It’s Snowy Around Here

Lord, I was going to call this 1st Snow 2017, but many could debate that as there has been “some” snow here and there. It is the 1st “big” snow. Everyone has been posting their pics. I am 3 days late, but it was a big enough snow to leave plenty laying around, as you can see from the neighbor’s snow man. Anthoni and Sandra (son and sister) were so excited about that snowman.

There was snow out back everywhere too. 😉

I then ventured out front… well to the porch anyway.
As you can see the steps were a bit snowy too. 🙂

I took a picture of the car, but the sun made such a glare. At first I was going to delete it, but thought, “That is exactly what it’s like trying to look at everything when not in the shade. Let them see just how blinding it is.

The same thing happened with the wishing well.
(which is leaning now) 😦

Even the bushes were still holding snow pretty good. And considering where they were near the house, that would explain why we lost satellite service. We were very blessed, Lord, to have only been without Satellite. I pray for our family and friends who were (and some still are) without power, water, or heat.

But from the looks of the tree closest to the house not having as much now, that would explain why the satellite came back on yesterday afternoon. 🙂1stsnow.10

Yep, it was pretty snowy around here, and still is. But with Your help, I will get that snow off the car, and get to my therapy tomorrow. For while I am praying to You for my therapists to get their cars, driveways, and steps cleared safely as well, I am also reminded of the stanza from Amazing Grace that sings,

“The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who called me here below,
Will be forever mine.”

May we be ready for that day, Lord.

 

Losing… It!

I’m losing… it. The storehouse of faces I’ve loved. Those voices I once heard whispered in my ear. Those unmistakable laughs. Those unforgettable moments I was dying to tell. Those corny jokes told again and again, but I loved the one telling them. Those little arms that came along with little smiles and wide eyes. Those exciting and luring moments that seemed too hot to forget. And all of those things that made me who I am… by knowing who I am… and knowing who I am not. Memory. That’s my it. So when I say I am losing… it, I am not joking. I am losing… my memories. I am losing… me.

It sounds so selfish to say it like that. But, Lord, how can it be selfish to be concerned about my heath. It’s not healthy to lose everything you have done in me to make me who I am. I am going to lose all of that as well. I am losing the verses, the hymns, the parables, the commandments, and the beautiful love letter your Son left us in the book of John. Worst of all, I am losing everything I know about you, your Son, and your Holy Spirit. My reason for living.

My friends used to call me “human rewind”. I was the one who remembered birthdays, anniversaries, and even phone numbers and addresses long before cellphones. I could verbally playback songs, note for note, ooh ah for ooh ah. I made extra money on jobs because of articulation, pronunciation, accentuation, and remembering the details of products, customers, and all sorts of info. I was given leadership roles in work and college organizing resources of information because I had pleasure (really a need) to keep things in some form of order for immediate access.

By your grace, I memorized countless bible verses, even chapters. You allowed me to memorize the whole book of James. I knew the ten commandments fully. I knew the books of the bible, new and old, in chronological order. I learned so many hymns, in their entirety, not just their popularity. I was asked by church to do a writing ministry because I was already sending cards for birthdays, anniversaries, new babies, weddings, graduations, get wells, and just because. They offered to keep me in supply of stamps, cards, and whatever I needed as they handed me a directory and told me to let them know whenever I found mistakes.

Now… now I’m lucky if I can finish a conversation without fumbling, or rambling, forgetting, or sounding like the high school drop out I was (my high school teacher, who was teacher of the year with NCAE and our school several years running, urged me to quit school to get my G.E.D. and go on into college in fear I was getting bored with school), or a nervous rambling wreck unable to at least keep my focus on topic. I find it extremely hard to remember the simplest of things if they’re not written down. Even then, I have to remember they’re written down already, or at least put a note where I hope I will see it. And my editorial skills, well they speak for themselves.

Friends and family are hurt that I cannot remember their special days, even more by my asking them to write it down… again… and again. They are offended by my writing the same notes I have written again and again over very personal matters, some that they only entrusted to me. They ask me not to write any more. I have not been the one who everyone comes to for everything for quite some time. They no longer trust my wisdom, my confidentiality, or my ability to be genuine.

