My Proverbs Journal (Chapter 31)

IN JULY OF THIS 2020 YEAR, THE LORD GAVE ME A PROVERBS JOURNAL THAT ALLOWED ME TO READ A CHAPTER EACH DAY, AND THEN NOTE FROM THAT READING. BELOW WILL BE A LINK TO THE CHAPTER FOR EACH DAY, MY NOTES FOR THAT CHAPTER, AND SOME DAYS POETRY THAT HIS WORD INSPIRED ME TO WRITE AS WELL. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL AND STRENGTHENING JOURNEY.
THANKS GOD FOR THE MOMENTS! I LOVE YOU! 

Proverbs, Chapter 31 (Click here to read for better understanding of the connection between the scripture and the notes they inspired below.)

Dearest Lord, Here we are this morning finishing this Proverbs Journal. Immediately I am going to miss it. Oh yes a part of me will be glad to not be bound to a schedule (that I’m often trying to catch up with), but my soul that loves to write… to You… about Your love… and on the things You give me in Your Holy and precious word will miss it. Your word is priceless, such a treasure. Just like You!

Proverbs 31 is a whole different chapter for me. Really for You and me. That is the way You’ve made my life. Even without knowing every single word of Your bible, You led me, taught me, and whispered Your loving Holy Ghost into my soul. That’s yet another amazing thing about You. If one doesn’t know You, God, nor Your Son Jesus, nor the Holy Ghost, You are still pursuing to save. Jesus still died for the one He went away to prepare them a room, yet is still just a prayer away to keep His promise to comfort with His peace, and Your Holy Ghost is still praying with moanings and groanings that cannot be uttered, and whispering those words of instruction, guidance, and those tender words of love that lead them to You, and leads them to salvation, that helps find You, Your word, and Your Son. How precious Your faithfulness. Your unconditional love is unmatched , as hard as we may try.

That’s what Proverbs 31 is for me… Lemuel and his mom. Lemuel is a king who is prophesying what his mother taught him… the wise and godly words of a queen that I am amazed about because most kings and queens in the bible were more focused on rule, and their ways. They were even often anti-God. But this queen has a special place in my heart because like me she had a boy who was growing into manhood that she was responsible for in teaching about life, knowing what he would do in the future would effect others, and would determine his own life. Yet she had a heart for You God! I love that about her!

She is the one You gave the words to that became the famous “Virtuous Woman” chapter. The woman the ladies of the church try to copy, to be like, and to worship really. But so often they completely miss the value of Lemuel and his wise mother who loved her son who would be king, and found it incredibly important to teach her son how to deal with people, how to conduct himself, and to find a woman who feared God above all the favor and beauty that even the “idea of a virtuous man” to copy that can deceive a husband, others, and ourselves.

I did not know the bible too well as a single Christian mom of a little boy, not even knowing I was a Christian, yet You brought me verse 30 to guide me! It’s more of that loving relationship that You gave me between You, me, and Anthoni. You used him so much in my life. You used him to bring me out of the ungodly environment and teaching going on around me, and inside me.

You gave me Your own wisdom and leading from just trusting You, believing in You, and of course being afraid of You too. I did not question that fear, but as the world would tell me it was wrong to fear You, believing in You, and of course being afraid of You too. I did not question that fear, but as the world would tell me it was strong to fear You, You started teaching me Your wisdom in Your Holy word which says all over it to fear You is the beginning of knowledge, the beginning of wisdom, and the way to understanding of the Holy Things.

So when I see Lemuel remembering what his mom taught him, my heart is touched. And at the same time, I learn from him and his mother. We have several things we agree on teaching about the warnings of a woman taking the strength of a man if she is not good for him. It will destroy him as a man and as a king, which will destroy his kingdom.

It is not wise to drink, light or heavy alcohol. It can easily pervert his thinking, his judgment, and his testimony. Surprisingly, she tells him to let the poor and dying drink to forget their misery. Only surprising to see even Your word says it. I mean this is the virtuous woman. To me it makes sense. I’ve grown up in it. Yes abused as well. But I’ve watched alcohol be used to medicate, to ease symptoms, to dull pain for the dying and the poor and broken. As long as it’s done in private, to help sleep, or for medical purposes without hurting someone else, it makes complete sense. I mean, why else did You make that vine, God?

