own dread of the future, who was discouraged by the lack of His own friends being there when He needed them most, and who asked His own Father (You, Oh Lord) to take away the unpleasant challenge He was facing but willing to trust You with even the unpleasant, and even struggled in the human flesh He had taken on in remembering that His Father had NOT forsaken Him, regardless of what the human mind thinks when in agony.

After reading, listening, and hearing You, these hymns are placed on my heart today.

In The Garden lyrics by C. Austin Miles
And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

I Must Tell Jesus lyrics by Elisha A. Hoffman
I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus!
I cannot bear my burdens alone;
I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus!
Jesus can help me, Jesus alone.

Victory In Jesus lyrics by Eugene M. Bartlett, 1939
O victory in Jesus,
My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me
With His redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew Him,
And all my love is due Him,
He plunged me to victory,
Beneath the cleansing flood.

I’m to follow the example of my Savior Jesus Christ by coming In The Garden alone to spend time with you. I am to come boldly before the throne of grace no matter what is going on with me because I Must Tell Jesus. He has been there and done that. He has experienced the fear, the distractions of the world, the dread of things, along with a desire to change things but willing to trust You with exactly the way things are, and the panic of a mind to feel like You have forsaken us while in reality You are right by our side.

When I cry to You that I cannot see You, hear You, feel You, and am so certain You must not be with me, You so loving remind me that when I gave my heart and soul to Jesus, I became Yours forever. You let me know that what I feel deceives me, what I think deceives me. I am a child of the King! When I come to You no matter my lot, that is a victory. I am to rejoice even in the tiny triumphs as You give me victory after victory because through the blood I have Victory in Jesus… every day of my life! In every moment of my life! This victory lights my way and lights my spirit. And while I may not be able to fully achieve a lofty goal of never failing you “in this life,” praise Your Holy name I WILL finally achieve that goal and worship You every day of my eternal life! ❤

Give to God What is His

Give to God what is His.
He made it a loan to you.
He wants to see our faithfulness,
our cheerfulness too.
Honor God in praise
as He so deserves.
He has no pleasure
in being reserved.
Honor one another
as He has us.
Patience, mercy, forgiveness
are just.
Give to God what is His
without His needing to ask.
His pleasures are forever.
His love will always last.

11-4-11 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

One Horrible and Final Day

There is so much coming our way
one horrible and final day.
Anyone not under the blood of Christ
will be given to believe Satan’s lies.
Death and destruction, torture forever
will swallow those who think they’re clever.
God does not wish for any to perish.
What He created, He loves to cherish.
He wants all to love one another
and to rescue our dying sister or brother.
Encourage one another in these hard times.
Protect and guard our own wayward minds.
Beloved, don’t get distracted with woe.
For the blessed hope of eternity we know.
Keep our mind’s eye on the things above.
And rest in knowing God’s faithful love.

10-29-11 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

Absentminded

Absentminded according to Webster’s 3 definitions are
1. lost in thought and unaware of one’s surroundings or actions 
2. tending to forget or fail to notice things
3. indicative of or resulting from preoccupation or absence of mind

All these describe where I have been… at least to those whom I’ve been in the presence of physically with my mind completely somewhere else, Lord. No matter how hard I try to stay present or attentive, I can’t seem to be where I am. Even when praying or trying to read Your word, I’m so distracted that I cannot think or read. Maybe it’s too soon for the organic sunflower seeds to help, but they still taste good! (Thank You for Brandy’s tip).

Seriously though, this is very annoying considering I am trying to finish a book due back at the library pretty soon, and need to start the one I just checked out. And annoying doesn’t begin to properly address not being able to take in Your word.

To make matters worse, my mind goes where it does not need to be. It thinks on thoughts not healthy to think on. I’ve not given up on trying to give this to You. That is why I write now. So we can deal with this. Face it head on. The best thing to do is to bring this to You, this inattentiveness, this absolute absentmindedness, and leave it at Your feet.

