The Wonder of You As Creator

“Fair weather cometh out of the north: with God is terrible majesty. Touching the Almighty, we cannot find him out: he is excellent in power, and in judgment, and in plenty of justice: he will not afflict.”
– Job 37:22-23 KJV

“A bruised reed shall he not break, and the smoking flax shall he not quench: he shall bring forth judgment unto truth.”
– Isaiah 42:3 KJV

“But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.”
Isaiah 43:1 KJV

The wonder of You, Lord. How incredibly striking You are to anyone who knows You. I am grateful to just be allowed to know You. I’m sorry I’m so tired, falling asleep. And that’s before morning meds. Give me the strength, and all I need to run the errands I need to do this morning. And help me to see the wonder of You all along the way.
In Jesus’ beautiful and wonderful name. Amen.
Hymns You bring to my mind today:

Isn’t He Wonderful Wonderful Isn’t He?
How Marvellous, How Wonderful
Wonderful The Matchless Grace of Jesus

Inspiration:

WGWM Study Notes, Week 1 Day 1
Job 37:22-23, Isaiah 42:3, Isaiah 43:1

My New Journal With You, Note 2

**Verses are inserted exactly where God had them placed in my new journal at the bottom of each page. I love how personal He is! ❤ **

Good early morning, Lord. How are you doing, Father? How sad You must be to see us fighting so much. If we just loved one another, how much easier life would be, and we would glorify Your name so much the greater… maybe even make You smile.
I pray that I make You smile sometimes. Just to hear Your name makes me smile. Just to think on You. You are THE reason to smile! Thank You for when You let Your Light shine through me. It feels so good inside, and feels good to see it ignite others. If they knew You and Your heart, they would smile. If they know how much You loved them, they would smile so deeply inside that they would have no room for anger, hatred, vengeance, and selfishness. They would want to spend day and night telling You how much they love You.

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
– Ephesians 4:32 KJV

If they knew Your love, they would want to spend every breath telling the world how much they are loved by the Greatest Love of all. They would want to see You smile, and be so glad to share Your smile with others.
Thank You for the hope in Your name, the hope in knowing You, the hope in knowing Your love, and the hope in knowing You love me! ❤ 🙂

I love You, Father God! ❤

I love You, Sweet Jesus! ❤

I love You, Holy Spirit! ❤

” For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.”
– Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV

The Love of God
hymn lyrics by Frederick Martin Lehman

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell.
It goes beyond the highest star
And reaches to the lowest hell.
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled
And pardoned from his sin.

Chorus
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

When hoary time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall;
When men who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call;
God’s love, so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made;
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

Beginning a New Journal With You

**Verses are inserted exactly where God had them placed in my new journal at the bottom of each page. I love how personal He is! ❤ **

Lord, finally. A moment to sit and catch my breath with You. Thank You for a moment of putting everything aside… the phone, the TV, the news, the many distractions to come between You and me.
Talking with You though is not work. It’s like breathing to move my pen in conversation with You. It reminds me I have not been writing any poetry for you lately. It’s already June and I’m ashamed to say I’m not sure if I have written anything to You, or for You this year. Have I? I think I at least wrote one or two. I will have to look. (After checking gaillovesgodspoetry, I see I have written at least 8 so far this year! 🙂 PTL!) And I certainly need to write You some. I want to! I love telling the world how wonderful and faithful Your love is, and how much I am absolutely smitten with You because of it. You deserve every word of praise and testimony! ❤
So much has me distracted lately…

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”
– Philippians 4:6 KJV

because of so much going on in our world. It’s nothing You are unaware of. You have forewarned us all of this in Your Holy Word, and those of us who read it know this is not even the beginning of worse things yet to come. These are the tribulations You tell us we will have in this world, but to be of good cheer because You have overcome the world.
Help me to be of good cheer. Help me to praise You even amid the chaos. Help my pen to declare Your omnipotence that will let nothing happen without Your knowing about it… in knowing You are the Judge of mercy and justice. Your omnipresence assures us that You are with us, looking out for us, and caring about those things that we care about. Your omniscience is very aware of every injustice, of every hurting soul, of every plea to love one another, and of every soul troubled with fear and anger. You haven’t forgotten one soul still suffering…

” Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” 
– 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 KJV

from this Coronavirus, nor those who have lost loved ones to it, nor the many souls fighting to save these lives. You are more than aware of every position of authority that is overwhelmed with so much responsibility to govern and guide us through this virus, these protests, the rioting, the broken economy, the broken chains of supply, and so much more all while trying to take care of their own families.
It amazes me, God, just how selfish and self-centered we still are despite just weeks ago we were so horrified and lost to be rendered helpless to a virus that was taking life all over the world and in our own backyards, a virus that doctors did not even know how to fight. They were losing their own battles. We vowed to do our part to stay home and not overwhelm the hospitals. And just weeks later we care more about…

“Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”
– Deuteronomy 31:6 KJV

proving we have a right to gamble with our lives only to serve the almighty dollar. We are choosing to serve mammon, and casting aside the safety and lives of our loved ones, our friends, our neighbors, and those trying so hard to save us from ourselves. And to make it worse, we are using You for an excuse to do it. But Your word clearly states we cannot serve God and mammon because we will love one and hate the other. We can’t even see the altar we are keeping lit with incense for a golden calf. What a foul odor we are putting into Your nostrils. Have mercy on us, God. Help us to put that fire out, to brake down that altar, and to kneel at Your altar, trusting You in that if we do that which is right You will provide. Help us not to be bound by thinking we are right in our own eyes. Help us to Turn Our Eyes Upon Jesus in this wilderness, on the mountains, in the valleys, and wherever You lead us. Help us to see YOU ARE there.

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
– Hebrews 12:1-2 KJV

Help us to know You are fighting FOR US, and that You are always faithful to provide. Help us to be taking from each of these days what You have for us. Help us not to be led by those who use Your name to invoke evil among Your children. Let Your light shine through the darkness trying to snuff out our light, and help us to shine so bright for You that we cannot cause our flame to even flicker, so that it does not go out. Let the warmth of Your light be our comfort. And may the world feel it so personally that it becomes their strength as well.
We love You, Father God! Thank You for this moment! I pray for my boys

Anthoni and David (DHSG)(L-R) Anthoni and David at David’s High School Graduation

and all of my family and friends, my blogging community, the missionaries, and the world community. ❤
In Jesus mighty and powerful name I pray. Amen.

“Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”
– Psalm 37:4 KJV

 

For You

gaillovesgodspoetry

For you I walk away
From all that interferes
With You trying to comfort me,
And taking away my fears.
For You I lay aside
All that tries to compete.
You alone
Make my heart complete.
For You I reevaluate
All that’s dear to me.
No more questions linger.
I can see clearly.
For You I pen the end with love,
And know You do the same.
My loving God who loves me.
My God who knows my name.

4.2.19 Tuesday
Written by Gail Brookshire

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My Very Present Help

“God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.”
– Psalm 46:1 KJV

 

Lord, I do not know in starting this post what it will be called. And I know I just posted the Share Your Passion Tag 9.27.19 and still have the notifications to do for the nominees while trying to stay awake, but I do know that I need to write this post to and for You! To praise You for what You have done for me in abundance recently, but especially for seeing me through the Transforaminal LESI (Lumbar Epidural Steroid Injection) I had to have yesterday (Tuesday). LESI.1I was nervous because I had never had one done. I have had many friends and family who had them when having babies, and guys too for back issues. Yet they were always either they did not take despite how many they gave them, how they created pain and damage somewhere it never had before the epidural, and even paralyzed.

Just days before this epidural, I had a dear young friend who gave birth to her 3rd baby. Her husband was reporting she had an epidural because the baby turned breech at the last moment when time to push. Afterwards my friend struggled with severe headaches, neck pain so stiff she could not move her head, and blood pressures running 222/98. The whole in her spine from the epidural was not healing. They went back in and did a blood patch, and within 30 minutes it healed. Praise God she finally starting getting rest and truly healing.

But with all of this on my mind, I was also so stiff and in pain, moving as though I were 90 yr old with a walker again. My neck too gets stuck several times a day, needing a pop 8 out of 10 times because of my cervical issues). I’m on 2 blood pressure pills. Friends and family were noticing and asking things like what happened, are you going backwards, and I thought your new neurologist was good. I was hurting all day from my mid back, to my sacrum, to my hips, to my thighs, to my knees, to my calves, to my feet, and even to my toes. Every one of those parts had moments of weakness and completely giving out with no warning, sometimes multiple parts at a time.

