In Love With The King of My Heart

My Dearest Lord, how incredibly awe-inspiring You are! How lovingly You pursue me! So faithfully woo me! You amaze my heart every single day! And night! Every safe and troublesome night! Just last night we had some very dangerous weather come in, leaving some very slick roads. Yet Anthoni had to get on those roads to get to work. I knew he had 4 Wheel drive, but after the fog storm that iced over the entire western part of our state so unexpectedly, not even showing up on radar as it kept adding layers of black ice, in broad daylight, leaving thousands stranded, and hundreds of accidents everywhere.

One of those accidents involving 2 jackknifed tractor trailers left my brother, brother-in-law, and family friend stranded on the Interstate for 7 hours. Even after they got off safely, the car had idled so long on the ice that when they stopped for gas, the car would not come out of park, and had to be towed home. Records were created or broken over that mysterious foggy ice storm (mysterious to us 😉 ) just a week or so before. And so I wanted to see Anthoni off on this night, encourage him, ask him to text when there safely, and just let him know I love him. But that was not how things happened.

My meds were making it hard to even open my eyes for more than a second, a very brief and blurry second. My brain struggled to gain consciousness. As Anthoni was letting me know he was leaving, I was trying hard to awaken, but all I could get out was, “I’m sorry I can’t seem to wake up, Anthoni. I do love you. Please be safe. Let me know you made it when you do.” And I did not get that out all at the same time. I couldn’t stay awake to make sure he heard me, or understand what he said when I could tell he was trying to talk to me, and seemed frustrated that I couldn’t stay awake enough to hear him.

As he started warming up the car, I began to pray to You. “Lord, please help me. Please be with my son. I’m sorry I can’t seem to stay awake even enough to pray. Please keep him safe. Help him get to work safely. Help him not to forget to let me know he did.” Again, I didn’t get this out all at one time, and I didn’t “vocalize” any of it. At one point all I could say was, “I love You, Lord. I love you.” And kept repeating it any time I had consciousness. I made the decision to trust You, to know You wouldn’t punish me, or take it out on Anthoni, just because I couldn’t stay awake. The night was holding on to me, but that’s not the kind of God You are. You are our most loving and protective Father who loves when we trust You. It’s what You desire most from us. So that’s what I did. I counted on You. And got those few words out any time my brain would allow, while making the decision to stop fighting so hard to think, but instead trust You and go onto sleep. And just before I was falling off to sleep I heard those words.

“You are good, good, oh. You are good, good, oh.
You are good, good, good, good.”

Even as I heard them, they touched my heart in such a way. You were comforting me, assuring me, that You were good and loving. You were tenderly letting me know You well understood about my meds and my concern for my son. You were a doting parent caressing my forehead as You were singing me off to sleep. When I awakened, I immediately smiled. I remembered how tender and wonderful You had been to me. And there was a text from Anthoni. That song kept coming to mind all day long. Something told me I knew the song, yet I couldn’t figure how. Good, Good Father by Christ Tomlin was close, but I knew it wasn’t what You sang me to sleep with. So I went to my YouTube playlists.

I didn’t really know what title to look for because as much as I felt I knew the song, I also had a certainty that I didn’t know it well and would have to figure it out. So I asked You to help me find it. A song titled King of my Heart by Kutless kept coming up, but I would say, “Oh that can’t be it, Lord. I don’t know that song. I know it’s in my playlist, but that’s just because our church sang it a few times during the year so I saved it to be familiar with it. It never really did anything for me. I mean, I know the message was good and godly, and I know friends on WordPress introduced it to me as well, but it just never stayed with me. I don’t even know the words.” So I Googled what I did know… the words You played in my mind as I decided to trust You… to fall asleep and let go of the night.

“You are good, good, oh. You are good, good, oh.
You are good, good, good, good.”

Again! King of My Heart by Kutless came up! So I played it, and listened… and *GASP*!!! It was it! EVERY SINGLE WORD just touched my heart! So many things that You and I personally talk about… were in those words! Here I had trusted You, but You were comforting me! In every single word!

