So Much Need For Help

gaillovesgodspoetry

There’s a little boy
Sleeping on his cardboard.
He’s dreaming of things
He’s never had before.
There’s a little girl
Cuddled with her mother.
They’re shivering in the car
With no help from another.
There’s an old man with a beard
Sleeping in his tent,
He’s forgotten how long it’s been
Since he couldn’t pay the rent.
There’s a family under the bridge
Who are close to losing hope.
They’re clinging to their faith,
As they struggle just to cope.
You and I have so much
We can share with someone else.
Listen for God’s whispers
Where you can give some help.

12.8.19 Sunday
Written by Gail Brookshire

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Heavenly Friendship

gaillovesgodspoetry

Friendship of a Savior
Who hath the Greater Love
To faithfully give that Good
And Perfect Thing from above.

Friendship of a Creator
Who made me for His Pleasure,
Who tells me my Image
Makes His treasure.

Friendship of a God
Who knew the Law
Would require a Blood Sacrifice
For us all.

Friendship of a Father
Who longed to Reconcile
His Prodigal Daughter
To being His Child.

Friendship of a Spirit
To Comfort, Guide, and Teach.
Who loves to Whisper, Nudge,
And Unconditionally reach.

Friendship of a Family
Preparing a Place for me.
Alas one day I’ll Fellowship
Where I was Always meant to be.

11.13.19 Wednesday
Written by Gail Brookshire

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This Is My Good Good Father’s World

Happy Father’s Day

to the Father who made

ALL fathers and ALL days possible!

I love You, Heavenly Father! ❤

This is my Father’s world,
And to my list’ning ears
All nature sings, and round me rings
The music of the spheres.
This is my Father’s world:
I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas—
His hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father’s world:
The birds their carols raise,
The morning light, the lily white,
Declare their Maker’s praise.
This is my Father’s world:
He shines in all that’s fair;
In the rustling grass I hear Him pass,
He speaks to me everywhere.

This is my Father’s world:
Oh, let me ne’er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world,
The battle is not done:
Jesus who died shall be satisfied,
And earth and Heav’n be one.

-This Is My Father’s World, hymn lyrics by Maltbie D. Babcock

 ❤ You are a good good Father! ❤

 

Good Good Father song sung by Chris Tomlin

Their Agony Is Over!

I know how it feels
to wish I were home with my dad in heaven,
and how it feels to long for my son to be home.
PRAISE GOD…
Jesus is home with His Dad,
and God has His Son home!
I am so happy for both of Them.
And because of Their love and generosity,
we will ALL be home together some day!
What a day that will be!

Rachel & Leah Bible Study: Night 5 of 6 (Follow Up)

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Whew! Lord, am I so glad You are in my camp! Thank You! Some days it seems this exhaustion just gets worse, and that’s with me doing nothing but sleeping as much as I can! I am especially glad You were with me this week as the doctors are trying to help Bobby with his struggling to breathe. Unexpected appointments, quickly carrying equipment back and forth, having to run back to the car so many times because it was so warm I left my jacket in the car, but everything is my jacket because I just can’t carry everything, so I leave my purse in the car.

A lot of those places Bobby was waiting in the car during my appointments or getting something they say he needs, but it’s so hot he got out of the car. Honestly, I usually have to go find him if he did not go in with me somewhere with me to begin with. I typically find him leaving smiles on faces on those who are so patiently allowing him to wait in their lobbies. They love that he’s 85… short… and so friendly. I always hear the words… cute… and sweet.

How does any of this have to do with the study from this week… Her Gain Is Not Your Loss? You know, Lord? This is far from a rant or complaining. It’s every bit of praise to You! I know we still have the rest of the week to go, but that’s why You’ve been giving me so much sleep! I have no idea why I’m waking up as though I could go right back to sleep for a couple of years, even when I sleep night and day, but I surely love the peaceful feeling it gives. I am so numb, and in a fog. Sometimes it keeps me from stressing because I cannot remember anything other than that very second, and all I can feel is… whew… so grateful to have got what felt like 3 or 4 moments of sleep (that was 6, 10, or 12 hours)… or whew… feeling so tired I wished I could just lay back down and sleep my life away.