In therapy they are always trying to get my body straight for certain exercises, good posture, and to properly support my spine. When they are working to help me they see I am truly trying, but my legs do not look like they are designed to go straight, as well as my back against the wall and stay there while I do the needed work. When they literally straighten it for me by physically forcing it straight and maintaining the hold, it causes severe pain, especially afterwards. I struggle to walk and within an hour or so cannot walk anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour, sometimes taking a full night and day resting as much as possible, while using my walker to get up and down, to walk to use bathroom, and even to get up and down to use bathroom. And oh how it hurts to bend to try and clean myself, yet I still fail to be able to sometimes.

I say all of this, Lord, because today was the first Dr. B was realizing how “taxing” (his words) it was for me to use my legs to walk, to stand, to do just about anything while having to live in a world where I HAVE to. Yet when he told me to tell my doctor I had to sadly tell him again how they either just keep saying they don’t see why I really complain, or to tell him. He heard it. Just like last time. He does listen. I had to let him know the neurologist he sent me to (neurologist #7) told me not to be doing shots, but I was able to let him know I told her if it wasn’t for the shots I wouldn’t be walking, sleeping, standing, tolerating anything against my back (even a pillow), or anything. I let her know how grateful I was to You, God, for Dr. B. I had told her I was trusting You, and that You led me to someone who was listening and willing to DO what he could, therefore I was to trust whatever he said he needed to do.

Yes I heard the horror stories on those spinal nerve blocks we have done the last 3 years as well, and been told since I was 12 yrs old (the first time I woke up unable to walk and my back hurting, having to be carried to the car and into the hospital) to avoid surgeries, shots, chiropractors, or any back docs as much as possible because I would end up paralyzed. If I was able to walk, then just find something to use as a pain gauge to determine between I’m okay, I really need to sit down, or lay down and do NOTHING until my body allows me. No medicines. And my body could not tolerate cold because it stiffened it worse, increasing the pain and worsening the mobility. The heat seem to just magnify the feel of the pain. I learned to just quietly breathe it out… and not that funny breathing or any of that cry out in pain that just turned out to be more physical exertion. Natural patient breaths. Most of the time having to close my eyes and go inside with You, God, just patiently waiting.

That’s most certainly what I had to do yesterday with You! I don’t usually try to let people know I am in pain because I figure there is no point to burden others when they have their own burdens, and happen to be busy working or serving. I have to work hard at therapy and the doctor’s office because they always ask you questions that you are trying your best to answer to help the doctor, but to tell them WHAT is wrong, WHERE, WHY, HOW do you stop it, are reasons I am there to ask them to tell me. And I understand it is a 2 way communication street, but the strict insurance rules taking on playing the role of the doctor or even God, do not help. You, Lord, have allowed me to manage through the challenges of my spine for 47 years, but have made clear it is time to get answers, healing, help to know what won’t be healing, how to manage and maintain, and to learn how to better communicate to help my doctors.

This was my pain level coming in,
really for the last several months.
Even on the premed and my regular meds.
Especially when using the bathroom. 😦LESI.4It is most painful when I have to stand for more than a few minutes, like when making a lunch for Anthoni (my son) sometimes for work, or for Bobby (my 85 yr old stepdad) for lunch, or long enough to stand in the kitchen to even fix myself something. I have to lean against the cabinets, fridge, drawers, or shift from foot to foot. It is excruciating when standing for praise and worship at church (and I hate that because of how it steals Your praise, and never fails to get looks of me having attitude, a wrong heart, or even sinful).

And OH!! How I struggle to bend forward to clean myself. That’s embarrassing to say out loud, but I am trying to make this record before my memory fails me as it does every moment of the day. And the depression makes me feel like what’s the point of writing… that’s just trying, and what’s the point of trying if nothing’s going to change, except maybe for the worst. I am trying to openly praise You in a way to thank You for everything You did for me yesterday… in just by BEING THERE WITH ME! And because You often convict me and encourage me to be as open and honest as possible for my dear friends who are suffering their own chronic illnesses and the chronic humiliation that comes with it.

