In Genesis 3:16 the consequences of Eve’s sin led the Lord to instruct that her desire would be to her husband. The New Testament has a marriage guide for a woman to know her husband is the head, and to submit herself to her husband (Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18). Finally, in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 women are told to be silent in church, and to ask anything they want to learn from their husbands at home. I am not trying to start a submission war or a theological debate. I am using these passages to convey my journey as a single woman who believes in them, in these current times.
In the previous post 30 Posts Challenge: #12 Dying to Self, I told you my single status, and gave a summary of why I used the term dying to self. Because of the importance of not just dating to date, or marrying just to marry, I have another aspect you may not know. In trusting God with my singleness, I am also trusting Him with my design to desire and my design to follow. I am designed to submit to Him. This is my personal journey designed just for me.
There are days I do miss having someone to talk with about things, especially spiritual things, from another godly point of view. There are times I miss sharing a simple walk, a chat, or a beautiful sunset with someone enjoying one of these moments with me. God has blessed me with beautiful and strong souls, very wise hearts, and fiercly protective warriors. But as much as I love allowing a man to lead and guide me, whether into a room, or through life, I must not let my desire to follow allow me to take the wrong path.
For me, if life is not about God it is not worth living, nor dying for. If God’s will is not center, I do not want any other will centered around me. Life has daily challenges, hard strifes, and grievous burdens. It also has simple tasks, days of joy, family, and friends. Decisions made in moments little or big can make or break a life, a testimony, and even the relationship that required the choices made. Families, friends, and churches are usually most effected… your home address, which church to choose, friendships or family relationships are left out at times, and young couples decide family names they can agree on for babies.
I am not against marriage, afraid of it, or too independent. It’s being just the opposite that made it hard to stay out of a relationship since my teens. Finding a man who wants to lead, and loves a woman who will be there for him is not hard. Finding a godly man who wants this is just as possible. Finding the man God wants for me is “the problem”. I am not to find what God wants to bring to me. He wants me to trust Him that He will let me know.
This is vital because God used the last 14 years alone with Him to undo what had been done, to build up what was broken down, or simply missing. I never would have known what a healthy relationship is without this time. Learning my own relationship with God built the foundation. Watching, listening to, and being counselled by seasoned couples with God at the center of their marriage has helped me prepare. Watching marriages built on the same thing come apart has taught me marriage is not the answer to hardships. If God is not first, last, and all along the way, I will likely be as lonely, anxious, depressed, or many of the things I face with now as a single.
I do not know if I will be blessed with marriage or if I am to remain blessed in singleness. I have not made a bargain, nor a wish, nor have sought to make some great sacrifice as though I am a heroine. I am a woman of God, single, trying to get through each day and what each day brings. I am as prone to desire to follow, as God has designed me to be. I, too, am steadier, wiser, and able to do more with someone alongside me. Yet, I have someone who is all that and more. He knows my anxious heart, my darkened spirit, when I need the strength to say no, or the courage to say yes. He knows me better than anyone else on how hard I love, how deep I care, and how easily I trust. I praise Him for wanting me to desire and follow Him first and always!
Lastly, I am often told I leave a cold shoulder for someone who may be interested, or that I need to let others know I am on the market. In this generation if Jesus were here and single again, instead of lining up for healing they would line up their daughters. The man God has for me (and that’s IF God does) will not need to worry. God has His back, just like He has mine. He will thank God for helping me to stay strong and committed, knowing I am determined to do the same for him. We will BOTH want God first, even before each other. Whether it be for God, my husband, or both, I am absolutely off the market!