gaillovesgod (originally posted 5.14.16 as 1st post)

**This post was originally posted on 5.14.16 as my 1st post. I no longer have the FB Group page… Gail’s Poetry. And my personal FB remains private and barely open. The only reason I have not deleted it thus far is because several family and friends use to keep in touch, as well as church family. And I watch church services through FB live. The feed is much better. You will also notice no Like or Comment button or section. I can only tell you I was still new to learning WordPress at the time. **
God loves you!

And…. here we go again. Attempting to do another blog. An attempt at putting together my testimony to leave behind… and share while I am here. Praying that my testimony praises my God for what he has done for me throughout my life, and continues to do now. I have attempted to do a couple of them before but never can find the page again, or as with Myspace… lost access when the space was exiled. I do still have my poetry page on Google with a brief testimony for when addressing someone with what it meant for Jesus to come into my life. It was even originally made to be public for anyone and everyone, as opposed to my private FB account, but eventually I made a little security to keep the ranters and haters out, but then made it to where no one can even comment because of family. I do have a separate poetry page as well in a private group on my FB called Gail’s Poetry, but I have to invite anyone. It’s really to keep from filling up the news feeds too much.

This blog is an attempt to more honest and open, as that has become my biggest hindrance… in writing… speaking… thinking… communicating… socializing… living. For the earliest part of my life through my early twenties I was always a VERY quiet person, kept to myself, not  speaking, but using one word to answer (literally if I could get away with it, and usually did), and spoke only the needed answer. That all changed in the early 1990’s. What happened, you ask? Life! It’s not like I didn’t have enough to talk about already. It’s just all of the tragedy and danger of my childhood always called for silence to survive, along with making no sign of emotion. If people could figure out my thoughts and feelings, they used them against me… to protect themselves and to gain more access to more power. In 1990, I discovered talking as a way to get through dangerous situations, and learned that it could keep people away. The more I escaped having to worry all the time, the more I awakened.

That’s right. Gail awakened. Life before that was just life. I would say it was about trying to survive, but I didn’t even know I was trying to survive. I didn’t even know I was in danger. Not only did I not realize that things that weren’t right were not normal, I didn’t even know I was here… literally. Death had been just as much an occupant in my life as people that I knew as family. That will make for a blog or two some time. For now, this is to get this page started. The hardest part is being honest. I have never wanted to shame my dad, my mom, or any of my family and friends. Telling my testimony, sharing what God has brought me through, even as a summary does that. With both of my parents  now deceased, my grandparents, brother, so many family and friends, I still do not wish to shame them, but I know that they will not have to take it personally or ask me to change my mind when they themselves encouraged me to write, to tell it like it really is, and to not be ashamed. They were ALL supportive of my writing and were so proud of me. That was the word they used.

But it will still be a struggle as nowadays I have family that gets so mad at ANYthing I say… literally. If I write a personal FB post, they get so upset. Also, the last time I attempted to “tell my testimony” as the churches so passionately preach, I was told it was too inappropriate for church. That it needed to be cleaned up. I don’t use foul language or anything like that, but sex has been a part of my life since I was 3 years old.

me at 3yrs old

That’s the earliest I can remember anyway. Yes it’s disgusting to mention a 3 year being molested, but how do you think the 3yr old felt… and wouldn’t you like to know the beautiful purity God has restored for her? So please pray for me. I do not wish to offend God or fellow believers. If it is my responsibility to give God all of His glory for my testimony, then He deserves every bit of truth. Every time these subjects have come up in life, those going through the same thing (nonbelievers at that) are always telling me they wished I would tell my story, that someone from the church needs to be honest. That there are so many people who will never see a church, and there are few people who will be honest about their testimony.

Lastly for this post, let me just that yes, I did notice my bad grammar, punctuation, and possibly misspelled words. But that’s just me. You wouldn’t know that I graduated from 2 colleges…. AB-Tech with an A.A. (Pre-Liberal Arts) Degree, and from Montreat with a B.A. (English Literature). What an insult to them, but this blog is about… my testimony is… gaillovesgod! Cause that’s what my life has ALWAYS been about. Yes God was the one doing the loving me until I had a chance to meet him, but that is what a relationship with Jesus is all about. We love Him because He first loved us.