You made the vine, and when Jesus turned the water into wine, it was said to be “the good stuff.” The host even talked about the first wine being the wine to make men drunk. Jesus did not rebuke him. He did not put a speech in that part of scripture against “any alcohol.” He even said at the Passover He would not drink from the vine again again until we are all together in heaven. Again being a key word. And it will be drank of in heaven! Alcohol DOES have a proper place. It is just meant to be used wisely. A lot like the tree of knowledge and the tree of life. And really food too. Like a lot of things that are good in moderation, but become bad when misused.

Lemuel also remembers his mom telling him to speak up for those who could not speak. to speak and judge righteously, and to plead the cause of the poor and needy. And then he remembers those now famous words regarding the virtuous woman.
She’s priceless! Invaluable.
Her husband’s heart safely trusts her.
He has no need of spoil.
She does him good and not evil all of her days.
She works willingly with her hands.
She provides food for her table.
Even when it means feeding her family late in the night, or being up all night to provide it.
She makes sure her helpers are even provided for.
She is wise and careful when considering property. She makes sure it will be good for the purpose she is led to buy it, and then is diligent to work it for its purpose. 
She girds herself with what she needs to be strong in doing that works, and the work strengthens her inside and out.
She knows when the purpose has brought good and is ready to be sold, used, or provide.
She works and/or uses the purpose into the night, even if working by candlelight (or a lamp light for us).
She uses her strengthened hands to finish and prepare her goods.
She reaches out to the poor and needy.
She is not afraid when snow comes because she has prepared for what her family has need of to keep them warm.
She makes herself tapestry and clothing, out of nice things that will be strong and last.
Her husband is well known when he sits among the elders.
She makes fine things out of her things grown for a purpose and sells it.
Strength and honor become her own clothing, and she shall rejoice when times to rejoice come.
She speaks wisdom with kindness.
She does very well in looking after her household. She is not lazy.
Her children call her a blessing. Her husband sings her praises.
A lot of women do well, but she is clearly seen to excel them.
But be careful of that favor, it can be deceitful.
Her beauty can be her vanity.
It’s her fear of the Lord that she is to be praised for. It will in turn bring Him praise.
Give her the fruit of her work, and let her works praise her among the people.
When they see the woman is known to be wise, strong, hardworking, generous, diligent, and faithfully looking out for her family, and remember also how she does what she does in fear of the Lord, they will see God in her.
When they praise her, they will be praising God. 
Her example that leads them to believe she is good, and does good, will help them to see that God is good! And all that He does for us is good.

Proverbs 31 is beautiful because of the relationship between Lemuel and his mom. Even more touching is that this chapter is him prophesying from the memory of the words he recollects his mom teaching him.

Thank You for allowing me to see it, to witness it, and for teaching me along the way to use this as an example in raising Anthoni, the importance of teaching him truth and the value of a Godly woman. For teaching me how important it is to pray for him and her… before and during their marriage. Thank You for teaching me the value of what she will be to my grandchildren. And for lovingly teaching me the value she will be to me! In her presence… in my absence… in her purpose… in her love for You.

You took me from being hard to get along with females to teaching me how to be one, the value of her, and the value of having her in my family, married to my son, raising my grandchildren. I pray for her now. I pray for them both. And I pray for my grandchildren.

I love You, Lord. Thank You for the book of Proverbs. And thank You for being the wisdom for those who have not read You, but love You! Who revere You. Who fear You. You are the definition of understanding. You are the definition of peace. And I am grateful to know You! I love You! No matter what!

Lord, You allowed this chapter of Proverbs 31 to inspire to write the 2 poems below:
A Boy And His Mom’s Wisdom
Virtuous Teaching

A Boy and His Mom’s Wisdom

A boy and his mom.
A king and a queen.
Words of wisdom.
And I get to glean.
Teaching and leading.
A mom loves her son.
Recalling prophecy.
He remembers what’s to be done.
Judgment, discernment.
Needed strength to rule.
Consider the poor and needy.
No need to be cruel.
Righteous and sober.
A testimony to protect.
No time to get drunk.
No time to neglect.
Virtuous and diligent.
A woman of God.
She’s to be praised,
And given the gentleman’s nod.
Favor, beauty.
Beware of passing deceit.
Fear of the Lord
Makes a woman complete.

7.31.2020 Saturday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspired by Proverbs 31

Virtuous Teaching

What a joy for a mom in raising her boy,
To give him wisdom and seeds of joy.
To watch his strength gain each day,
And trust that teaching to lead his way.
God is in that teaching because it’s all about Him.
Teach the boy God’s ways, he’s going to need them
Teach him to find the wife with God’s favor.
Her love for Him is what’s to savor.
A man and his wife, and the children they bring.
They will teach them to keep God in everything.

