Satisfied Hunger

The Lord delightfully surprised me in a way that might be trivial to share with you, but meant so much to me. For God to be so personal about it! I love how He keeps doing that, even with trivial things! He loves saying, “I’m thinking of you. Even the little things.”

I was taking my son to work by 4 am. After letting him off, I found myself hungry. I mean hungry people. Remember, I hate to chew, get bored with eating, and when I do eat I pick away at my food. But my medicines sometimes eat away at my insides. I was becoming sick, and getting sicker. But there was a new problem.

From midnight to 5 am, it’s hard to eat without being stuck with McDonald’s. They’re not the worst, but it’s only breakfast and SO greasy! Biscuits or griddles mean having to eat bread. I have a bread thing. Cook Out closed at 4 am. Denny’s closed down a few months back. IHOP and Huddle House are open all night on the weekend, but this was midweek. Only place left… Waffle House (aka Awful House). Ugh… the idea of grease… or breakfast!

My stomach kept getting sicker, so I decided Waffle House so I could eat something besides a burger. I did remembered a ham and cheese omelet years before. I was dreading the grease. I was hoping something was on the menu… spaghetti or something.

It was busy, loud, and cold! I had a light jacket on with short sleeves, and am normally hot. I was freezing, but hungry! The menu was all burgers, patty melts, and breakfast. I avoid ham because of my blood pressure. I was trying to avoid meat altogether. I literally pondered for about 30 minutes. They were so busy, only the cook noticed.

Kayla came to ask me what I wanted to drink. Yes, I did soda instead of water or hot chocolate. After talking about the foods, I went with the classic cheeseburger. It was a dollar burger size. No French fries at Waffle House! I was proud of them! But the only side was hash browns. I was so hungry I just yes! No to the sauce.

Wow! My burger was small and seemed grease free (I knew better). There were large pieces of juicy, crisp lettuce. Two pieces of thick fresh tomatoes… also juicy! The bread was small and light! Didn’t bother me a bit! The hash browns were good. I started with my burger but after one bite of those hash browns, I was eating away.

I realized I was eating and was tempted to think too much. I did not care! I was hungry! My burger and hash browns satisfied my hunger! I thought, “Everybody wants me to eat. I’m eating! And good!” I even ate pie! Oh. My. Word! I’ve not eaten pie in forever! Freddie the cook made it warm and delicious! The pecans were soft! I ate away from the crust, but I ate! I even drank half of my drink!

You think I feel guilty for those who believe I’m overweight because they think all I do is eat, and think I’ve been big all my life? Or because of the struggle TO eat because of hating to chew or thinking it’s boring to eat? No ma’am! No sir! God made my morning! He thought of me personally. My hunger was satisfied. My body felt great! Hydrated! Nourished! Thank you, God, for our time! We made 2 new friends… Kayla and Freddie.

30 Posts Challenge: Follow Up

30 Posts Truth Challenge BadgeHi Guys! Just wanted to share with all of you who came along my journey of posting 30 true aspects about myself that you may not know… the AWARD from our dearest Fatima aka Splendor In Embers! Praise the Lord for using her to challenge me… in many ways!! Wanting to encourage someone I love and care about blessed and encouraged me!

By opening up myself to sharing truths with others, we spoke on these things below:
1. Introducing myself
2. Me and God
3. Me and Writing
4. Me and Anthoni
5. Me and Foster Care, part 1
6. Me and Foster Care, part 2
7. Me and My Fireworks
8. Me and Anxiety, part 1
9. Me and Anxiety, part 2
10. Me and Anxiety, part 3
11. Me and Depression
12. Dying to Self
13. Friday the 13th (A Blessed Day)
14. Designed to Follow
15. How a Devo Becomes A Poem
16. The Devo Poem
17. “Crucify him! Crucify Him!”
18. I Mourn, I Grieve (Edited)
19. What Makes Me Happy
20. River Baptism
21. I Love to Sing Hymns
22. God Speaks, I Listen!
23. Bearing One Another’s Burdens (as a Prayer Warrior)
24. A Friend Loveth at All Times
25. I’m a Very Private Person
26. My Fear of God
27. Ripping Your Heart out
28. My 2017 Solar Eclipse Experience
29. One Last Aspect
30. Challenging You

Along this journey, the Lord used His whispers, His nudges, and His many resources for encouraging me! Lovely A and her Self Care Challenge was a part of those resources! There are others I can’t mention, but you know who you are. Thank You for letting God use you to help me “fly” within God’s gift of life. And what would I do without InnerManTheatre… my patient son for his feedback and tech support (and Anita!).