I so easily miss conversations, needed information, cues that my name was called upon, too easily confuse my meds and their timings, and neglect priorities and individuals. Trying to respond, or keeping on top of things feel so impossible. But I know who is on top of all things and that is YOU! You are not caught off guard by anything that gets by me, nor forget anything I fail to even hear. You know what is going on… around me… and inside of me… better than I do.

This confusion and escape seems to be too often for my comfort, as I would like to have no problems at all. But as I know You are the God who hears, heals, and answers, I will trust this into Your hand, and keep listening to the songs You use to minister to me.

For just like the song says,
I know You’re able and I know You can. 
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand.
But even if You don’t. My hope is You alone.
I know the sorrow and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You just say the word.
But even if You don’t. My hope is You alone.
– Even If – MercyMe

 

One Lovely Blog Award 10.24.17

“His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether LOVELY. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.” – Song of Solomon 5:16 KJV

How absolutely LOVELY You are, Dear Lord, My Jesus, LOVELY of LOVELIES! You have given me so many LOVELY BLESSINGS! Starting with my LOVELY Australian sister Anita of Discovering Your Happiness! LOVELY Anita. LOVELY A. Miss LOVELY! She is always so thoughtful of others, taking such care and time to research and share. And she always makes sure to tell everyone,

“Wherever you are in the world, have a LOVELY day! ❤ “rgnkh1lNow You have had her touch my heart by nominating me with the One LOVELY Blog Award, as well as allowing me to read her LOVELY answers in her acceptance post. As soon as I see the word, how could I not think of Miss LOVELY A and LOVELY Australia! How could I not think of the LOVLIEST of all that is LOVELY… YOU!
I know LOVELY A would not be the least bit offended! She loves you too! She too knows that You make the LOVELY in her possible, and the LOVE in Gail Loves God. So this post will be a bit long while I Love on You! You have opened the treasure box of my heart, and Your Love is pouring all over the place. May it flow wherever You want it, and touch whom You will touch. Thank You for being Love! And for sharing it with me through Lovely Anita!

 

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are LOVELY, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” – Philippians 4:8 KJV

The Rules:
Thank the person who nominated you and link their blog
Add the One Lovely Blog Award to your post
Share 7 things about yourself
Pass this on to as many people as you like
Include this set of rules
Inform your nominees


My 7 Things About Myself are my current favorite songs.

1. As You know I have been struggling at times with my anxiety, sometimes my depression, and quite often the frustration of physical challenges. This song Even If by MercyMe has ministered to me day & night since You introduced me through a friend.

2. The first song ended with a reference to the hymn It Is Well With My Soul. Everyone should hear a hymn every once in a while… sung to the tune the Lord gave it… and with a choir/congregation. At least once… sing the whole song! This motivates my soul! It Is Well With My Soul by Sovereign Grace Music.

3. Ohhh. *Gasp, and silently waiting for a breath to return!* Dear Lord. How do I find words for what You allow this song to do for my soul? If You had not come! Where would I be? ❤ Love Came For Me by Northland Church. Thank You for coming for me! ❤

4. Joy! LOVELY Lord! This song absolutely lifts me, motivates me, and makes it feel impossible to quit smiling and clapping, tapping my feet. Joy, Lord! Unashamed Joy! Oh the joy of a choir/congregation! And this one! I Love the leading voice! You hear and feel the pure joy! Leaning On The Everlasting Arms by The Church of God.

5. How could I not hear the word LOVELY and not think of Here I Am to Worship by Worship? It sings the very words “You’re altogether LOVELY, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me.”

6. Oh by the way, Lord. When it comes to Your precious Son Jesus Christ, did I mention that I Love Him? How I worship and adore Him? When I can’t see no way, He makes a way. And did I mention He’s been faithful to every promise He’s ever made me. I Love Him. That’s all I want to say. I praise you for Did I Mention by The Rochesters!

7. Lastly is my all time favorite video. I wish I could fly along with the camera… and You! I like to pretend I can. It’s such a beautiful collection of scenery… Your creative artwork comforts my soul! How Great is Our God by Chris Tomlin.