Most days, I am struggling with medications… having to take them, having to trust them, and having to be careful of them. A couple of years ago I only had a couple of prescriptions to take as needed, which wasn’t often. Now I take 9 to 11 on a daily basis. Some I take more than once a day. I have to be careful discussing this because we have family/friends we have to hide meds from. So I have to hide them and remember. I have to write down what I take so I can remember when they’re due, and catch myself before I accidentally take meds on top of each other, and sometimes when I have already taken them again it gives me a window of time… to know when I’ll be ok. As long as I get to write these things down, it helps.

Lord, it’s hard. It’s scary. It’s depressing. It makes it easy to give up, especially when I see the hurt I put on a face, or when I disappoint those I love, and I mean disappointment that sticks for life, the kind I know from my own personal experience, and to know there’s nothing I can do about it. On top of this, losses in my life and my family have been many and continue. The people who once asked me to let them help, or asked me to be their help are not here to vouch for what I’m like, what I eat, what I’m allergic to, what health issues I have, or anything else that I will eventually have no control over. My life will be at the mercy of strangers. All I can do is pray they are your strangers, with your wisdom, your compassion, and your favor.

How does all of this feel? That’s all anyone ever wants to know. Didn’t I just say that… hard, scary, depressing, easy to give up, helpless, hopeless, disappointing, lonely, frustrated, and there’s nothing I can do… but pray. And I do.

 

All About You

Lord, tonight as I was talking with a friend about my post Finding Myself in Lovely A’s 56 Questions, she was responding to my disclaimer. I had answered the questionnaire as coming to you because I genuinely needed you to clarify some things for myself, and Lovely A titled it Find Out Who You Are (56 Questions). I wanted to know who I am… in you. By your grace, you loving assured me I am who I am in you because of who you are in me. My heart was comforted. Margaret of The Word was so loving and supportive. I was glad to have someone genuinely understand that to not include you in everything feels like I am ignoring you. And then you reminded me!

Years ago I saw a skit. It started with someone who had a life without you that seemed like one big party for Mr. Popular, who realized he was wasting his life, and that none of his friends were genuine. They weren’t even really friends. Being brought to the foot of the cross, he gave his life to you and asked you to be his God… to save him from himself… and professed a genuine love for you. When he started walking in his new life, he also realized the neighbors who were always talking about you before his conversion were not as annoying as he thought. They were true friends in Christ.

He attended church, started to serve, and fellowshipped, and became pretty busy. The skit showed you going EVERY WHERE with him from the moment he gave his life to you. But then some old friends from his old life came to visit. As he saw who was at the door through the peep hole, he frantically tidied up and put you in the closet. You asked to meet his friends, but he said maybe next time. I’m new to living with you. I don’t know what they’ll say. You assured that his friends would love you. But he was afraid of offending his friends. The heart break expressed by the person playing your role definitely had you touching that moment. It broke my heart. I could hear moanings and groaning of those watching with me.

Soon this main character was leaving you at home because they were going somewhere they knew you wouldn’t want to be. They were going to the parties, and hanging out where horrible communication was being spoken. They were even misusing your name. It wasn’t good. You were so broken and spent every moment praying for him, and speaking love for him. Then it got worse. He began to miss church and lost the godly influence. And why was that possible when the church friends should have been visiting? Because they were having you sit in the closet or stay at home because they had so many responsibilities that they forgot to come to you to say hey, or even wait long enough for you to make out the door with them. The door was slammed in your face. Again me and the crowd were heart broken to see the face of the one playing you as that door shut in your face. And yet again… you were lovingly praying for them.

I’ve always remembered that skit, and have tried my best to make sure you were welcome wherever I went, in front of whoever I met, and that anyone who knew me were given an introduction and knew how important you are to me! I know I have not been perfect, and I have had my fair share of putting you in the closet, or leaving you at home (as if you are not with me always). I am so sorry for every moment I left you out. I do not look forward to offending my friends or defying strangers when we meet, but it’s vital to me to make sure you know how much I love you, and to make sure you are NEVER ignored, excluded, forgotten, insulted, mocked, or anything that would hurt you as you allowed that actor in the skit to display for you.

That is why I have always tried to make sure you are even a part of my email address, my FaceBook, WordPress Blog, my poetry, or anything as gaillovesgod. And not just try to include you, but to make sure that me and everyone I know understands that IT’S NOT ABOUT ME. IT’S ALL ABOUT MY LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST! Thank you for every prayer you have ever spoken on my behalf. Thank you for always being so thoughtful. Thank you for setting an example of love, forgiveness, and thoughtfulness for me. You are my perfect example! Help me to ALWAYS keep it all about you!

