A Refuge At All Times

“Trust in Him at all times; ye people,
pour out your heart before Him:

God is a refuge for us. Selah.”
– Psalm 62:8 KJV

How many times have I asked You, What shall I blog? Is there anything You want me to write? Anything that wouldn’t insult You, disgrace You, shame You? All the while something was choking the life right out of my chest? Too easily I dismissed it as “Well that’s between You and me… and doesn’t need to be broadcast to the world… only to bring them down… to depress them… or bring negativity… because it wasn’t something positive… it was honest… but it seemed so dishonoring to You.” And then You so loving remind me with Psalm 62:8 that is exactly how this blog began!

You designed a place for me to go and pour my heart out before You on this private blog called gaillovesgod because I was suffocating not being able to write to You. I couldn’t do this at home because of eyes that kept looking for my privately written thoughts to use them against me…. to intentionally come between You and me. A year later, You led me to encourage a friend who was doing a challenge by taking part in that challenge. In doing so, You led me to trust You in opening my site to be Public while doing that challenge. This challenge was to post 30 Truth Aspects about myself that others rarely knew. In obeying, You completely took me by surprise.

Others would comment on how encouraged they were, how they saw my love for You, saw Your love in my life, and either had or were going through the same things. I met so many friends all over the world… some just as in love with You… some with good reasons not to care for love at all… giving or receiving. Many are just consumed with the things we cannot avoid in human life, as Your Son very well knows.

Anxiety, depression, mental illness,
chronic illness, violence, death, filth.

Just because we are Christian does not mean we are immune from these realities of life. And just because some does not know or care that God loves them does not mean we are not to love one another and bear one another’s burdens. No one enjoys pain and suffering. You love ALL Your children.

For so many months I have avoided sharing the pain, the doctor visits, the many things that have added to my depression being so much worse lately. I read so many friends pouring their heart out to You, saying they feel alone, and suddenly I am convicted of neglecting You. Before I can get a chance to at least respond to them, life interferes and my depression persuades me I am my own evidence for why I don’t matter.

Many days I cannot write because of my health. Many days I cannot write because of circumstances. Some days the conversations of debating what to write and what does it matter goes on for so long that time and energy win out. But there are days it’s sheer neglect. If it weren’t for Facebook memories of verses and hymns, I would have been absent for several months. Please forgive me, Lord.

Sometimes You do call me away from the computer for time with You. Sometimes I am simply hiding under a sheltered wing that is allowing the rays to shine in, patiently waiting for me to notice the warmth of the sun, raise my weary head, and trust His loving nudge to be a part of living creation.

Thank You for reminding me of 5 good reasons to write what’s on my heart:

  1. For my testimony to show I TRUST You at ALL times!
  2. You WANT me to pour out my heart to You… everything!
  3. You are a refuge for everything that lays on my heart!
  4. You are a refuge for US… we need to know someone else has been there or currently is… right when we need it most.
  5. Everyone needs to hear God loves you!

And never let me forget SELAH! (THINK ON THIS). How much richer our lives would be if we would take time to remember Selah is not just a word. It is an invaluable moment of reflection on what You have given us to read, to act on, to sometimes avoid, to live. Thank You for giving me a moment of Selah now.

Thank You, God, for Your Word, Your mercy, Your grace, Your salvation, Your heart, Your love, Your patience, Your all! I love You! May gaillovesgod and gaillovesgodspoetry always honor You and do YOUR will, not mine!

3rd Year WordPress Anniversary

anniversary-3

Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com!
You registered on WordPress.com 3 years ago.
Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging!


Praise You, Lord, for 3 blessed years on gaillovesgod!
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.
– 1 Corinthians 15:58 KJV


Complete in Thee! – hymn lyrics by Aaron R. Wolfe

Complete in Thee! no work of mine
May take, dear Lord, the place of Thine;
Thy blood hath pardon bought for me,
And I am now complete in Thee.

CHORUS:
Yea, justified! O blessed thought!
And sanctified! Salvation wrought!
Thy blood hath pardon bought for me,
And glorified, I too, shall be!

Complete in Thee—no more shall sin,
Thy grace hath conquered, reign within;
Thy voice shall bid the tempter flee,
And I shall stand complete in Thee.

Complete in Thee—each want supplied,
And no good thing to me denied;
Since Thou my portion, Lord, wilt be,
I ask no more, complete in Thee.