Let the King of my heart
Be the mountain where I run

So often I struggle with getting that walk on that beautiful Blue Ridge mountain… walking the Parkway bridge. I wish so badly that I could run that mountain like so may of my friends… Joe and his girlfriend Joy, Tina… or cycle it like my friends Tony and his friends, a few of my doctor friends, Jonathan… or at least walk the trails like my dearest Cousin Kimberly (who was the first woman to YOYO the Mountains to Sea Trail in 2016 and will hike  The Pacific Crest Trail in March of this year…. Shout out to “Legs!”!! 🙂 ). Kimberly was the one who the Lord used to inspire me to walk on the Parkway. Yet as I wrote in Walking the Walk Challenge, #1 Color Walk and  Walking the Walk Challenge, #2 Texture Walk for Lovely A’s Walking the Walk Challenge, I often end up here in this bed, and have to do that walk with You right here. You help me find joy in “letting the King of my heart be the mountain where I run.” That’s right! With You… I can run! On any mountain! On any bridge! Anywhere! ❤

The fountain I drink from

I struggle too with getting hydrated enough. It’s affecting my health in so many ways, as I have noted in Self Care Challenge Day 8: Water when I was doing Lovely A’s 21 Day Self Care Challenge. So as I hear this line, I am encouraged to “let the King of my heart be the fountain I drink from.” 🙂  “O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.” – Psalm 34:8 KJV

Oh, He is my song

OH, does this ever make my day! The testimony that You finally helped me to get down when Lene invited me to write on Song of Virginity was titled The Love of My Life – I am His Song, so immediately this came to mind with an overflowing emotion that You would give me those words… He is my song! I am Your song, and You are mine! Your banner over me is Love! How loved I am!! ❤

Let the King of my heart
Be the shadow where I hide

How often I close my eyes to escape the world and its unpleasantness. How I run to You for shelter… seeking a place to hide. “Let the King of my heart be the shadow where I hide” reminds of the tender hymn You taught me years ago during storms of the Tornado Outbreak Season of 2011 that I could not hide from but found shelter in You… and every word of He Hideth My Soul! ❤

The ransom for my life

You remind me of the cost You have paid for my life. Yet instead of conviction, it is assurance that though I sometimes long for Home so much that it is all I can think about, You remind me of things You have brought me through, and things that vie for my life and soul, but You… the One who gave me my life.. is the King who paid “the ransom for my life…” because You love me! ❤ You have rescued me… for Yourself! ❤

Let the King of my heart
Be the wind inside my sails

You know, dear Lord, how much I yearn to fly! I want to just soar through the air… enjoying Your majestic beauty… feeling the breath of Your wind in my hair… and supporting my lifeless body. “Let the King of my heart be the wind beneath my sails.” ❤ Let’s fly, Lord! Let’s sail! ❤

The anchor in the waves

Again, I think of those terrible storms, and the rocky waves of this world. Yet You whisper in those words that You are “the anchor in the waves.”

Let the King of my heart
Be the fire inside my veins

As I have learned the Lymphedema that I was diagnosed with is a breakdown of my veins from the pressure of the fluid, these words definitely feel like an anthem… a cry… a determination to “let the King of my heart be the fire inside my veins.” You make me grateful all over again for the therapists. They were definitely The Gift of the Year 2017: Therapy… and are still very much a gift from You! ❤

The echo of my days

When I question… Has there been a point to my life? Have I given You a testimony? Do I let You down? Or give You a reason to smile? You remind me my life is not about my whiny little self. It’s all about You! As it should be! Again, another anthem to gladly state and pray that You would be “the echo of my days.” Let them see You! ❤

You’re never gonna let
Never gonna let me down

Whether it’s trusting You with my son, or that You won’t punish me because I cannot fight my medicines or the sleep they induce, or not be able to give You the respect You deserve to sit up or address You reverently when praying, or pray on any of the above mentioned issues… “You’re never gonna let, never gonna let me down!” And yes… that was worth repeating! That’s how much I believe it! Here I was worried about letting You down, and yet it’s just like Your great love to be tender and caring to me! ❤

When the night is holding on to me
God is holding on

Last night really tried to steal my peace of mind. It certainly fought for my consciousness, as much as it wouldn’t let it rest either. Yet as I chose to trust in You, to trust in the words I could pray to You, as well as the ones I couldn’t even vocalize to You, You heard every word… including how much I love You. You remind me that as I chose to trust You and started to close my eyes for the night, regardless of the fear of letting You down, You remind me of how thoughtful You were to comfort me, but this time the words are, “When the night is holding on to me, God is holding on.”

You are good, good, oh
You are good, good, oh
Yes, You are good, good, oh
You are good, good, oh

No wonder my soul was in love with those words. “You are good, good, oh. You are good, good, oh. Yes, You are good, good, oh. You are good, good, oh.” No wonder my soul was in love with You… the King of my heart! How wonderfully good You are to me! I love it when You give me a song or a word like this in my sleep! When only You have access to me! Thank You for letting me know You were there… that You were listening… that You were moved by my trust in You. Thank You for just being You! You ARE good! ❤

The Loss and Gain of a Godly Man

Lord, my heart is broken… for the loss of a friend… for the heartache that his precious daughters and lovely wife (who are also dear friends) are bearing… because a good and godly man lost his battle to Lymphoma. Willie S. was such a patient, thoughtful, good-hearted man. He made a huge impact on the life of my son and I. He was Anthoni’s principal in junior high through high school. This was a christian school with the same church we were all a part of.