Like our Caz who just went through another excruciating time of her own in (A Very Mini) Mini Me Update), and her only way to escape was to share with us via WordPress, Facebook, email, and photos. The pain, agony, misery, and tears in one being bold enough to be vulnerable while feeling like nothing… to no one… just completely invisible no matter how strong the pain, how loud the shouting, or how honest the tears and anger. Hence the name of her blog and FB… Invisibly Me.

I think of her when I am on that table… praying for the face of the friend I seen in such agony… yet posting for those that she knew were going through their own things, and she wanted them to know they weren’t alone, telling them what rights they have at a time like that, and in those deep desperate eyes crying with the only ones she knows to care about her… to please still be there, please still see me… without you I have no one to see I exist… I am visible. I am here. Without SOMEONE on my side, Invisible is all I can feel. I don’t even see me anymore.

I think of and pray for
Wendi of Simply Chronically Ill,
Jill of Food, Feelings, Freedom,
Kourtney of Defining Yellow,
Caralyn of Beauty Beyond Bones,
Tasha of Pain Warrior Code,
Carol Anne of Therapy Bits,
Maxine of Heaven’s Reef,
Margaret of The Word who has been displaced from her home due to a hurricane months back, and found kindness in strangers who are lovingly sacrificing to provide shelter for her and her husband,
Jen of Jen’s Life,
Efua of Grace Over Pain,
Stu of Something to Stu Over and his beautiful children Brandon and Erin.

Dr. B was very patient, kind, compassionate, considerate, informative, insightful, and very careful with what he was doing. The numbing medicine alone when it kicked in with the premed and my regular meds, immediately decreased my pain down to moderate, but only because he was still working with needles and pressure.LESI.3Getting off of the table was much slower and challenging than it had been, but Dr. B has helped me many times come off that table in a careful manner, helping me to feel that my feet are on the ground, and that my feet can keep me upright with my head feeling like a floating bowling ball that I cannot control. I kept this face till I got out of the office and into the car. I believe it was really more about feeling ungrounded while trying to walk on it. But praise the Lord for all of that medicine. It was allowing my pain to actually accomplish this last picture representing…

NO PAIN!!LESI.2So many answered prayers, even if just for the moment.
But God, praise Your Holy name, I’ll take that moment!
And for as long as You will allow it! 🙂
So many have been praying for me, and still are.

I know the ladies of the bible study I am attending with Keitha leading (Redeemed by Angela Thomas-Pharr), the ladies of her church Gracepoint, and several who were attending the ladies banquet at Brown Barn the night before the Epidural are praying fervently for me. (Don’t let me forget, Father, to take my badge back with me for next Tuesday evening, hopefully undamaged)GB-Redeemed Badge

This picture below shows while I thought I was doing a good job of keeping some excruciating pain under control so that I wouldn’t burden anyone or disturb this awesome night out together in sweet Godly fellowship, actually made my face look like I didn’t care for my picture being taken, as if I were unsociable. I admit I didn’t FEEL like I was BEING sociable, but I still made every effort for Sarah and Keitha particularly!
(Sarah is to my right, and Keitha is behind the camera.)71555398_744552119318478_7337167265403502592_nBut I am trusting that You will restore to me the ability to genuinely show a smile that represents how truly grateful I am for these sisters in Christ who give so much of themselves… to strangers… to enemies… to persecutors… despite their own health issues (Keitha was wearing her knee brace for her poor knees, and was limping, but very much serving)…. they are doing it all for YOU! ❤

I had to miss this week because it began as I was leaving the doctor’s office.
I look forward to being with the ladies whenever You allow.
And I look forward to getting another Keitha hug! 🙂RLLBS.2019.5

As long as this post is, it still doesn’t give proper credit for everything You have been doing for me, especially yesterday afternoon! Thank You, God, more than anything for simply being there with me! When all I could do was keep my eyes closed, go inside with you, and with normal patient breaths keep telling You that I love You! Even when I could not focus to form words, You were still there. Holding my hand, reminding me of past trials and the faith You got me through with.

THANK YOU, LORD GOD!! THANK YOU!
PRAISE YOUR HOLY AND RIGHTEOUS, PROTECTIVE, COMFORTING SELF!
THANK YOU, HOLY SPIRIT, FOR CONTINUOUSLY TALKING WITH ME,
COMFORTING ME!
AND THANK YOU, JESUS, FOR MAKING AN INCREDIBLE SACRIFICE
TO SAVE ME FROM MYSELF,
FROM MY SINS THAT BREATHE DOWN MY NECK SOMETIMES,
FROM FEAR THAN TAKES ADVANTAGE OF WEAKNESS
LIKE ALL COWARDS DO.