Dear Savior! when before Thy bar
All tribes and tongues assembled are,
Among Thy chosen will I be,
At Thy right hand—complete in Thee.

gaillovesgod (originally posted 5.14.16 as 1st post)

**This post was originally posted on 5.14.16 as my 1st post. I no longer have the FB Group page… Gail’s Poetry. And my personal FB remains private and barely open. The only reason I have not deleted it thus far is because several family and friends use to keep in touch, as well as church family. And I watch church services through FB live. The feed is much better. You will also notice no Like or Comment button or section. I can only tell you I was still new to learning WordPress at the time. **
God loves you!

And…. here we go again. Attempting to do another blog. An attempt at putting together my testimony to leave behind… and share while I am here. Praying that my testimony praises my God for what he has done for me throughout my life, and continues to do now. I have attempted to do a couple of them before but never can find the page again, or as with Myspace… lost access when the space was exiled. I do still have my poetry page on Google with a brief testimony for when addressing someone with what it meant for Jesus to come into my life. It was even originally made to be public for anyone and everyone, as opposed to my private FB account, but eventually I made a little security to keep the ranters and haters out, but then made it to where no one can even comment because of family. I do have a separate poetry page as well in a private group on my FB called Gail’s Poetry, but I have to invite anyone. It’s really to keep from filling up the news feeds too much.

This blog is an attempt to more honest and open, as that has become my biggest hindrance… in writing… speaking… thinking… communicating… socializing… living. For the earliest part of my life through my early twenties I was always a VERY quiet person, kept to myself, not  speaking, but using one word to answer (literally if I could get away with it, and usually did), and spoke only the needed answer. That all changed in the early 1990’s. What happened, you ask? Life! It’s not like I didn’t have enough to talk about already. It’s just all of the tragedy and danger of my childhood always called for silence to survive, along with making no sign of emotion. If people could figure out my thoughts and feelings, they used them against me… to protect themselves and to gain more access to more power. In 1990, I discovered talking as a way to get through dangerous situations, and learned that it could keep people away. The more I escaped having to worry all the time, the more I awakened.

That’s right. Gail awakened. Life before that was just life. I would say it was about trying to survive, but I didn’t even know I was trying to survive. I didn’t even know I was in danger. Not only did I not realize that things that weren’t right were not normal, I didn’t even know I was here… literally. Death had been just as much an occupant in my life as people that I knew as family. That will make for a blog or two some time. For now, this is to get this page started. The hardest part is being honest. I have never wanted to shame my dad, my mom, or any of my family and friends. Telling my testimony, sharing what God has brought me through, even as a summary does that. With both of my parents  now deceased, my grandparents, brother, so many family and friends, I still do not wish to shame them, but I know that they will not have to take it personally or ask me to change my mind when they themselves encouraged me to write, to tell it like it really is, and to not be ashamed. They were ALL supportive of my writing and were so proud of me. That was the word they used.

But it will still be a struggle as nowadays I have family that gets so mad at ANYthing I say… literally. If I write a personal FB post, they get so upset. Also, the last time I attempted to “tell my testimony” as the churches so passionately preach, I was told it was too inappropriate for church. That it needed to be cleaned up. I don’t use foul language or anything like that, but sex has been a part of my life since I was 3 years old.

me at 3yrs old

That’s the earliest I can remember anyway. Yes it’s disgusting to mention a 3 year being molested, but how do you think the 3yr old felt… and wouldn’t you like to know the beautiful purity God has restored for her? So please pray for me. I do not wish to offend God or fellow believers. If it is my responsibility to give God all of His glory for my testimony, then He deserves every bit of truth. Every time these subjects have come up in life, those going through the same thing (nonbelievers at that) are always telling me they wished I would tell my story, that someone from the church needs to be honest. That there are so many people who will never see a church, and there are few people who will be honest about their testimony.

Lastly for this post, let me just that yes, I did notice my bad grammar, punctuation, and possibly misspelled words. But that’s just me. You wouldn’t know that I graduated from 2 colleges…. AB-Tech with an A.A. (Pre-Liberal Arts) Degree, and from Montreat with a B.A. (English Literature). What an insult to them, but this blog is about… my testimony is… gaillovesgod! Cause that’s what my life has ALWAYS been about. Yes God was the one doing the loving me until I had a chance to meet him, but that is what a relationship with Jesus is all about. We love Him because He first loved us.

So until next time… I leave this post to start. I don’t intend to add anyone right now unless they ASK to be added so that I can have time to figure out what I am going to do if those family members read. Eventually my testimony is meant to be public. And I have to tell the ugly so that God can get the glory for the restoration. There are so many people hurting and going through the same… or worse. They need to know someone loves them, and they need to know it’s God. They need to know that loving Him is NOT going to take away the pains of life or the possibility… the LIKELIHOOD of more tragedy. But they can know that going through it with Jesus makes ALL the difference in the world. And the best part is that I can’t wait to get to the part of the testimony where I get to share what He gives me, bless me with, and so much more NOW… every day… just by being Himself!