7.31.2020 Saturday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspired by Proverbs 31

My Proverbs Journal (Chapter 23)

IN JULY OF THIS 2020 YEAR, THE LORD GAVE ME A PROVERBS JOURNAL THAT ALLOWED ME TO READ A CHAPTER EACH DAY, AND THEN NOTE FROM THAT READING. BELOW WILL BE A LINK TO THE CHAPTER FOR EACH DAY, MY NOTES FOR THAT CHAPTER, AND SOME DAYS POETRY THAT HIS WORD INSPIRED ME TO WRITE AS WELL. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL AND STRENGTHENING JOURNEY.
THANKS GOD FOR THE MOMENTS! I LOVE YOU! 

Proverbs, Chapter 23 (Click here to read for better understanding of the connection between the scripture and the notes they inspired below.)

Lord, good morning. It is nice to sit and spend some time with You. It always feels like a safe place that I so desperately don’t want to leave because it feels like I am leaving You. It makes me fear so greatly that I will sin, and I want more than anything to never be able to sin against You! To never hurt You! Grieve You! Insult You! I hate disappointing You. I know You still love me no matter what, but I want so desperately to be perfect for You.

My hope is that I will be made perfect in heaven, never to sin again, never focused on earthly and selfish things. I will spend the rest of my days praising You! How beautiful heaven must be. The angels beckon me from heaven’s open door, and I can’t feel at home (on earth) anymore. This world has lost its grip on me.

Proverbs 23 begins talking about food, and being diligent in our faith, not letting our appetites have the best of us. You literally tell us to put a knife to our throats if we’re given to the temptations of the king that represents the world of idolatry, serving other gods through feats and foods. It’s like when You told us not to let our belly be our god.

You tell us not to labor to be rich, that riches can fly away. We are to avoid eating with the man who is focused on his riches. They can deceive and mislead our heart. As our heart thinketh, so we are. Those things will make us sick, and rob us of our sweet words of wisdom.

We are not to remove the ancient landmarks, nor take the lands from orphans, for You are their mighty redeemer and plead their cause. We need to apply our hearts unto instruction, and our ears to words of knowledge.

We are to correct our children. They need the discipline to keep them from jail and hell. Wise children cause us to rejoice. We are not to envy sinners, but instead to fear You for the sinners will have an end. We need to hear Your wisdom, and let You guide our hearts.

We are not to have anything to do with winebibbers (alcohol), nor riotous eaters. Violence is never a good thing. And being a drunk or glutton will just cause us to starve and not have what we need to get clothes. We are to hearken to our fathers and not despise our mothers. We are to value truth, wisdom, instruction and understanding. Wise children are a joy.

You warn of the whore and the strange woman.

Wine distorts our view, perverts our words, and leaves us clueless to our surroundings and our circumstances. Yet we awaken, we’ll get sick, and do it all over again. Help us to follow Your wisdom.

My Proverbs Journal (Chapter 22)

IN JULY OF THIS 2020 YEAR, THE LORD GAVE ME A PROVERBS JOURNAL THAT ALLOWED ME TO READ A CHAPTER EACH DAY, AND THEN NOTE FROM THAT READING. BELOW WILL BE A LINK TO THE CHAPTER FOR EACH DAY, MY NOTES FOR THAT CHAPTER, AND SOME DAYS POETRY THAT HIS WORD INSPIRED ME TO WRITE AS WELL. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL AND STRENGTHENING JOURNEY.
THANKS GOD FOR THE MOMENTS! I LOVE YOU! 

Proverbs, Chapter 22 (Click here to read for better understanding of the connection between the scripture and the notes they inspired below.)

Lord, Thank You for the early morning study hours with You, and that extra little bit of rest. It was so needed, and felt so sweet and peaceful coming right behind reading Your word. You make everything sweet, and You ARE peace. I love that about You.

Proverbs 22 starts off telling me that a good name and loving favor are more valuable than great riches, and silver and gold. You are the maker of all the rich and poor alike. It is prudent to hide from any foreseeable evil, otherwise I will be punished. Humility and fear of You bring riches, honor, and life.

Froward people are traps and thorns (which sounds painful). I am to keep my soul far from them.