❤ I LOVE YOU, FATHER GOD! 
❤ I LOVE YOU, JESUS CHRIST!
❤ I LOVE YOU, HOLY SPIRIT!

 

 

 

Note for the Day 1 (Originally posted 9.19.16)

**Originally posted 9.19.16**

gaillovesgod

It’s never too late to keep on trying. Many days have come and gone since my last post, but as I have given my life to Christ years ago… every day and every thing, including every post, or pause from thereof… is yours, dear Lord. So when days pass, I leave that to you. And when you give another opportunity, I just want to praise you! I love you! Praise your holy name! While I am able, I will address that very struggle. Just to get here to post, Lord, is so challenging. It takes so much just to hold this computer. The table doesn’t come before me in a supportive way. When it is in my lap or something, it’s a balancing act. To sit, recline, or relax in bed challenges each muscle and causes a problem one way or another. It’s very distressing and very depressing. It makes me want to…

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Don’t Even Consider It (Originally Posted 5.26.16)

**Originally posted 5.26.16**

gaillovesgod

Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. – Isaiah 43:18 KJV

Good late afternoon. I’ve been trying to read with God, although the hours brought many distractions. As I was thinking how things are so different since so many family and friends have died, little pieces of the past kept emerging in physical form. There were memories, notes, and legal documents. This all while even my reading was on… the past.

God used to communicate to us through our fathers and the prophets, but now he speaks to us through his son Jesus Christ.
God, who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets, Hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds” – Hebrews 1:1-2 KJV.
There is hope in…

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Jesus in Agony – Luke 22:44 KJV (originally posted 5.25.16)

Originally posted 5.25.16

gaillovesgod

And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground. – Luke 22:44 KJV

I’m a little behind on blogging, but to still be doing it at all is progress. My mind is so distracted with other things and other people. As I was giving God my time first this morning, Luke 22:44 grasped my heart. I remembered the word agony in this verse being pointed out in a bible study once. I had read it before but for some reason I had allowed myself to forget that Jesus did not suffer (allow) His pain heroically like we like to preach and teach. It was heroic to do what He was doing, but the whole purpose of it was to suffer “as we do”… to show us He is not “above” feeling pain like we…

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Leaving Things as They Are (originally posted 5.22.16)

**Originally posted on 5.22.16**

gaillovesgod

Well, it’s been days, and as uncomfortable as the idea is I will leave the original post up, and whatever I have blogged since. While I have a tendency to regret saying some things, especially out loud, it is what it is. A testimony is not true unless it shows the progression of healing, and what the change and/or progress is. And praise God there is always the power of delete! 🙂
So much is on my mind, but it is hard to get it out. SO with that said, I will try to leave a verse or something. If the Lord gives me a thought to share with you, I will do that as well. I prefer keeping it about Him anyway!
“Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh.
For the LORD shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot…

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A New Post? (Originally posted 5.15.16)

Originally posted 5.15.16

gaillovesgod

Is really new to say the same old cliche… I’m still a work in progress? Well anyway, my blog is too. Every day is a day in progress. Everything is in progress, as long as it’s not dying or dead. But even then… we all continue somewhere.
Lord, I pray for your will and your guidance. This is YOUR blog. This is YOUR testimony. Even if it’s my life, YOU gave it to me, and allowed it to be the way it was. Only YOU know how it will end. No matter what… I LOVE YOU!

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gaillovesgod (originally posted 5.14.16 as 1st post)

**This post was originally posted on 5.14.16 as my 1st post. I no longer have the FB Group page… Gail’s Poetry. And my personal FB remains private and barely open. The only reason I have not deleted it thus far is because several family and friends use to keep in touch, as well as church family. And I watch church services through FB live. The feed is much better. You will also notice no Like or Comment button or section. I can only tell you I was still new to learning WordPress at the time. **
God loves you!