He put up with a lot dealing with my family, while being patient, forgiving, compassionate, wise, and able to calm very ugly situations. A godly mediator gifted with wisdom and discernment, and favor… with God… and our family. Irene (who passed away in 2016) was grateful to him for leading her son to the Lord, and being so influential that her son cut his hair, shaved, and cleaned up, wanting to be a good example like the one who lead him to the Lord and made him feel so welcome.

His lovely wife has been just as loving and godly, a prayer warrior with a heart for others. We are blessed to be friends with her as well. And her precious daughters. There just doesn’t seem a word capable of describing how much I value their friendship. Role  models, shoulders to cry on, to cry with, to laugh with, to celebrate with, to worship and pray with. Personal challenges that we got through together. I hate to know they grieve. They loved their dad. They were a very close family. And praise God a family of faith!

This is what brings me comfort… to know that their dad has not lost a battle… he lost the ability to feel pain! Forever! The Great Physician gave him perfect healing! He did not lose… he gained! He gained perfect health, eternal life, and a mansion that Jesus went away to prepare for him and promised to come again and receive him unto Himself… and Jesus kept His promise! His wife and daughters have gained a new hope in heaven… a new motivation to long for heaven… a new encouragement that pain and suffering does not last forever… and that just when it seems like life is only about loss, Jesus will bring permanent gain! He will be faithful to keep His promise. And they will see Willie S. again!

Spence1

So I take comfort in knowing they have the Comforter embracing them as only He can. The one who suffered His own loss in Lazarus and in John the Baptist knows the grief they are stricken with. That is why He left His Word, His hymns, and His church, and the access to His own presence. His arms are open wide to welcome them any time… and closed so gently when holding them as tight as they need! Thank You, Father, for granting His gain, and for strengthening their hope with a peace that passes all understanding… but not Yours! ❤

 

Same wall, same dress, different person

“NEW” Series, #7 Cancer Survivor!
Praise Your Holy and Healing name, our Great Physician! You have made Crystal a cancer survivor! It’s been a long battle, but You blessed her in the fight!
Crystal, I am so happy for you! Me and God love you!!

Crystal Harper

The picture on the left was taken December 10, 2016. It was just days after I found a lump above my collarbone, but before I had any inclination that it might be cancer. The picture on the right was taken this past Sunday, January 21, 2018. This was after I beat stage 2 Hodgkins Lymphoma. It was after I went through an intense 12 chemotherapy treatments. It was after my entire world was put on pause.

When the first picture was taken, I had just moved to Virginia to start a new job. It was a job that I didn’t think I deserved because I was so new to the business. Just by reading that last sentence you can probably tell that I severely lacked confidence. I did my best to fake it, but it wasn’t unusual for me to beat myself up over one bad show for an entire…

View original post 1,037 more words

Trusting the Authority You Obey

Rereading thru David’s bloody times… I feel for those ordered to kill or those honestly believed to be honorable by obeying. Sometimes they were right and rewarded for it… sometimes NOT and ‘rewarded’ for it as well. Makes me think of our soldiers, policemen, and people trying to obey authority, as is biblical to do.

Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers.
For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God:
and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil.
Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power?
do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same:
for he is the minister of God to thee for good.
But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain:
for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil.
Wherefore ye must needs be subject, not only for wrath, but also for conscience sake.
For for this cause pay ye tribute also:
for they are God’s ministers, attending continually upon this very thing.
Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due;
custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour.”

– Romans 13:1-7 AKJV

“When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice:
but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn.”

– Proverbs 29:2 AKJV

Even Jesus submitted to authority, whether it was as a child submitting to the authority of his parents, or as an innocent man wrongly convicted, sentenced, and executed by the hands given the authority to carry out the unjustified punishment. We must be careful to obey God’s voice so that whether we are blessed to raise our swords in victory, or our lives are placed into the hands of men with authority, we will have the peace of mind to know it is God’s authority in which we have trusted, and will be justly rewarded.

“And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them:
but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart.
And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.”