Verse 6, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it,” has been a command and a promise that I have lived by since I was a young unwed teen mom of a precious little boy. How I knew that scripture when I really didn’t know the bible for myself, only what I had heard here and there through the years amazes me. But You assured my troubled spirit that what I had seen of other Christians’ children growing to hate You, that if I did my part (which was the command I was to obey) that You would take care of the rest because You would take care of him, regardless of the years or times he would learn from his mistakes. He would always be Yours wherever he was/is.

Borrowing makes us servants to the lender. A bountiful eye is a good thing because it causes us to share food with the poor. Getting rid of a scorner brings peace. To love pureness of heart brings grace and good friendships. Your eyes, LORD, bring knowledge. Laziness can make us fear, paranoid, and dread.

It is not a good thing to be abhorred (hated) of You, God. Foolishness brings the need for correction. It is wise to be good to the poor, and to be wise with our monies. Help me to always bow my ears to Your wise words, and to apply my heart unto Your knowledge. They are pleasant to keep within me. They will be fitted in my lips (praise Your Holy name).

Thank You for making this known to me that my trust may be in You. Thank You for the excellent things You have written to me on counsels and knowledge, that I might know the CERTAINTY of the words of Your truth, and that I might answer with Your words of truth to those You send my way.

It is not wise to rob the poor or the oppress them. You will plead their cause, and do to us what we did to them. It is not wise to be friends with the angry person, nor wise to hang with them. We will learn their ways and become a danger to ourselves. We are not to get involved in debt or being collateral. We could lose everything, even the bed we sleep in.

I am not to remove the ancient landmarks which You have set through our fathers. That’s important to You, so it is important to me. I am to be diligent in my business.

A God Who Loves Me

gaillovesgodspoetry

A God who loves me,
Despite how I can be.
Who gave me wisdom
To help me see.
Who sent instruction
To rescue me.
To save me from lies
That only deceive.
A God who loves me,
Despite my lack.
He’s willing to give
So I can give back.
He knows my nature,
And still He gives.
He tasted of death
So that I could live.
A God who loves me,
And lets me love Him back.
How grateful I am
For that fact.

7.10.2020 Friday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: Proverbs 10 of my Proverbs Journal

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A Wise, Understanding Family

gaillovesgodspoetry

Wisdom, you are my sister.
God has said we’re family.
I am to trust your words.
I am to trust your whispers.
I am to heed your shoutings.
I am to seek and trust you.

Understanding,
You are my kinswoman.
I am to follow your lead.
I am to trust you to keep me.
I am to accept you as family.
Because in God’s eyes
You are! ❤

Wise understanding,
Oh how I need you,
To keep me from flattery,
To keep me from self destruction,
To keep me from falling into a snare,
Bound for hell.

Lord, I seek. I call on.
And I trust through your faith
In wisdom, understanding.
We are all one family.
Your family.

7.7.2020 Tuesday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: Proverbs 7 in my Proverbs journal.

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Adultery Is Sure Jealousy

gaillovesgodspoetry

Surety, you are no friend.
You know my God does not want
Me to entertain you.
You know He warns against you.
You know you’re putting chains on me
If I were to give thought to you,
Or speak on your behalf.
No one can speak for you.
Only God can say,
“Have nothing to do with her.
Plead release from her,
But if she insists the debt be paid,
PAY IT!
BE DONE WITH HER!
THEN LEAVE HER ALONE!”
Jealousy is your friend.
She tries to flatter me.
She tries to convince me that
“He” is worth it too.
After all, a woman’s jealousy is
So much well known that she is
Referred for “her fury.”
No Surety. No Adultery. No Jealousy.
Only God! Only His wisdom!

7.6.2020 Monday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: Proverbs 6 in my Proverbs Journal

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My New Journal With You, Note 8

**Verses are inserted exactly where God had them placed in my new journal at the bottom of each page. I love how personal He is! **

Good morning, Lord! It’s really the middle of the night as far as I’m, concerned, but technically… officially… it is 2:45 in the early morning. So it is morning.

I just needed to come talk to You. To sit with You. To lay in Your arms. to lean on You.. with my head on Your shoulder and my heart in Your hands.

So much has happened in this last week. It’s left me completely mindful this week as well. There is so much I need to note… for You.. for me… for my sanity. It doesn’t help that so much is going on in the world too… around us and across from us. No wonder so many are checking out. It’s not fair to You.

So many words, emotions, judgments, threats, temptations, fears, and so much more are being thrown at us. It’s hard to find someone to lean on, to talk to, to confide it, to counsel with… because we’re all going through this… even the strongest of us… so we need to be mindful of one another…

“The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.”
– Zephaniah 3:17 KJV

to hold our tongue and all on the wrong to be done to us… so that we don’t lay our burdens on top of someone’s already heavy load. With so many losing their battle under the weight of their own burdens, it’s a very difficult time. Stress can be a pretty fierce opponent.

