Gift of the Year 2017: Therapy

Lord, you know you are my greatest gift ever, and you gave yourself through your Son Jesus Christ, the love of my life! Yet in praying about this past year, you began overwhelming me with the generous blessings you gifted me with throughout the year. While I am letting you help me get that post together by still taking time to look over everything, you absolutely pointed out my gift of the year… therapy.

When I began therapy 19 months or so ago, I could hardly walk, move my neck,  struggled to lift my legs to get in and out of the car, the tub, or to change clothes. It was so painful to sit, stand, walk, or even lay down, or allow my back to touch anything. I was clinically sleep deprived. I went from hardly ever taking meds to strong meds that were not doing a thing. When I began therapy several hours a week, every week, for the last year and a half, Blake did the hand work to my back and neck that finally allowed blood flow, which allowed my medicines to work, and any shot to have better circulation.

When Dr. Buzz began to do blocks, after the first one I went straight home and fell asleep for the first time in months… yes months… years since I could sleep more than 3 hours… and without pain! I was able to improve on personal hygiene, lay on my back, finally elevate my feet, start attending church more often, and tolerate standing better for singing at least a little bit.

In the last year, I have had more types of therapists than I even knew existed. The number of doctors, therapists, specialists, and procedures were just too much, though I kept a daily record. Between medicines, surgeries or procedures, vigorous therapies, medical tests, medicine changes, all while struggling with memory, concentration, the ability to focus, got the best of me several times. I was told it was metabolic, but I needed (and will probably need for life) the medicines just to function.

If it were not for therapy and blocks, I would be in such a miserable state, IF I were here at all. While I wanted answers and relief, and did whatever was asked of me, I had given up in many ways. I had no energy at all because it was all going into doing simple things… sit, stand, walk, use the bathroom, shower, sleep, dress and undress. I thought I was surely losing the battle, especially since I had many other health issues, and all my doctors could see was weight…. thinking it was all about food and me.

I praise your name for the therapy that helped me not to give up, to better communicate with my doctors, and better understand why my doctors thought such incorrect and negative thoughts, learning to better understand what they were asking of me, and if all else fails not to give up trying so that I can know I did everything asked of me.

My dietician therapists were such a supportive team. How can I thank you, Lord, enough for sending my dietician coach? It makes all the difference in the world to have someone on your side, to believe you, and to help you figure out what’s going wrong, or at least how to better deal with it, without giving up.

Towards the end of the year, I was diagnosed with lymphedema and lipedema. Robbie’s vigorous work with my legs and compression made a vast difference in the health of my legs and feet before I was released to begin work with a whole new team of therapy specialists. The most comforting words I heard from complete medical strangers were, “This is fluid, not weight. This is not something you’ve done. This is something that has happened to you. There has been injury to your lymphatic system. The lipedema is fat, but not the kind of fat YOU have gained or could work off. Again it is not something you have done. It is something that has happened to you.” Even if I’ve learned I will be living with it, I finally have answers, and a TEAM of specialists gifted beyond measure.

Lastly, but certainly not least, that one who has helped to learn to communicate better between my doctors as they asked for has been gifted with patience that has saved me from giving up, saved me from going crazy, and has kept me from flying. Every day is a challenge not to lose those battles, but he completely gets it. I am not going crazy to him. I am simply physically frustrated, exhausted, discouraged, insulted, challenged, belittled, bullied, and anxious about what I cannot control or understand… which is a lot. He helps me to pause, to think it out, to regroup, to communicate, and choose to live.

The best gift of all along the way is the many believers you have brought along my path. Missionaries in the medical field. They are absolutely there! Comforting, healing, encouraging day in and day out. And even nonbelievers… you never go without using people whether they are willing or not, even when they have ill intentions, YOU are always on the throne, making beautiful things work for YOUR good through and to them, as well as to me! That’s so you!