I praise Him for each of you who took to read  (while patiently waiting for me to learn my way), for reaffirming His whispers (with your likes and follows) to be meant for more than just myself. Your comments allowed God to fill my cup with blessings. And the Awards! So unexpected! All crowns to lay at His feet! God bless you, Lovely A!

My Dearest Fatima, How grateful I am to God for you! For your challenge! For your heart. Please know I am praying for you and your precious family as often as God allows. You’ve always been dear to our family! You ARE family! Thank you for my AWARD!

If you are interested about this Challenge, you might be delightfully surprised to know that you do not have to wait for someone to nominate you, as I have read some of you have for quite some time. You only have to accept and post. See for yourself her 3 rules posted here. Praying for each of you! God loves you! ❤

30 Posts Challenge: #29, One Last Aspect

Hey Guys. You’re still with me on the 30 Posts Challenge? 29 posts later? Yes, we still have the one after this, but I have that one planned. The challenge was 30 true aspects about myself. This is one I dodge so well, I almost talked myself out of bogging it. I start a sentence then delete, a paragraph, delete, or just sit, trying to get the nerve to say it.

I’ve struggled with eating since I was 13. Now if I don’t delete it, you will read it.

When I was 13, my dad got called to my school. He was told I never eat, and had an eating disorder. I had no knowledge of it, and when my dad asked, I didn’t take it serious. The school had classmates literally follow me to see if I eat, and if I ate what I did afterwards. One was a friend who told me. They had my dad watching. I didn’t eat.

Our counselor sat me down, but I didn’t understand anorexia. I hated to chew. I didn’t know it then but I had fibromyalgia, and hurt when chewing too tough or too long. I thought eating was boring. It took so much time to eat. I didn’t understand I also had digestive issues, and not eating was making it worse.

They brought in outside counseling who tried to bully me into eating. Bad idea. One counselor called my home saying I was at school on drugs, threatening to kill myself. My mom and dad got so mad they were lied to and scared to death. The school was upset enough that they backed off on outside help.

Instead they had teachers talk to all of us. They said Karen Carpenter had just died from it. I’m glad they did because while I was not anorexic, I was doing anorexic like behaviors. The one that was a “deal breaker” was throwing up. I didn’t like doing that anyway. It made me easily sick, and I struggled with throwing up a lot since I was 3.

I remember warnings on losing teeth, a damaged heart, a ruined digestive system, and more. I was diagnosed with a damaged heart valve at 17, was a high risk pregnancy at 18, had a C-section because my baby kept losing his heart beat, lost a 10 year dental battle to dentures by 30, and began stomach meds at 24 and probably won’t get off them.

I learned later it was some to do with going without food a lot. My dad gave us Pepto-Bismol often to keep our stomachs from hurting. I saw on TV people who had food and missed a meal would be sick. I was afraid to eat then hurt because in my mind I didn’t know hunger, and didn’t want to, especially since people did bad things when they did.

As I started taking meds I got sick, almost passing out in public. That and having gall bladder surgery at 28 got me eating. Physically unable by 35 to walk 5 miles like I use to, swim all day, ride bikes, or work hard caused weight gain. My docs say 80-100 lbs. are meds. The battle’s been so long, my docs who knew me as active are gone, and docs I gain now believe I’ve always been big. One insisted I prove I was EVER small with pics.

SO… now you know.

I’m looking into bariatric surgery, as surrender that without physical activity it’s highly unlikely I’ll get it off, or may gain more. I’m afraid of diabetes, liver disease, and complicating my spinal issues. I’m afraid of being at the mercy of others, especially as an obese patient. If life is going to take me out because I can’t be active, I get tempted to think it’s best not to take part now. That is the Lord’s call. I do not want to give up. In praying about it, that is why I consider it…. to save my life.