Praise You for being strong enough for all of us. Nothing is an opponent to You. Thank You for being mighty… Almighty! Thank You for being ever present, for being True and Faithful… Sure and Steady… Strong and Upright. Thank You for being You.

I miss writing to You, God. It’s been a couple of months since I wrote some poetry, but it feels like forever. It feels like I need to exhale so badly. What is it that I need to get out, especially when You are having me be as discreet as possible with my words. Even my thoughts are going through Your filter. What

“For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth:”
– Job 19:25 KJV

is it? Is it as important as it feels? Or is it just my mind trying to run away with me? What is it You are trying to say to me during these uncertain times? That You are the only thing that is uncertain? I know that You are! ❤

The Paper Waits to Relay

Words, thoughts, chasing shadows.
Things heavy on my mind.
There are no answers for the questions.
The days are left behind.
The pen runs with the ink.
The paper waits to relay.
Do the words have Your permission?
What are they allowed to say?
Weary, scared, confused,
The world wonders what to do.
The pen needs to write the message,
God loves you!

10.21.2020 Wednesday
written by Gail Brookshire

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
– Matthew 11:28 KJV

PS… Lord, I LOVE how Your verses always address exactly what I am talking to You about, but from Your wisdom of what I need. You are so personal! ❤

Discretion, A Mutual Friend

gaillovesgodspoetry

Discretion,
You and I have been friends
Many times over.
I thank God for being our
Mutual Friend.
He is wise to tell me to choose.
He tells me to choose you
Is to choose wisdom.
Thank you for being
A faithful companion.
Thank you for helping me
Keep my mind on Him.
Thank you for helping
To escape my folly.
Thank you for clarifying
What I can and cannot trust.
Thank you for not wanting
To make a mockery of me,
For not shaming me in my own guilt,
As I so rightly deserve.
Thank you for preserving me for Him.
Thank you for teaching me
What’s right.
Thank you for helping me to honor
our Mutual Friend.

7.5.2020 Sunday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: Proverbs 5

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Let’s Pursue One Another

gaillovesgodspoetry

Wisdom, let’s pursue one another.
I need your instruction,
And you need my obedience.
I need your knowledge,
And you need my heart.
I need your understanding,
And you need me to attend you.
I need you to establish me,
And you need me to exalt you.
I need you to preserve me,
And you need me to keep you.
I need you to lead my paths.
You need me to keep looking straight ahead.
I need your grace and your glory.
You need me to honor God’s word.
His promises mean so much to me,
And you mean so much to Him.
He tells me so much about you,
And promises so much value.
Help me to receive the good
In trusting His word.
Help me to honor HIm
In trusting you.
Wisdom, knowledge, understanding,
Let’s pursue one another.

7.4.2020 Saturday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: Proverbs 4

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The Thirteenth Disciple Tag 7.27.2020 and 8.16.2020

Dear Lord, how interesting and exciting. This tag (The Thirteenth Disciple Tag) that Charity (aka Purple Rose) of Confessions And Thoughts Of A Reluctant Preacher’s Daughter created and nominated me for The Thirteenth Disciple Tag on 7.27.2020, a tag that she created. Thank you for having my dear sister think of me. Please forgive me for taking so long to get this done, and please let Charity know how grateful and excited I really was regardless of what they dates say. When I first read Charity’s tag, it made me smile and think of my mom. Whenever people would try to say the number 13 was bad luck, taboo, or evil, my mom would remind them that the 12 disciples plus Jesus made 13. ❤

Then you had my dear brother Stu of Something to Stu Over also nominate me for The Thirteenth Disciple Tag on 8.15.2020. Again I have taken so long. Please let Stu know how grateful I am for him as well. Bless them both and encourage them, Lord. Normally I would do the tags separate, but because I have taken so long I will do them together.

Thank you, Charity, for thinking of me. You created such an awesome tag! I loved the idea of hanging with Jesus!