Thank you, God, for all of the souls you have brought my way. I especially pray for my regular doctor (aka G.P. or family doc) as she has been sick enough to have to leave the practice for a few months. She was the one who began this journey with me, and signs whatever permissions she is asked to that allow things to continue. You have used her so much, and now I can do nothing to help her… but YOU CAN! I pray for her, and for each one you gifted me with this year. A greater part of the year, they were the only ones I saw outside of home. Thank you for Anthoni’s heart (and finances) to make sure his mom got to all of her appointments, as much as possible, making me promise not to give up. Thank you for being the Great Physician that you are! NOTHING would be possible without you!

New Diagnoses and New Therapies

I struggle to stay awake. I fall asleep while trying to read or write, or encourage, then awaken in spells as well. My brain strives to keep up with what I am doing. Thank God for copy and paste to transfer the poetry. Lord willing, I will get back to blogging… in His perfect timing. After adding 2 diagnosis (lymphedema and lipedema) to the many others, my regular physical therapy that is usually 2 hours of work, tens, and ice/heat/gameready twice a week has been adding new treatments. They have been helping tremendously with my legs, feet, and overall swelling. I am told I am blessed to not have it as extreme as some, but still have it significantly enough to need intense therapy to get ahead of it. My therapists work me good, and I appreciate it!
This last week was another thoracic facet block, so the pain and exhaustion has caught up with me. It usually does between day 3 and 5, and wipes my energy. I can tell a good difference though, so I praise God I will benefit from it all. And of course it means I was blessed to spend some time with Dr. Buzz and the girls. God continues to use him mightily.
I will begin some intense physical therapy of a different kind in December. I am amazed at how many different kinds of physical therapists there are. I have lost count of how many different kinds I’ve had. God has used them all! But I must give a huge thank you to Robbie for being so attentive, thoughtful, and extremely mindful of my therapy recently. God has truly gifted him! And I can’t forget Ali and Katie! Ali is so very patient with me! She and Katie keep things so entertaining as well. 😉 Praise God for each of them. And Praise God for ALL of my therapists! When you are so thoughtfully praying for me, please remember to pray for my therapists, doctors, nurses, and all those the Lord is using to send me healing and/or comfort.

Getting gaillovesgodspoetry Started

Hi, Guys! gaillovesgod here letting you know I’ve been working on getting my poetry on a separate blog  gaillovesgodspoetry, but as much as I have been struggling to have time and energy to learn how to do things… I am still learning.

I had difficulty with export downloading properly to load to gaillovesgodspoetry, so I gave up, choosing to copy and paste each poem. It means losing the loving and supportive comments, and the followers posting them, but I’m not tech savvy enough to figure it out, and it’s time consuming. My health doesn’t allow me that energy any more.

I do care about each of you who have been so supportive, so I’m leaving on gaillovesgod what poetry has been added thus far, but after also adding them on gaillovesgodspoetry I will post all new poetry there so that I can separate by years, then months, as I always have. There are literally thousands. The Lord led me years ago to do this to allow the testimony of what He has done in my life to show that growth in my writing… the spiritual gift He gave me. You are more than welcome to join me there as well.

The gaillovesgod blog will remain for… devotional journaling, challenges, reblogging as a prayer warrior at times, and simply spending time talking with the Lord, as well as sharing responses He gives at times. I ask your patience with me as I post several posts at a time on the poetry page to catch up. I’ve been checking and you shouldn’t get the notifications unless you have already clicked to follow gaillovesgodspoetry, and they will slow down when caught up.

Any feedback is helpful. Oh… and I haven’t decided 100% on a theme. I still have so much to learn, but with so much therapy (and far more to come) and the latest procedure I had this week, I am constantly falling asleep either as soon as I touch the keyboard, or worse… in the middle of talking with someone. So sorry.

I hope to get back to blogging soon. I even have an award to share… thanks to Lovely A!
Remember…. God loves you!!