Getting gaillovesgodspoetry Started

Hi, Guys! gaillovesgod here letting you know I’ve been working on getting my poetry on a separate blog  gaillovesgodspoetry, but as much as I have been struggling to have time and energy to learn how to do things… I am still learning.

I had difficulty with export downloading properly to load to gaillovesgodspoetry, so I gave up, choosing to copy and paste each poem. It means losing the loving and supportive comments, and the followers posting them, but I’m not tech savvy enough to figure it out, and it’s time consuming. My health doesn’t allow me that energy any more.

I do care about each of you who have been so supportive, so I’m leaving on gaillovesgod what poetry has been added thus far, but after also adding them on gaillovesgodspoetry I will post all new poetry there so that I can separate by years, then months, as I always have. There are literally thousands. The Lord led me years ago to do this to allow the testimony of what He has done in my life to show that growth in my writing… the spiritual gift He gave me. You are more than welcome to join me there as well.

The gaillovesgod blog will remain for… devotional journaling, challenges, reblogging as a prayer warrior at times, and simply spending time talking with the Lord, as well as sharing responses He gives at times. I ask your patience with me as I post several posts at a time on the poetry page to catch up. I’ve been checking and you shouldn’t get the notifications unless you have already clicked to follow gaillovesgodspoetry, and they will slow down when caught up.

Any feedback is helpful. Oh… and I haven’t decided 100% on a theme. I still have so much to learn, but with so much therapy (and far more to come) and the latest procedure I had this week, I am constantly falling asleep either as soon as I touch the keyboard, or worse… in the middle of talking with someone. So sorry.

I hope to get back to blogging soon. I even have an award to share… thanks to Lovely A!
Remember…. God loves you!!

 

Finally… Coming Home

Finally… the guys are coming home.
We’ve been praying for so long, and God heard us all along.
Yes, we lost a few men, and in my opinion many souls
who gave their all to defend our and their country.
We can’t forget them, and if we were to, it would be such a shame.
For a life lost for fighting for yet another life,
is wonderful compared to a life lost and forgotten.
And let us not forget our allies who were there by our side.
They were just as important, and played a very valuable role.
Without them we would have had a longer war and lost more lives.
Oh, for so long we’ve waited for them to come, but there are some
who will never come home, nor receive a honorable burial either,
due to the tragedy of becoming lost in combat.
No one knows where they are, nor what they go through,
and if they’ll ever return or be found.
We pray for them and their families.
And the prisoners of war are finally walking away from their horrible chains.
But the nightmare will carry on.
Let’s pray for them all – and thank God
that those of whom are coming home are blessed enough to do so.
And as we thank God, let us not forget,
those that are still over there, waiting to come home.
Waiting to see our land again, and hold their families.
May God be with us all.

3-7-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)
Inspiration: Operation Desert Storm

Jesus’ Song for Gail (taken from Song of Solomon 3)

1. By night [from heaven] I sought [Gail], but I found [Gail] not. 2. I will rise now, and go about the [earth to and fro], I will seek [Gail] whom my [Spirit] loveth: I sought [Gail], but I found [Gail] not. 3. The [angels] that go about the [earth] found me: to whom I said, Saw ye [Gail] whom my [Spirit] loveth? 4. It was but a little that I passed from there, but I found [Gail] whom my [Spirit] loveth: I held [Gail], and would not let [Gail] go, until I had brought [Gail] into my [Father’s] house, and into the [presence] of [the Holy Ghost] that conceived me. 5. I charge ye, O ye [children of God running about tending to God’s harvest] that ye stir not up, nor awake [Gail], till [Gail] please. 6. Who is this that cometh [through the fiery trials of her life shining with the light of God upon her]? 7. Behold [Gail lays upon her bed], a [host of angels] are about it, of [the angels of God]. 8. They all had swords, being expert in war: every [angel] hath his sword upon his thigh [to protect Gail from things of the night]. 9. [Gail is a vessel of the Lord]. 10. [Gail is made of God, and is adorned with God’s mercy and grace, so that Gail can carry God’s love for all of God’s children]. 11. Go forth, O ye [children of God], and behold [Gail] with the [glory] wherewith [Gail’s Father glorified Gail] in the day of [Gail’s salvation], and in the day of gladness of [Gail’s] heart.

