Note for the Day 1 (Originally posted 9.19.16)

**Originally posted 9.19.16**

gaillovesgod

It’s never too late to keep on trying. Many days have come and gone since my last post, but as I have given my life to Christ years ago… every day and every thing, including every post, or pause from thereof… is yours, dear Lord. So when days pass, I leave that to you. And when you give another opportunity, I just want to praise you! I love you! Praise your holy name! While I am able, I will address that very struggle. Just to get here to post, Lord, is so challenging. It takes so much just to hold this computer. The table doesn’t come before me in a supportive way. When it is in my lap or something, it’s a balancing act. To sit, recline, or relax in bed challenges each muscle and causes a problem one way or another. It’s very distressing and very depressing. It makes me want to…

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Don’t Even Consider It (Originally Posted 5.26.16)

**Originally posted 5.26.16**

gaillovesgod

Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. – Isaiah 43:18 KJV

Good late afternoon. I’ve been trying to read with God, although the hours brought many distractions. As I was thinking how things are so different since so many family and friends have died, little pieces of the past kept emerging in physical form. There were memories, notes, and legal documents. This all while even my reading was on… the past.

God used to communicate to us through our fathers and the prophets, but now he speaks to us through his son Jesus Christ.
God, who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets, Hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds” – Hebrews 1:1-2 KJV.
There is hope in…

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Jesus in Agony – Luke 22:44 KJV (originally posted 5.25.16)

Originally posted 5.25.16

gaillovesgod

And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground. – Luke 22:44 KJV

I’m a little behind on blogging, but to still be doing it at all is progress. My mind is so distracted with other things and other people. As I was giving God my time first this morning, Luke 22:44 grasped my heart. I remembered the word agony in this verse being pointed out in a bible study once. I had read it before but for some reason I had allowed myself to forget that Jesus did not suffer (allow) His pain heroically like we like to preach and teach. It was heroic to do what He was doing, but the whole purpose of it was to suffer “as we do”… to show us He is not “above” feeling pain like we…

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Leaving Things as They Are (originally posted 5.22.16)

**Originally posted on 5.22.16**

gaillovesgod

Well, it’s been days, and as uncomfortable as the idea is I will leave the original post up, and whatever I have blogged since. While I have a tendency to regret saying some things, especially out loud, it is what it is. A testimony is not true unless it shows the progression of healing, and what the change and/or progress is. And praise God there is always the power of delete! 🙂
So much is on my mind, but it is hard to get it out. SO with that said, I will try to leave a verse or something. If the Lord gives me a thought to share with you, I will do that as well. I prefer keeping it about Him anyway!
“Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.
For the LORD shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot…

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A New Post? (Originally posted 5.15.16)

Originally posted 5.15.16

gaillovesgod

Is really new to say the same old cliche… I’m still a work in progress? Well anyway, my blog is too. Every day is a day in progress. Everything is in progress, as long as it’s not dying or dead. But even then… we all continue somewhere.
Lord, I pray for your will and your guidance. This is YOUR blog. This is YOUR testimony. Even if it’s my life, YOU gave it to me, and allowed it to be the way it was. Only YOU know how it will end. No matter what… I LOVE YOU!

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gaillovesgod (originally posted 5.14.16 as 1st post)

**This post was originally posted on 5.14.16 as my 1st post. I no longer have the FB Group page… Gail’s Poetry. And my personal FB remains private and barely open. The only reason I have not deleted it thus far is because several family and friends use to keep in touch, as well as church family. And I watch church services through FB live. The feed is much better. You will also notice no Like or Comment button or section. I can only tell you I was still new to learning WordPress at the time. **
God loves you!

And…. here we go again. Attempting to do another blog. An attempt at putting together my testimony to leave behind… and share while I am here. Praying that my testimony praises my God for what he has done for me throughout my life, and continues to do now. I have attempted to do a couple of them before but never can find the page again, or as with Myspace… lost access when the space was exiled. I do still have my poetry page on Google with a brief testimony for when addressing someone with what it meant for Jesus to come into my life. It was even originally made to be public for anyone and everyone, as opposed to my private FB account, but eventually I made a little security to keep the ranters and haters out, but then made it to where no one can even comment because of family. I do have a separate poetry page as well in a private group on my FB called Gail’s Poetry, but I have to invite anyone. It’s really to keep from filling up the news feeds too much.