IMG_20190408_081103I will admit one thing I have tried to avoid bringing into this study is the battle that seems to go on between me and my sister. I figured because I did not compare myself to her, nor envy her, not begrudge, her, that I really didn’t see my need for this study. I love my sister. Unfortunately she does want to argue with me, accuse me, turn everything into a competition, and hates for me to have confidence because she believes I am saying I think I am better than she is. I was convinced mentioning anything would be me speaking ill of my sister. But this week really showed me something about comparison… and me.

My sister struggles to rejoice with me because she feels like it means something towards her. And if she sees my tears, she is either quickly cruel to say things like “You’re not actually crying are you?” or she will leave the room or make some kind of get away with the clear intention that I watch her do it. She has told me all of these things and more. This has happened for so long along with me trying so hard to figure out why or how I send these messages to her. I try so hard to get into her head to avoid this, that I unknowingly start to compare myself… thinking less of myself.

IMG_20190408_081143Day One: Facing Insecurity
Facing insecurity is a great way to describe comparison because even if I do not think I am better than someone else, God, You don’t want me thinking less of who You made me to be. I am not suppose to allow my mind to doubt, and worry, and take blame where there is no need for it. If I am saying something needs change or I am not good enough that is a silent form of pity and not accepting who I am in You. I may not mean to, I may even be pushed into it, but only You can say I belong wherever I am, know exactly what trials You do or do not want to walk me through, and why You need… want my confidence… in YOU!

IMG_20190408_081229Day Two: Desperate Desires:
Lord, while I wrote You a note in the book about being glad You allowed me to finally come home, when I read those two words… desperate desires... how can I not think of my health. And when I read that instruction You gave to “Go back to the land of your fathers and to your family, and I will be with you,” I can’t help but think of yesteryears when my desperate desires were to go home… night after night. While I never thought it would happen, You answered those prayers. I know You hear my prayers now, and are teaching me to accept and live my new normal, trusting the one who designed it.

 

IMG_20190408_093058Day Three: Leaving Laban
How many times in my life have You led me away from Laban, and Laban being my family too. It’s hard leaving people you love and are supposed to be able to live together in trust and helping one another… rejoice as they rejoice, and weep as they weep. I remember how hard that was to do with a little one, and several times through his childhood, up through college… all to follow You, and live as You teach. It’s amazing how six people can grow through life together under the same roof (most of the time) while living six different lives, but that was us.

IMG_20190408_081556Day Four: Comparison’s High Cost
You are absolutely wise to warn of the high cost of comparison because that is exactly what it does. It costs us the relationships with those we are comparing ourselves to, even if the only one we are comparing to or about is our self. Laban comparing himself to Jacob cost him the relationship he first enjoyed with him, and it cost him his daughters, and all of his family. Rachel and Leah paid the high cost of not being able to rejoice in the birth of each other’s children, and robbed them of the ability to console one another on loss. It cost them a relationship as a sister to the other. The comparison my sister insists on, and my comparison to lessen and blame myself continues to cost us and our family. And it’s so sad because we really need each other, just as Rachel and Leah needed each other. But You knew it would not be their path. Sometimes the only way we avoid the cost of a relationship with You is in abandonment of all and who we know, or be abandoned by them.

IMG_20190408_082725Day Five: You Be You
There was another pop quiz at the end. Sometime these tests are hard to answer because it forces to choose answers that are KIND of what you would say. For example question one was answered by what usually happens. When a bunch of strangers get together (especially with kids) it is one loud activity that usually comes in the form of questions… Do you go here? How long have you been here? Which one’s yours? Question two would not be about coffee because I don’t even like coffee. Yuck! 

IMG_20190408_082810Question three was answered with fear of not knowing where we’re going, and being used to being the one who gets the directions and visits through Google earth before our family goes anywhere. Question four I would actually sit anywhere, including the front. I actually prefer it. I can see and hear better, and am less distracted from“comparing everything and everyone.” I am too busy praying for those singing and preaching. That takes a lot of faith. Question five is pretty much the same as three, trying to combat fear of the unknown.

