“Trust in Him at all times; ye people,
pour out your heart before Him:
God is a refuge for us. Selah.”
– Psalm 62:8 KJV
How many times have I asked You, What shall I blog? Is there anything You want me to write? Anything that wouldn’t insult You, disgrace You, shame You? All the while something was choking the life right out of my chest? Too easily I dismissed it as “Well that’s between You and me… and doesn’t need to be broadcast to the world… only to bring them down… to depress them… or bring negativity… because it wasn’t something positive… it was honest… but it seemed so dishonoring to You.” And then You so loving remind me with Psalm 62:8 that is exactly how this blog began!
You designed a place for me to go and pour my heart out before You on this private blog called gaillovesgod because I was suffocating not being able to write to You. I couldn’t do this at home because of eyes that kept looking for my privately written thoughts to use them against me…. to intentionally come between You and me. A year later, You led me to encourage a friend who was doing a challenge by taking part in that challenge. In doing so, You led me to trust You in opening my site to be Public while doing that challenge. This challenge was to post 30 Truth Aspects about myself that others rarely knew. In obeying, You completely took me by surprise.
Others would comment on how encouraged they were, how they saw my love for You, saw Your love in my life, and either had or were going through the same things. I met so many friends all over the world… some just as in love with You… some with good reasons not to care for love at all… giving or receiving. Many are just consumed with the things we cannot avoid in human life, as Your Son very well knows.
Anxiety, depression, mental illness,
chronic illness, violence, death, filth.
Just because we are Christian does not mean we are immune from these realities of life. And just because some does not know or care that God loves them does not mean we are not to love one another and bear one another’s burdens. No one enjoys pain and suffering. You love ALL Your children.
For so many months I have avoided sharing the pain, the doctor visits, the many things that have added to my depression being so much worse lately. I read so many friends pouring their heart out to You, saying they feel alone, and suddenly I am convicted of neglecting You. Before I can get a chance to at least respond to them, life interferes and my depression persuades me I am my own evidence for why I don’t matter.
Many days I cannot write because of my health. Many days I cannot write because of circumstances. Some days the conversations of debating what to write and what does it matter goes on for so long that time and energy win out. But there are days it’s sheer neglect. If it weren’t for Facebook memories of verses and hymns, I would have been absent for several months. Please forgive me, Lord.
Sometimes You do call me away from the computer for time with You. Sometimes I am simply hiding under a sheltered wing that is allowing the rays to shine in, patiently waiting for me to notice the warmth of the sun, raise my weary head, and trust His loving nudge to be a part of living creation.
Thank You for reminding me of 5 good reasons to write what’s on my heart:
- For my testimony to show I TRUST You at ALL times!
- You WANT me to pour out my heart to You… everything!
- You are a refuge for everything that lays on my heart!
- You are a refuge for US… we need to know someone else has been there or currently is… right when we need it most.
- Everyone needs to hear God loves you!
And never let me forget SELAH! (THINK ON THIS). How much richer our lives would be if we would take time to remember Selah is not just a word. It is an invaluable moment of reflection on what You have given us to read, to act on, to sometimes avoid, to live. Thank You for giving me a moment of Selah now.
Thank You, God, for Your Word, Your mercy, Your grace, Your salvation, Your heart, Your love, Your patience, Your all! I love You! May gaillovesgod and gaillovesgodspoetry always honor You and do YOUR will, not mine!