So until next time… I leave this post to start. I don’t intend to add anyone right now unless they ASK to be added so that I can have time to figure out what I am going to do if those family members read. Eventually my testimony is meant to be public. And I have to tell the ugly so that God can get the glory for the restoration. There are so many people hurting and going through the same… or worse. They need to know someone loves them, and they need to know it’s God. They need to know that loving Him is NOT going to take away the pains of life or the possibility… the LIKELIHOOD of more tragedy. But they can know that going through it with Jesus makes ALL the difference in the world. And the best part is that I can’t wait to get to the part of the testimony where I get to share what He gives me, bless me with, and so much more NOW… every day… just by being Himself!

Thankful for Moments of Hope

Thankful for moments of hope
that God so lovingly and delightfully
surprises me with:
loving people, Christ-centered souls,
completely non-prejudicial people,
newborn babies,
kind words from hurting strangers,
and so many things
that there is not enough room
on WordPress or in the world for them all.
Thank You for today, God!
Thank You for just being You…
and for making it so obvious.

Thankful for Missionaries!

Thankful for Missionaries!!
Servants who have given their lives to God…
in every way…
their safety… comfort… nourishment…
families… immediate and extended…
provision… freedoms… sanity… health… finances,
and so much more,
all to sends God’s love
to everyone that Jesus died for…
EVERY ONE!
Thank you, God,
for allowing me to witness
such faithful and selfless disciples!

Everyone Needs Compassion.

Lord, thank You for the blessed chat You gave me today with a friend. I am always praying for You to allow me to bless him in what ever way You allow, as You have taught me to do that with anyone You bring across my path. Many times You use him to shower blessings my way… blessings of encouragement, wisdom, knowledge…

and compassion.

I can have such a hard time forgiving myself of things long ago… some are my fault… some are not. Things I thought that I already had forgiven myself for. Things I thought I had already given to You. Your topic for us today was showing compassion to ourselves, regardless of what we have done. Your Only Son put His life on the cross that we might be reconciled with You, that we may be forgiven of all sins… past, present, and future!

Talk about Compassion!

I heard You telling me to look up the word compassion
using Webster’s definition and the Concordance.

– sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it
(Webster’s)

– originally brotherly love, to show mercy as if we are all one family in God
(concordance
)

On the way home, I went into a restroom and had my hands in my head in weary exhaustion. While my eyes were closed I clearly heard a strong female voice say,

“Everyone needs compassion.”

I raised my head in awe that You had made Yourself present… even in a ladies public bathroom (but in a private stall). The voice continued singing…

“Everyone needs forgiveness.

I knew You were giving me a direct message. The first instruction being to listen for as many word clues to find the song online when at home.

“Let mercy fall on me. The kindness of a Savior.”

Oh You tugged at my heart. I heard my younger self in those words… a scared… broken little girl who has long needed mercy. How cruel was I to be withholding that mercy. And by withholding it, also withholding the kindness of a Savior. A kindness that He has shown to me time and time again… even now in this stall. I knew I was to find this song.

“So take me as You find me 
All my fears and failures
And fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
And now I surrender”
Again I kept hearing her voice… my younger self… pleading for me to accept her as she is… with all her fears and failures… and fill her life again. She is willing to give her life to follow everything she believes in… which is YOU! She’s ready to surrender it all to You. Aren’t I? I thought it was the other way around.

As it kept playing, I eventually recognized this as a praise and worship song from church that I’ve sung a thousand times over… Mighty to Save. Yet You were renewing it for me! Praise Your Holy name for Christian businesses that pipe in Christian music through their overhead speakers. Praise You for Cook Out! Bless them Lord! And praise You for Mighty to Save!

As I was looking for a lyric version to share, the first one showed the song comes from the inspiration of Zephaniah 3:17!!
One of my favorite verses in the bible!!! ❤

While the version was horribly recorded, You used it to remind me of Your loving compassion in a verse that You won my heart with in such a mighty way that it was my verse in my greeting cards for a whole year or more.

“The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; 
he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; 
he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.”
– Zephaniah 3:17 AKJV

The thought that someone would rejoice over me!! With joy!
Resting in His love! That I would be someone’s love!
And that He would find joy in singing over me!
I know that has to be You!
You’re the only one I could believe in that with!
And You ARE mighty to save!
The mountains You have moved to save me!
From my world! From myself! From hell!
I love You, my Author of Salvation!
Only You could write that story! And I’m glad it’s mine!
I believe! And I receive! You! Your compassion!
And Your love! Forever! ❤