Leaving Things as They Are (originally posted 5.22.16)

**Originally posted on 5.22.16**

gaillovesgod

Well, it’s been days, and as uncomfortable as the idea is I will leave the original post up, and whatever I have blogged since. While I have a tendency to regret saying some things, especially out loud, it is what it is. A testimony is not true unless it shows the progression of healing, and what the change and/or progress is. And praise God there is always the power of delete! 🙂
So much is on my mind, but it is hard to get it out. SO with that said, I will try to leave a verse or something. If the Lord gives me a thought to share with you, I will do that as well. I prefer keeping it about Him anyway!
“Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.
For the LORD shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot…

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Silently Inside

“But I will sing of thy power;
yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning:
for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble.”
Psalm 59:16 KJV

gaillovesgodspoetry

Pain has come and pain has gone.
It’s up and down as life goes on.
Unwelcomed tears, still they came.
You must obey the rules of the game.
No room for fear. Nowhere to hide.
You can only cry aloud silently inside.

The voice will fade. The pain will too.
You must learn to breathe it through.
Trust the one instructing you.
Only they know what to do.
Leave those closing eyes open wide.
You can cry aloud silently inside.

Caught within a world of fury.
Self made judge and jury.
So much noise within the silence.
Penned beneath the raging violence.
Muffled within the voice that tried.
I heard you cry aloud silently inside.

Wasted life upon the floor.
Her Savior shouts, “They’ll be no more!
The life I made. The life I love
Will take no more push and shove!
My child, you need no longer hide.
I…

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In the Grip of Sin

gaillovesgodspoetry

Sin… it is so complicated and suffocating.
Once you’ve stepped into it,
It’s hard not to sink from the weight of its heaviness.
The burden of guilt and shame
Can follow like a shadow in the night.
In a moment of sin, I walked myself into the dark.
I submerged myself in danger.
As I sank so fast and so deep, my soul cried out for help.
Too distracted to hear a call from within,
I held onto the hand of sin.
Together we kept me from escaping,
Pretending things were getting better,
And at times believing nothing was wrong.
In a moment of compassion
The Maker of my soul charged forth and spoke.
With His hand reaching to pull me out,
He rescued me from the bottomless pit.
Even as I fought to stay behind with my friend sin,
My God knew where my heart really was.
Just before…

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He Restoreth My Soul

Life can run so far away
with the sanity I need.
My traumatized nerves
begin to plead.
Yet one more thing rushes in
and threatens my cry.
Will my prayer be heard?
Will you pass me by?
“Of course not!”,
You lovingly chide.
“You know that I
am by your side.”
Your strong voice,
Your tender heart,
take me by the hand.
“We are never apart.”
My day washes away
and I become whole.
I am with my God.
He restoreth my soul.

7-6-15
written by Gail Brookshire

Intentional Effort

Fear… what a powerful foe! It has such a powerful grip… such a vast chasm of darkness… such a terrorizing torture on an already human mind. For weeks now fear has just had a choke hold on me. It has had me at its mercy. And what a horrible contradiction to what the very definition of mercy is. Why do we use that expression to refer to being someone’s prisoner? Bound by something or someone that we have no control over nor choice to get away from? What a cruel mockery of the true mercy You provide, Father.

Mercy is when we don’t receive a punishment or consequence that we do deserve.

Fear has this very unmerciful hold on even the righteous sometimes. Your Son was under Fear’s fierce attack in the garden. Even after Your angels ministered unto Him, He had to return and pray twice more while in such agony. Afflicted with human flesh and the godly knowledge of what He had yet to suffer, and to know it would begin any moment… weighed heavily on Him. So if there is anyone who understands how fear has been imprisoning me for the last several weeks, it has been my Lord and Savior.

Fear to move… fear to speak… fear to blog… fear to write… fear to watch this… fear to do that… fear to think… fear to communicate… fear to interact… fear to breathe…. fear to exist… and yet scared to death to fail to do any of these.

I’ve made intentional efforts along the way on several of these things through Your leading, Lord. Acting in faith. Some I have been able to make at least one step forward. Some I have yet to actually move. I have mentally went to lift a foot, but it felt like being stuck in a concrete block. If it had not been for feeling my muscles trying to contract, I wouldn’t have thought I even tried. But I know You know I have. I haven’t given up, but I recognize the challenge.

Yet no matter how much of a mighty foe fear is, I know a far Mightier Warrior! A Valiant King! A king who will NOT allow His children to remain prisoner. And just as You allowed the angels to minister to our precious Jesus in the garden, You have been faithful and loving to minister to me wherever it is I have been. And You are THE Almighty! Meaning You are Mightier than ALL Your foes! And my foes are Your foes! So they stand to be reckoned with by You!

So I make this intentional effort to blog because I know You will bring me out of this place. This darkness makes it hard to see where I have been, where I am now, where I am going, and in which direction to go, but I see Your Great Light. Even just a flicker of Your Shining Love is enough to lead me, to cheer me, to reach into my soul and keep me breathing. I know You know I’m in here. I know You know I’m trying. This is all I need… because You are the only one I answer to.

These demons who disguise themselves in false light just don’t shine the way You do, so they cannot make me smile the way You do.

You keep me going, smiling, singing, trusting, loving, living in joy…
 ❤ just to know You are! ❤

Keep shining, Lord. Keep leading. I’m following… even if it’s just by allowing You to carry me because I am either weak, or as stubborn as Lot. Keep doing what You’re doing in me. I fall more and more in love with You every day. And I love even that! ❤

See how You erase fear even as we enjoy one another! Thank You for teaching me about true reverent fear… true loving mercy… and genuine saving grace. Oh but for the love of Your salvation! You rescue everyone of us when You lift us up out of the miry pit of fear, darkness, and agony, just as You lifted our Savior in His hour of need. I need You, Father. Every hour, I need You! I love You! ❤