 

Absentminded

Absentminded according to Webster’s 3 definitions are
1. lost in thought and unaware of one’s surroundings or actions 
2. tending to forget or fail to notice things
3. indicative of or resulting from preoccupation or absence of mind

All these describe where I have been… at least to those whom I’ve been in the presence of physically with my mind completely somewhere else, Lord. No matter how hard I try to stay present or attentive, I can’t seem to be where I am. Even when praying or trying to read Your word, I’m so distracted that I cannot think or read. Maybe it’s too soon for the organic sunflower seeds to help, but they still taste good! (Thank You for Brandy’s tip).

Seriously though, this is very annoying considering I am trying to finish a book due back at the library pretty soon, and need to start the one I just checked out. And annoying doesn’t begin to properly address not being able to take in Your word.

To make matters worse, my mind goes where it does not need to be. It thinks on thoughts not healthy to think on. I’ve not given up on trying to give this to You. That is why I write now. So we can deal with this. Face it head on. The best thing to do is to bring this to You, this inattentiveness, this absolute absentmindedness, and leave it at Your feet.

I so easily miss conversations, needed information, cues that my name was called upon, too easily confuse my meds and their timings, and neglect priorities and individuals. Trying to respond, or keeping on top of things feel so impossible. But I know who is on top of all things and that is YOU! You are not caught off guard by anything that gets by me, nor forget anything I fail to even hear. You know what is going on… around me… and inside of me… better than I do.

This confusion and escape seems to be too often for my comfort, as I would like to have no problems at all. But as I know You are the God who hears, heals, and answers, I will trust this into Your hand, and keep listening to the songs You use to minister to me.

For just like the song says,
I know You’re able and I know You can. 
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand.
But even if You don’t. My hope is You alone.
I know the sorrow and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You just say the word.
But even if You don’t. My hope is You alone.
– Even If – MercyMe

 

I Read

I read.
I read for comfort, for entertainment, for pleasure.
I read to learn, to grow, to discover,
and I read to absorb the art of God’s treasure.
The written word is such a drug for me.
There is so much to read.
This is not just a way to pass time.
This is a genuine need.
There are times reading needs a break.
To find the time to read is the true conflict.
I pray for the moment to come
and praise my Lord when I finally have it.
Now there are times I avoid reading
because I want to reject the world in every way,
but sooner or later I am drawn in by the word
and just have to know what the writer has to say.
I read.
I read because I have a need to read.
Writers, please continue to supply my joy.
God, thank you, for this artistic breed.

6-21-01 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

Letter of Apology

Lord, I hear your whisper… an apology is in order. In visiting the WordPress Reader to keep up with posts of others and encourage, I saw Lovely Anita’s post Beat the Speed Humps on her blog Discovering Your Happiness. You gave great wisdom dealing with the humps that steal our momentum. You say Be Kind to Your Body, it is the temple of the Lord.

You brought to mind a Professor who years ago gave an assignment to write a letter of apology to a part of our body. It was to be 100 sentences long. She read her own letter to her feet for abusing them, neglecting them, and simply disregarding them when they made it possible to go everywhere, and do everything.

In hearing your whisper through Lovely Anita, I prayerfully asked you what was I to apologize to? And then you reveal who THIS apology is for.

I’m sorry to you, my stomach, for the years I starved you, for “getting rid of food” before it could hit you. For allowing others to persuade me to “try this”… speed, alcohol, over the counter medicines, prescription drugs, and things unspeakable. It’s no wonder you torture me now. I tortured you first. YOU are still the one paying for it.

Life on an empty stomach is filled with pain.

Sometimes I feel like this weight is a result or a punishment for all of those years. And I don’t know how to fix it. But there is a huge difference. God has made me stronger and wiser. He will help me to nurture you the best that I know how. He WANTS me to be healthy, and to take care of His vessel, for my body is His temple.

Fellow bloggers… if you wrote an apology… what part would you apologize to?