– Luke 2:51-52 AKJV

“Then saith Pilate unto him, Speakest thou not unto me?
knowest thou not that I have power to crucify thee, and have power to release thee?
Jesus answered, Thou couldest have no power at all against me,
except it were given thee from above:
therefore he that delivered me unto thee hath the greater sin.”

– John 19:10-11 AKJV

“But without faith it is impossible to please him:
for he that cometh to God must believe that he is,
and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”

– Hebrews 1:6 AKJV

 

Look Up

Lord, Facebook reminded me of this memory from 2 years ago when you gave me a theme for 2016 when the New Year rolled around. You told me to make no resolutions. Just to Look Up… every day… whatever may come my way… Look Up. And see you coming for me… maybe today… eventually! You have not forgotten me. You ARE coming for me… some day. ❤ You gave me a verse.

“And when these things begin to come to pass,
then look up,

and lift up your heads;
for your redemption draweth nigh.”

– Luke 21:28 KJV 

look up

So I made this for my Facebook Cover Photo to remind me, and to motivate me. I am so glad that I listened to you! I fell in love with your sky… the firmament where you watch me from on high. I began to see you so much more. Our conversations became so much sweeter, more personal than ever, and added such depth to our relationship while I developed a desire to fly!

“And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove!
for then would I fly away, and be at rest.”
– Psalm 55:6 KJV 

8.15.17.2 Self Care Challenge, Day 14 Treat Day

When I see your clouds so high in the sky, I am envious that they could linger around in the sky, so close to you, and floating in the midst of your beautiful creation.  I wish I could just spread my wings and soar. But you remind one day I will.

“then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.”
– 1 Thessalonians 4:17 KJV

2bows3

 

Sometimes you delighted me with nice surprises like this double rainbow. Ever so faint, but I could see it as you brought to mind 2 Kings 2:9.

“And it came to pass, when they were gone over, that Elijah said unto Elisha, Ask what I shall do for thee, before I be taken away from thee. And Elisha said, I pray thee, let a double portion of thy spirit be upon me.”
– 2 Kings 2:9 KJV

sky4

One of my favorite nights was on our best date night we had this last year of 2017. For while the theme was given for 2016, I fell in love with looking up into your firmament and seeing you every moment of the day. All of these pictures in this post were 2017.

Delight thyself also in the Lord;
and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” 
– Psalm 37:4 KJV
“For then shalt thou have thy delight in the Almighty,
and shalt lift up thy face unto God.”
– Job 22:26 KJV

And you are a God who delights in giving us the desires of our heart… when they are desires that you have put there. By following you in Looking Up, I gained a desire to want to see more of you. You took a lot of fears and anxieties, and turned them into joys and delights. And by continuing to follow you in faith, I heard your whisper drawing me to my front row seat of My Fireworks in July. Again, your word was my guide. You wanted me to believe you are a rewarder… and you are! ❤

“But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”
– Hebrews 11:6 KJV

 

Choose Life

“I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live: that thou mayest love the Lord thy God, and that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he is thy life, and the length of thy days: that thou mayest dwell in the land which the Lord sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.” – Deuteronomy 30:19-20 KJV

This is the verse you have given me, Lord, for this year ahead. Weeks ago I began asking if there was anything you wanted me to focus on, making sure to be careful not to make promises I cannot keep or that you were not asking of me. You lovingly taught me the value of not making resolutions, and the peace of following you instead of the world the first year you led me not to make one, and not to let the world make me feeling guilty.

You brought to mind things that happened through the year, and how this battle for my health was following your instruction to fight! At least you would know I was trying to do all you asked of me. Even if I lost the fight… I would go down obeying. Now you are saying CHOOSE LIFE. You used Caralyn’s broadcast to confirm it with Deuteronomy 30:19, and explained why with verse 20.

Choose Life… not just to live… but to love you… to obey you… to cleave to you… because YOU are my life… and the length of my days.

So…. by your grace… in your strength… according to your will… I will choose to live…
to love… to obey… to cleave… to my life… which is all you!

Some things you have encouraged me to use as a source of strength and Motivation are:

  1. Writing down the bible word for word as you lead.
    (I was so motivated I already began in December.)
  2. Continue to fight for my health. (Philippians 4:13)
  3. Lovely A’s Walking the Walk, and blogging it as you give it.
  4. Blogging (both blogs)
  5. Writing poetry
  6. Color Therapy (You gave me plenty of materials for Christmas!)
  7. Music (You use Hayley to make it enjoyable! ❤ )

None of these are in specific order. And there may be some I have forgotten, or that you will add along the way. But whatever the journey has ahead you have assured me…

“I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go:
I will guide thee with mine eye.” – Psalm 32:8 KJV