And…. here we go again. Attempting to do another blog. An attempt at putting together my testimony to leave behind… and share while I am here. Praying that my testimony praises my God for what he has done for me throughout my life, and continues to do now. I have attempted to do a couple of them before but never can find the page again, or as with Myspace… lost access when the space was exiled. I do still have my poetry page on Google with a brief testimony for when addressing someone with what it meant for Jesus to come into my life. It was even originally made to be public for anyone and everyone, as opposed to my private FB account, but eventually I made a little security to keep the ranters and haters out, but then made it to where no one can even comment because of family. I do have a separate poetry page as well in a private group on my FB called Gail’s Poetry, but I have to invite anyone. It’s really to keep from filling up the news feeds too much.

This blog is an attempt to more honest and open, as that has become my biggest hindrance… in writing… speaking… thinking… communicating… socializing… living. For the earliest part of my life through my early twenties I was always a VERY quiet person, kept to myself, not  speaking, but using one word to answer (literally if I could get away with it, and usually did), and spoke only the needed answer. That all changed in the early 1990’s. What happened, you ask? Life! It’s not like I didn’t have enough to talk about already. It’s just all of the tragedy and danger of my childhood always called for silence to survive, along with making no sign of emotion. If people could figure out my thoughts and feelings, they used them against me… to protect themselves and to gain more access to more power. In 1990, I discovered talking as a way to get through dangerous situations, and learned that it could keep people away. The more I escaped having to worry all the time, the more I awakened.

That’s right. Gail awakened. Life before that was just life. I would say it was about trying to survive, but I didn’t even know I was trying to survive. I didn’t even know I was in danger. Not only did I not realize that things that weren’t right were not normal, I didn’t even know I was here… literally. Death had been just as much an occupant in my life as people that I knew as family. That will make for a blog or two some time. For now, this is to get this page started. The hardest part is being honest. I have never wanted to shame my dad, my mom, or any of my family and friends. Telling my testimony, sharing what God has brought me through, even as a summary does that. With both of my parents  now deceased, my grandparents, brother, so many family and friends, I still do not wish to shame them, but I know that they will not have to take it personally or ask me to change my mind when they themselves encouraged me to write, to tell it like it really is, and to not be ashamed. They were ALL supportive of my writing and were so proud of me. That was the word they used.

But it will still be a struggle as nowadays I have family that gets so mad at ANYthing I say… literally. If I write a personal FB post, they get so upset. Also, the last time I attempted to “tell my testimony” as the churches so passionately preach, I was told it was too inappropriate for church. That it needed to be cleaned up. I don’t use foul language or anything like that, but sex has been a part of my life since I was 3 years old.

me at 3yrs old

That’s the earliest I can remember anyway. Yes it’s disgusting to mention a 3 year being molested, but how do you think the 3yr old felt… and wouldn’t you like to know the beautiful purity God has restored for her? So please pray for me. I do not wish to offend God or fellow believers. If it is my responsibility to give God all of His glory for my testimony, then He deserves every bit of truth. Every time these subjects have come up in life, those going through the same thing (nonbelievers at that) are always telling me they wished I would tell my story, that someone from the church needs to be honest. That there are so many people who will never see a church, and there are few people who will be honest about their testimony.

Lastly for this post, let me just that yes, I did notice my bad grammar, punctuation, and possibly misspelled words. But that’s just me. You wouldn’t know that I graduated from 2 colleges…. AB-Tech with an A.A. (Pre-Liberal Arts) Degree, and from Montreat with a B.A. (English Literature). What an insult to them, but this blog is about… my testimony is… gaillovesgod! Cause that’s what my life has ALWAYS been about. Yes God was the one doing the loving me until I had a chance to meet him, but that is what a relationship with Jesus is all about. We love Him because He first loved us.

So until next time… I leave this post to start. I don’t intend to add anyone right now unless they ASK to be added so that I can have time to figure out what I am going to do if those family members read. Eventually my testimony is meant to be public. And I have to tell the ugly so that God can get the glory for the restoration. There are so many people hurting and going through the same… or worse. They need to know someone loves them, and they need to know it’s God. They need to know that loving Him is NOT going to take away the pains of life or the possibility… the LIKELIHOOD of more tragedy. But they can know that going through it with Jesus makes ALL the difference in the world. And the best part is that I can’t wait to get to the part of the testimony where I get to share what He gives me, bless me with, and so much more NOW… every day… just by being Himself!