NOMINEES:
Anabel of Lebana’s Journal
Hiraa of Hiraa Chaudhry
Paula Psicologia of Moonlight Psychology
Lize Bard of Haiku Out of Africa
Hiraeth of Hiraeth638
Tracie of Single and Redeemed
Sage of Letters to Myself
Sayer Teller of Oaken Reed
Brandy Thurlow of Sunflower Holistic Health
Ali of A Certain Sign of Grace
Elan Mudrow of Elan Mudrow Photography
Girly Christian
Dr. Andrea Dinardo of Thriving Under Pressure
Traci Smith of Unshakable Faith, Unquenchable Love
Ali Bolsover of Humble Mumblings

May each one of you LOVELY nominees be blessed in the Lord, as your LOVELY blog obviously is. Please do not feel obligated, nor rushed to participate. I just want others to know how LOVELY you and your blog are. ❤

May each one who reads this post be blessed in “speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. – Ephesians 5:19-20 KJV 🙂

Your Back and Forth

So scared to leave,
Yet no desire to stay.
Just going with
Whatever comes my way.
Scared to be alone
Even right beside you.
So secure of myself
But so unsure of you.
So caring and concerned.
Determined to drive fear away.
Soon pride and insecurity
Seem to wish me away.
Yet if I make
One step to the door,
You are quick to insist
Evermore.
What are you trying to say?
Why do you question?
What do you want me to say
If you want to teach me a lesson?
Don’t want me to love.
Don’t want me to hate.
Don’t want me to belong.
Don’t want me to wait.
How confused your message.
How confused you are.
You expected me to flee
When you’ve raised the bar.
Imprisoned in your confusion.
I victimize myself.
I no longer escape you
When I become your help.

9-2-17 Saturday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Conversational influence

Addicted to Need

He laughs, Lord, but he has no idea.
That horrible feeling of I must.
Was it for the affection?
Or simply out of lust?
The imprisonment of
I just can’t get enough.
Contentment escapes me
even when there’s love.
Or was it even me?
As now I can finally see
the pleasure love had
to have control of me.
Why must one who has
every part of my flesh
insist on my sanity
not belong to myself?
And regardless of his intent,
where was my control?
It was my body.
It was my soul.
Even now I can feel that fear
that seemed to cripple me.
A fear so manipulated
it secured with need.
This new voice
has so much faith in me.
I hope he’s right
Because I still can’t see.

9-2-17 Saturday
written by Gail Brookshire
A conversational influence

Letter of Apology

Lord, I hear your whisper… an apology is in order. In visiting the WordPress Reader to keep up with posts of others and encourage, I saw Lovely Anita’s post Beat the Speed Humps on her blog Discovering Your Happiness. You gave great wisdom dealing with the humps that steal our momentum. You say Be Kind to Your Body, it is the temple of the Lord.

You brought to mind a Professor who years ago gave an assignment to write a letter of apology to a part of our body. It was to be 100 sentences long. She read her own letter to her feet for abusing them, neglecting them, and simply disregarding them when they made it possible to go everywhere, and do everything.

In hearing your whisper through Lovely Anita, I prayerfully asked you what was I to apologize to? And then you reveal who THIS apology is for.

I’m sorry to you, my stomach, for the years I starved you, for “getting rid of food” before it could hit you. For allowing others to persuade me to “try this”… speed, alcohol, over the counter medicines, prescription drugs, and things unspeakable. It’s no wonder you torture me now. I tortured you first. YOU are still the one paying for it.

Life on an empty stomach is filled with pain.

Sometimes I feel like this weight is a result or a punishment for all of those years. And I don’t know how to fix it. But there is a huge difference. God has made me stronger and wiser. He will help me to nurture you the best that I know how. He WANTS me to be healthy, and to take care of His vessel, for my body is His temple.

Fellow bloggers… if you wrote an apology… what part would you apologize to?