This blog is an attempt to more honest and open, as that has become my biggest hindrance… in writing… speaking… thinking… communicating… socializing… living. For the earliest part of my life through my early twenties I was always a VERY quiet person, kept to myself, not  speaking, but using one word to answer (literally if I could get away with it, and usually did), and spoke only the needed answer. That all changed in the early 1990’s. What happened, you ask? Life! It’s not like I didn’t have enough to talk about already. It’s just all of the tragedy and danger of my childhood always called for silence to survive, along with making no sign of emotion. If people could figure out my thoughts and feelings, they used them against me… to protect themselves and to gain more access to more power. In 1990, I discovered talking as a way to get through dangerous situations, and learned that it could keep people away. The more I escaped having to worry all the time, the more I awakened.

That’s right. Gail awakened. Life before that was just life. I would say it was about trying to survive, but I didn’t even know I was trying to survive. I didn’t even know I was in danger. Not only did I not realize that things that weren’t right were not normal, I didn’t even know I was here… literally. Death had been just as much an occupant in my life as people that I knew as family. That will make for a blog or two some time. For now, this is to get this page started. The hardest part is being honest. I have never wanted to shame my dad, my mom, or any of my family and friends. Telling my testimony, sharing what God has brought me through, even as a summary does that. With both of my parents  now deceased, my grandparents, brother, so many family and friends, I still do not wish to shame them, but I know that they will not have to take it personally or ask me to change my mind when they themselves encouraged me to write, to tell it like it really is, and to not be ashamed. They were ALL supportive of my writing and were so proud of me. That was the word they used.

But it will still be a struggle as nowadays I have family that gets so mad at ANYthing I say… literally. If I write a personal FB post, they get so upset. Also, the last time I attempted to “tell my testimony” as the churches so passionately preach, I was told it was too inappropriate for church. That it needed to be cleaned up. I don’t use foul language or anything like that, but sex has been a part of my life since I was 3 years old.

me at 3yrs old

That’s the earliest I can remember anyway. Yes it’s disgusting to mention a 3 year being molested, but how do you think the 3yr old felt… and wouldn’t you like to know the beautiful purity God has restored for her? So please pray for me. I do not wish to offend God or fellow believers. If it is my responsibility to give God all of His glory for my testimony, then He deserves every bit of truth. Every time these subjects have come up in life, those going through the same thing (nonbelievers at that) are always telling me they wished I would tell my story, that someone from the church needs to be honest. That there are so many people who will never see a church, and there are few people who will be honest about their testimony.

Lastly for this post, let me just that yes, I did notice my bad grammar, punctuation, and possibly misspelled words. But that’s just me. You wouldn’t know that I graduated from 2 colleges…. AB-Tech with an A.A. (Pre-Liberal Arts) Degree, and from Montreat with a B.A. (English Literature). What an insult to them, but this blog is about… my testimony is… gaillovesgod! Cause that’s what my life has ALWAYS been about. Yes God was the one doing the loving me until I had a chance to meet him, but that is what a relationship with Jesus is all about. We love Him because He first loved us.

So until next time… I leave this post to start. I don’t intend to add anyone right now unless they ASK to be added so that I can have time to figure out what I am going to do if those family members read. Eventually my testimony is meant to be public. And I have to tell the ugly so that God can get the glory for the restoration. There are so many people hurting and going through the same… or worse. They need to know someone loves them, and they need to know it’s God. They need to know that loving Him is NOT going to take away the pains of life or the possibility… the LIKELIHOOD of more tragedy. But they can know that going through it with Jesus makes ALL the difference in the world. And the best part is that I can’t wait to get to the part of the testimony where I get to share what He gives me, bless me with, and so much more NOW… every day… just by being Himself!