This poem does not belong to me or anyone, yet it is written for every single one of us! It is Song of Solomon 3. I merely placed my name wherever the word was talking about me (us). Please take a moment, when the Lord allows, to replace my name with yours to read the love your beloved Savior has for you! It is the most beautiful love letter! ❤

Absentminded (Response)

Lord, You amaze me! You delight me! You answer me… personally! Just the other day I wrote to You about being Absentminded. I was so discouraged over not being able to keep my focus on You continuously. Yet this morning I awakened to a devotional that was absolutely from You to me… word for word… and You helped me to pay attention!

11.1.17 Wednesday devotional

DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED by the difficulty of keeping your focus on Me. I know that your heart’s desire is to be aware of My Presence continually. This is a lofty goal; you aim toward it but never fully achieve it in this life. Don’t let feelings of failure weigh you down. Instead, try to see yourself as I see you. First of all, I am delighted by your deep desire to walk closely with Me through your life. I am pleased each time you initiate communication with Me. In addition, I notice the progress you have made since you first resolved to live in My Presence.
When you realize that your mind has wandered away from Me, don’t be alarmed or surprised. You live in a world that has been rigged to distract you. Each time you plow your way through the massive distractions to communicate with Me, you achieve a victory. Rejoice in these tiny triumphs, and they will increasingly light up your days.
Jesus Is Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence by Sara Young, November 1

The verses that went with the devotional were these:

“Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.” Romans 8:33-34 KJV

“Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” – Hebrews 14-16 KJV

Word for word, Lord! You heard every word and replied from Your heart!
“Don’t be discouraged in this life. See yourself as I see you. I am delighted by your deepest desire. I am pleased each time you initiate. I notice the progress you have made. Don’t be alarmed or surprised. You achieve a victory. Rejoice in these tiny triumphs. Light up! (I highlighted the words You emphasized for me.)

Even the scriptures are to remind me… who am I to charge God’s elect (myself) when You have justified me? Who am I to condemn myself when it is Christ who hath died for me, rather risen for me, and sits at Your right hand praying for me? Seeing I have a great High Priest (Your Son Jesus) that is passed into the heavens, I am to hold onto my profession (my resolve) to live in Your presence because I have a High Priest who has been personally touched by His own dread of the future, who was discouraged by the lack of His own friends being there when He needed them most, and who asked His own Father (You, Oh Lord) to take away the unpleasant challenge He was facing but willing to trust You with even the unpleasant, and even struggled in the human flesh He had taken on in remembering that His Father had NOT forsaken Him, regardless of what the human mind thinks when in agony.

After reading, listening, and hearing You, these hymns are placed on my heart today.

In The Garden lyrics by C. Austin Miles
And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

I Must Tell Jesus lyrics by Elisha A. Hoffman
I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus!
I cannot bear my burdens alone;
I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus!
Jesus can help me, Jesus alone.

Victory In Jesus lyrics by Eugene M. Bartlett, 1939
O victory in Jesus,
My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me
With His redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew Him,
And all my love is due Him,
He plunged me to victory,
Beneath the cleansing flood.

I’m to follow the example of my Savior Jesus Christ by coming In The Garden alone to spend time with you. I am to come boldly before the throne of grace no matter what is going on with me because I Must Tell Jesus. He has been there and done that. He has experienced the fear, the distractions of the world, the dread of things, along with a desire to change things but willing to trust You with exactly the way things are, and the panic of a mind to feel like You have forsaken us while in reality You are right by our side.

When I cry to You that I cannot see You, hear You, feel You, and am so certain You must not be with me, You so loving remind me that when I gave my heart and soul to Jesus, I became Yours forever. You let me know that what I feel deceives me, what I think deceives me. I am a child of the King! When I come to You no matter my lot, that is a victory. I am to rejoice even in the tiny triumphs as You give me victory after victory because through the blood I have Victory in Jesus… every day of my life! In every moment of my life! This victory lights my way and lights my spirit. And while I may not be able to fully achieve a lofty goal of never failing you “in this life,” praise Your Holy name I WILL finally achieve that goal and worship You every day of my eternal life! ❤