IMG_20190408_082841Results:
I came out tying with Mostly 2s, You’re excited about unseen work.
Ironically, thought the tests are opposite of how I think I answered, the result is right in that I am excited about unseen work. How crazy is that to be afraid of people, yet loving working in their lives… wanting them to know God loves them?

The other I tied with was Mostly 5s, You’re excited about new relationships.
How crazy is that!! It’s so true, yet I am always so afraid of people! I want to love them as God says. I so want them to know God’s love and have their own personal relationship with Him, but I can literally be so terrified of people. Even the ladies of this study, as much as I love them as dear sisters in Christ. Yet God says that’s excitement for new relationships??

This study is coming to an end, but its affect and teaching will still be going on for as long as God sees fit. And that’s a good thing. He always is! ❤

The key thing He has taught me is that
comparison is a battle with self.
If I fix my mind on Him,
I will dwell less on me.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and he shall direct thy paths.”

– Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee:
because he trusteth in thee.”
– Isaiah 26:3 KJV

My Loved One’s Journey

gaillovesgodspoetry

Life that is waning, wasting away.
Nothing can be done to save the day.
A body betraying the soul within.
A spirit dying, just giving in.
Energy fading, abandoning the owner.
Depression conquering the weakened donor.
Words that fail and muscles that faint.
A ruthless trial for any saint.
Straining relationships, choking bonds,
stealing the will to carry on.
This is the journey my loved one is on,
and I must watch until they are gone.

7-23-15 written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: my mom

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Happy 75th Birthday, Pappy!

Happy 75th Birthday, Pappy!
He’s 75 today, but having his 15th birthday with Jesus! 🙂 ❤
I Still Love and Miss you, Pappy!! ❤

gaillovesgod

Happy Birthday to my Pappy! He’s 74 today, but having his 14th birthday with Jesus.
He has my mom and baby brother with him, as well as many other family & friends.
My birthday present to him is remembering what a good man he was.

navydad

He served in the Navy during the Cuban Missile Crisis.
He was on one of the ships held hostage/in the crossfire
of Cuba and America’s famous standoff.
He was up every single day by 5am until he had lung surgery in 2003.

young dad

He worked hard, took care of his wife and family,
including those he took in as family,
and did whatever it took to make sure they were OK.
He was a very active and loving granddad to Anthoni.

grandparents

He gave his all to his family,
and towards his latter years to His heavenly father.
His pastor was his buddy.

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Thank you, Dad, for…

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Question of Identity

On a concrete slab
lies a question of identity.
Your family is called
and asked to come see.
Is that you on the table?
Have you O.D.’ed?
Have you caused the heart
of your family to bleed?
Is that you
there in the morgue?
Have you gone to live
with your Lord?
Only God knows
this very day
if that is you
that has gone away.

4-25-15
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: loss

Gently Mending My Soul

God, You are so kind… so gentle… to lovingly pursue me the way You do. Your faithful affection comforts my restless soul. The world would tell me You grow weary of my weakness, that to have any at all is sin. But the love of Your only Son assures me with the same love You allowed Your angels to minister to Him within the garden, that just as You loved Him through a great time of agony and desire to avoid His cup if possible, You love me in my time of weakness, within the darkness that suffocates my soul.

No matter how many times I must battle sudden or lingering fear, You will never leave me, nor limit how many times You will tolerate me. Not one of the three times that Your Son prayed to You in anguish did You turn Him away. Not one time did You tell Him to dry it up, or that You were only going to put up with so much. When those great drops of sweat fell as tears or blood, You did not tell Him what a disgrace He was to Your name. Nor did You tell Him that His cries were shame on a faith that He just did not have.

You were there for Your Son every single time He prayed, every time He fell on His face to You, and every time He asked if You would change His circumstances by removing His cup. You instead heard His every word, including…

“And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.
Matthew 26:39 KJV

And as You remind me of these words and my precious Jesus suffering His agony, You send me a song just as You sent His ministering angels.