Praise the Lord for 500 Followers on gaillovesgod

To God be the glory... for He surely deserves all of His praise and honor! It has been hard for me to care about any stats for quite awhile because of being overwhelmed by hundreds of spam comments, along with so many fake followers. The ones who want to follow just to boost their businesses I don’t really mind. God can allow fellowship in many ways. And they are the ones that have to sell their product. But those who try to harm me or my friends are just simply cruel. Why do people waste such time that they could put towards work or fellowship the way the rest of us do?
WordPress is a great community! God has truly blessed us!

So I will praise Him for the 500 Follows
He has allowed for this blog… gaillovesgod… His blog!

500 Follows!
Congratulations on getting 500 total follows on
Your current tally is 501.

 

And a special thank you to Susan Ream of Nana’s Love Notes
for being the one to make it 500 Follows!
I love reading your notes you write your granddaughters! 🙂

Susan Ream and 500 others
followed your blog gaillovesgod

As you also know, I’m so grateful for the love and support so many of you give in your comments. I still love that feature on the Stats page that shows the top 6 folks to comment. Right now they are

  1. simplywendi
  2. Alethea’s Mind
  3. Discovering Your Happiness
  4. Stuart L. Tutt
  5. Invisibly Me
  6. Margaretfromsoulfood

(Those are noted as they’re seen on the Stats page under Comments by Authors)

It has taken countless hours of deletion and blocking of spammers, but it is well worth it so that God can allow me to know who is commenting, so that I can encourage them in return. Sometimes I have had to rescue genuine comments from the Spam and Trash section… so please… if you are still waiting for a response to a comment make sure that I even know. Forgive me for anyone I have missed and do not know it. With the Lord’s help I am try to make sure to keep up with them, and to let you all know God loves you!

On that same page, and same section, if you click on the down arrow beside Comments by Authors, it changes to Comments by Posts & Pages. This allows you to see your top 11 blog posts that are most commented on. My blogs posts most commented on are:

  1. 2 Liebster Awards for My Birthday 6.13.18
  2. Happy Birthday to My Son Anthoni
  3. Liebster Award 1.6.18
  4. Happy 26th Smoke Free Anniversary
  5. Sunshine Blogger Award 1.31.18
  6. Liebster Award 2.16.18
  7. Bloggers Support Bloggers Award 5.26.18
  8. Praising God for 400 Followers and Over 10,000 Views
  9. Losing… It!
  10. Versatile Blogger Award 5.26.18
  11. Mystery Blogger Award 5.18.18

(Notice a trend?? I do too. As loving and encouraging so many of you have been with me pouring out my heart and love to God, those Awards are certainly one of the ways God uses us to encourage one another! 🙂 However He chooses! Praise His Holy name!)

And lest you think it’s ALL about awards, as though they are trivial, and therefore the blog must be too… notice #9 Losing… It? That was a very long note on how much I am losing so much… including my skill… my love… for communicating with others… sharing… encouraging. Even though I discussed something so personal, so many of you gave me love that just touched my heart in ways that I find hard to put into words. God used so many of you to strengthen me when I am often tempted to just give up and dream of flying home!
Every single comment means a great deal to me! And it is far more important that I have made known to as many of you as possible how much God loves you!!! So much!!

Thank you to each one who has made the 500 Follows possible!
You give glory to the One who surely deserves it!
And any glory He allows me to be a part of bringing Him…

HALLELUJAH!

All About You

Lord, tonight as I was talking with a friend about my post Finding Myself in Lovely A’s 56 Questions, she was responding to my disclaimer. I had answered the questionnaire as coming to you because I genuinely needed you to clarify some things for myself, and Lovely A titled it Find Out Who You Are (56 Questions). I wanted to know who I am… in you. By your grace, you loving assured me I am who I am in you because of who you are in me. My heart was comforted. Margaret of The Word was so loving and supportive. I was glad to have someone genuinely understand that to not include you in everything feels like I am ignoring you. And then you reminded me!

Years ago I saw a skit. It started with someone who had a life without you that seemed like one big party for Mr. Popular, who realized he was wasting his life, and that none of his friends were genuine. They weren’t even really friends. Being brought to the foot of the cross, he gave his life to you and asked you to be his God… to save him from himself… and professed a genuine love for you. When he started walking in his new life, he also realized the neighbors who were always talking about you before his conversion were not as annoying as he thought. They were true friends in Christ.