Liebster Award 10.3.17

 

liebster-award

Well here God goes again!! Just continuing the shower of blessings… through another new friend! Little Miss Bear Paw of Family by Faith has nominated me for the Liebster Award. I was actually more excited for her when reading her blog on receiving it (which is when I saw my nomination 🙂 ). She had titled it My First Blog Award! If you don’t think the awards matter to anyone, just read her excitement! I love it! ❤
I also love her blog. She is so encouraging with snippets and wisdom of God’s word. And with such sweet humor. I’m sorry it took so long, Little Miss Bear Paw, to get this up. I had a procedure earlier in the week. I’ve been eager to share your excitement, your answers, and your take on the award. Congrats on your Liebster, and thank you for giving me the chance to nominate more bloggers! God loves you! ❤

The instructions for accepting the award and passing it on are as follows:
1. Create a new blog post on your blog thanking the person that nominated you, link to their blog, and put in a graphic of the award;
2. Answer the questions that were provided, and share some facts about yourself;
3. Create a new set of your own questions for others to answer;
4. Nominate others (around 5 to 10) and share your blog post with them so they can accept their award.

My Questions to answer:
How did your blog get started? 
As a private page to talk with God, make notes on reading His word, write some poetry. Doing a challenge with dearest Fatima of Splendor in Embers led me to opening my privacy settings, which led to another challenge with Lovely A of Discovering Your Happiness, and I’m just trying to follow the Lord from there. It’s His blog.
What is one thing you like to do besides blogging?
Puzzle Books… Word Games, Sudoku, Bible Crosswords, a large variety
What is your favorite story and why?
It’s hard to pick just one from the Bible, but I am in love with the one on Hannah and her praying to have a child, while being mocked by the other women. I may have been an unwed teen being mocked by other unwed teens who were already moms, but for whatever reason God allowed my baby boy who is now 29, Anthoni of Inner Man Theatre. I didn’t know the Bible yet then, else I would have probably named him Samuel. 😉
How do you turn that frown upside down on a less than a sunshiny day?
Singing hymns and spiritual songs! 🙂
What is your favorite song and why?
It’s too hard to pick one favorite. Instead I will share the song God gave me today. I’m having to let Him build the courage to sing the chorus. Stronger For It by Lordsong

Who is a hero that inspires you and why?
The Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit… the Trinity. They each have played such lifesaving roles in my life, and continue to every single day! ❤
Do you have a New Year’s Resolution you’ve actually kept? If so what is it? (if the if so… is to personal feel free to skip this one)
The best New Year’s Resolution I ever made was the 1st year I resolved not to make one. It was completely eye opening and strengthening to do so. God can teach us many things!

Fun Facts About Myself:
I have played on a baseball team, been a cheerleader, been known as a water bug because of how much I love to swim, use to walk or run 5 miles a day, danced, loved marathons, played basketball, used to do flips, backbends, and one-handed cartwheels off the high dive. I miss every bit of it. However, I praise the Lord for allowing the doctors to help me stand, walk, sleep, and function enough to run errands.

My Nominees:
Chinese for Beginners
Aishwarya
Ashley C.
Pushup Mama
The Faithful Mommy
Reema’s Garden
A Poet’s Paradise
Here’s My Story
The Perks of Being Different
Brooklyn’s Corner

My Questions for the Nominees:
1. What are you doing right now?
2. What is the theme for your blog?
3. How often do you blog?
4. How was your day?
5. Do you visit the WordPress Reader?
6. What was your last blog about?
7. Have you put anything on your About page?
8. What’s your favorite food?
9. What country do you live in?
10. Have you ever been out of your country?
11. When’s the last time you prayed?

Congratulations to the nominees! Remember you don’t have to participate. If you do, there’s no rush. I will be praying for each of you! I hope you’ll be encouraged to share the excitement of being nominated. Remember the person who nominated me had received her 1st Award! 🙂
Having said that… Congratulations again, Little Miss Bear Paw of Family by Faith!
Thank you again for the nomination! God loves you!