Beggar by Benjamin James reminds me to be kind to the beggar that’s inside of me, and the fiend that I am hiding too. You know the part of me that constantly pleas for relief from the agony of my weakness and for forgiveness for that wretched fiend that is very much a part of me. Instead of scolding me, which I am already doing so much myself, You tell me to be kind to myself.

You tell me to feed the poor and lonesome girl in my own soul, to love her till she’s been made whole. There is so much she has been deprived of, robbed of, or simply thrown away in foolishness. I am to feed the poor within myself.

You tell me to be at peace with the enemy within my own home because whether it’s her undeniable guilt or my attempts to blame her, we can neither one throw a stone. We must take care of the mote in our own eyes, and do as You have commanded in loving one another so that the world will know we are of You. We are to be at peace with one another.

I’m to be good to the criminal I’ve locked away. In my repentance and growing in Your word, I learned to hate the sinful side of me enough to avoid it. But in my desperation to be free of the shame and guilt, in my desperation to be cleaner in Your presence, that I might have the hope of Your embrace, I have locked myself up in a self made prison that keeps me from remembering the freedom You have given this sinful girl who has been separated from that which convicted her. She is so weak from the lingering weight of a guilty conscience. I need to be good to her because she needs a friend, she needs to know she is genuinely forgiven. False guilt will imprison her enough. Doubt will try to convince her she’s still shackled. My refusal to show her love can hinder her from feeling Yours.

You remind me that when I’m broken to pieces, You make me whole, and through EVERY season You’re mending my soul. That includes weakness, doubt, darkness, fear, anxiety, depression, anguish, and everything that Satan can throw at me, or that I simply struggle with yet again. You are working to help me love You with my WHOLE heart.

Suffer long when you are your own prodigal. In Your Holy Word, to suffer means to allow. You tell me to allow my fear, my doubt, my darkness, and all that comes with being who I am to be, and take as long as it needs, to be able to feel like I’m finally coming home to You. For where my home is there my heart is full. By allowing You to work with me in whatever way You have prepared for me, and as long as You ask of me, I am allowing You to make my heart Your home.

So be gentle with the splinters in your mind. They haven’t all been put there alone. And no matter how they got there, by being violent to myself, I am merely continuing to blind myself like all those things along the road of life that blindsided me so that I would blindly walk along, unable to see the Light, the Truth, and the Way. Without the gentle love of Christ, I am keeping the blinders of life on, sometimes willingly.

So I am to be gentle as a Lamb… the precious Lamb of God, who has set me free of the prison of self condemnation. I am to love myself as He did… as He does.. the love that let me know I am the child of the One True King. God, my Father, my Creator, knows where I have been, what I have done, and what I’ve come through. But He wants me to remember that while I am still in this flesh, as His Son once was, He knows there will be moments of humanness. He also wants me to remember that He uses these times to draw me near, and remind me of what He has brought me through, so that I will have courage to face the fear, confidence to confront the doubt, and light to walk in the darkness.

“He giveth power to the faint,
and to them that have no might, He increaseth strength.”

– Isaiah 40:29 KJV

Drowning of a Writer

I use to subtitle this Ode to Suicide… actually the original title itself was Ode to Suicide, but I made it a subtitle so no one would worry or try to take it from me. Now, I don’t think it is wise to have such a title because suicide itself is not beautiful.

gaillovesgodspoetry

Bubbles… accelerating to the surface. Pleading for my forgiveness, for my survival, my rescue. “HELP!” I’m crying from within the depth of the ocean. I’m losing my life. My will to fight is being taken from me. The strength of the almighty sea is too much for me. My body grows weak. I’m feeling numb. Every inch of my muscles are aching! Yet… all I can think about is fighting for my life. If only I had a little hero, or maybe a little support. If only I weren’t in so deep, but I’m in way over my head. As I struggle with every breath I have left in my body, I sink further and further, into my burial grounds. My new dwelling place, where my bones shall rot into tiny pieces of exhausted life. Soon, I will have nothing left. No warmth of loving. No tears of enjoyment… no…

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