He attended church, started to serve, and fellowshipped, and became pretty busy. The skit showed you going EVERY WHERE with him from the moment he gave his life to you. But then some old friends from his old life came to visit. As he saw who was at the door through the peep hole, he frantically tidied up and put you in the closet. You asked to meet his friends, but he said maybe next time. I’m new to living with you. I don’t know what they’ll say. You assured that his friends would love you. But he was afraid of offending his friends. The heart break expressed by the person playing your role definitely had you touching that moment. It broke my heart. I could hear moanings and groaning of those watching with me.

Soon this main character was leaving you at home because they were going somewhere they knew you wouldn’t want to be. They were going to the parties, and hanging out where horrible communication was being spoken. They were even misusing your name. It wasn’t good. You were so broken and spent every moment praying for him, and speaking love for him. Then it got worse. He began to miss church and lost the godly influence. And why was that possible when the church friends should have been visiting? Because they were having you sit in the closet or stay at home because they had so many responsibilities that they forgot to come to you to say hey, or even wait long enough for you to make out the door with them. The door was slammed in your face. Again me and the crowd were heart broken to see the face of the one playing you as that door shut in your face. And yet again… you were lovingly praying for them.

I’ve always remembered that skit, and have tried my best to make sure you were welcome wherever I went, in front of whoever I met, and that anyone who knew me were given an introduction and knew how important you are to me! I know I have not been perfect, and I have had my fair share of putting you in the closet, or leaving you at home (as if you are not with me always). I am so sorry for every moment I left you out. I do not look forward to offending my friends or defying strangers when we meet, but it’s vital to me to make sure you know how much I love you, and to make sure you are NEVER ignored, excluded, forgotten, insulted, mocked, or anything that would hurt you as you allowed that actor in the skit to display for you.

That is why I have always tried to make sure you are even a part of my email address, my FaceBook, WordPress Blog, my poetry, or anything as gaillovesgod. And not just try to include you, but to make sure that me and everyone I know understands that IT’S NOT ABOUT ME. IT’S ALL ABOUT MY LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST! Thank you for every prayer you have ever spoken on my behalf. Thank you for always being so thoughtful. Thank you for setting an example of love, forgiveness, and thoughtfulness for me. You are my perfect example! Help me to ALWAYS keep it all about you!

Getting gaillovesgodspoetry Started

Hi, Guys! gaillovesgod here letting you know I’ve been working on getting my poetry on a separate blog  gaillovesgodspoetry, but as much as I have been struggling to have time and energy to learn how to do things… I am still learning.

I had difficulty with export downloading properly to load to gaillovesgodspoetry, so I gave up, choosing to copy and paste each poem. It means losing the loving and supportive comments, and the followers posting them, but I’m not tech savvy enough to figure it out, and it’s time consuming. My health doesn’t allow me that energy any more.

I do care about each of you who have been so supportive, so I’m leaving on gaillovesgod what poetry has been added thus far, but after also adding them on gaillovesgodspoetry I will post all new poetry there so that I can separate by years, then months, as I always have. There are literally thousands. The Lord led me years ago to do this to allow the testimony of what He has done in my life to show that growth in my writing… the spiritual gift He gave me. You are more than welcome to join me there as well.

The gaillovesgod blog will remain for… devotional journaling, challenges, reblogging as a prayer warrior at times, and simply spending time talking with the Lord, as well as sharing responses He gives at times. I ask your patience with me as I post several posts at a time on the poetry page to catch up. I’ve been checking and you shouldn’t get the notifications unless you have already clicked to follow gaillovesgodspoetry, and they will slow down when caught up.

Any feedback is helpful. Oh… and I haven’t decided 100% on a theme. I still have so much to learn, but with so much therapy (and far more to come) and the latest procedure I had this week, I am constantly falling asleep either as soon as I touch the keyboard, or worse… in the middle of talking with someone. So sorry.

I hope to get back to blogging soon. I even have an award to share… thanks to Lovely A!
Remember…. God loves you!!

 

A Single Christian Mom

A Christian mother and a single mother,
that’s what I am,
though I know that was not a part of
God’s original plan.
He had greater ideas for my son and I
before I made a mistake,
yet I know He still cares for us
and will mold us for His sake.
Each day is hard as a single Christian mom,
but each day belongs to Him,
so I will lift my praise each day
and find comfort in His hymn.

4-14-01 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)