Here Are The Rules:

  1. Thank the person who tagged you and include a link to their post.
  2. Link the original post (The Thirteenth Disciple Tag) and give credit to the creator of this tag (Purple Rose) https://reluctantpreachersdaughter.wordpress.com
  3. Answer the 13 questions asked by Purple Rose
  4. Tag as many people as you like
  5. Use the original tag image as the FEATURED image on your post:

Purple Rose Thirteenth Disciple Quote

Here are the 13 questions:

1. Which disciple is your favorite?
John… the one who was noted for loving Jesus so, and who wrote the book of John that is absolutely Love, Love, Love. It even has the REAL Lord’s prayer where Jesus is praying to the Father on our behalf in chapter 17! ❤

2. How often do you pray The Lord’s Prayer?
Funny that this is the question just after I was thinking on it. 🙂 I pray as often as the Lord allows. There was a time I prayed it every day before I started my day, and every night before I went to bed as I felt the Lord asking me with compelling compassion, “Do you not think the words my Son gave you would be enough for everything?”
I had been praying for “the right” thing to pray. So I committed to using it to pray for ALL my needs in those only 2 prayers of the day, allowing anytime I felt I should be praying more to God’s trust. It is amazing how He opened my eyes and my mind to those words covering every single thing we need prayer for. And why wouldn’t they? Would Jesus leave us unprepared or ill equipped??
NO! OF COURSE NOT!

3. How often do you take communion?
It depends. If I attend my stepdad’s church, they do it every Sunday at the end of service. If I am at my church, I believe it’s quarterly (every 3 months). But since COVID arrived, I have not been back to church physically, and won’t be for sometime. They did one for Easter online, and that was the last time I did.

4. Do you listen to sermons during the week?
Absolutely! As much as God will allow! I would rather listen to sermons than watch TV or movies.

5. If Jesus asked you to have your own small group of 4, which 3 disciples or Bible Characters would you choose to be in your weekly prayer group?
John the Baptist, Samuel, amd Enoch

6. Why did you choose those 3?
They were all three devoted and obedient from the beginning to the end. I want to be with people who love Jesus and His Father no matter the cost, and whose every thought is dying to self. Enoch was even spared of dying. One minute he was here, and then “he was not.” 😉

“and Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.”
– Genesis 5:23 KJV

7. What Bible characters do you relate to or understand the most?
I don’t know that I would claim to fully understand any of the Bible characters, but I relate to characters like Hannah, Hagar, Tamar (both David’s daughter and Judah’s daughter-in-law), Leah, and Mary. Hannah and Mary are the two I relate to most often.
I, too, prayed for a child to give back to the Lord, like Hannah did for so long. I didn’t know my Bible yet then or my son Anthoni would have been named Samuel. When I did have him, I was a single mom like Mary (yes I know their engagement was the same as being married, but technically she was on her own until the angel told Joseph to marry her).

“Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost… the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.”

When I think of the responsibility I felt from the beginning to raise a child given from God, especially when Anthoni began to be a little preacher, it was a very important concern for me every day…. and still is with him grown. How much heavier must that concern have been to be raising the Son of the Living God! ❤

8. Which disciple would you argue with the most?
Judas or Peter for always wanting to argue with Jesus! 

9. Which disciple would you get along with the best?
I would love to hang with John or Nathanael. John loved Jesus so, and Nathanael believed Jesus was the Son of God and the King of Israel from the beginning just because Jesus knew who he was. Jesus said there was no guile in him.

10. If you were in the painting of the Last Supper, where would you be sitting?
Definitely John because he was leaning on Jesus! He loved Jesus! ❤

11. Peter carried a sword and cut off a soldier’s ear in an attempt to protect Jesus. If you were there that night, what would your reaction have been to the soldiers coming to arrest Jesus?
When I first read the Bible for myself, I was so angry and ready to fight before I came upon it. I remember being so glad when Peter used his sword. So yes I probably would have, but I would have had the same astonishing rebuke that Peter got. 

12. We all need a Simon Peter in our life, someone who carries a “sword” and will fight for you. Who is/was your Simon Peter?
My son Anthoni has been a Simon Peter sent from God Himself to rescue me from my world, and keep my focus on God not only in my own relationship, but also in the determination to teach Him about God’s love and teachings. God has taught me so much about His love for me through my love for my son, and in allowing me to have in common with Him being a single parent of an only Son.

13. Similar to Jesus, we all have a Judas in our lives who helps us fulfill our destiny or find our purpose. Can you look back and appreciate their role in your life despite the harm they did or the hurt they caused?
Whatever God has given me, He has given. Regardless of who, what, where, when, why, and how… it is done. He has forgiven me, so I am to forgive. I pray the Holy Spirit helps me to appreciate all things that God has allowed or designed. I thank God for seeing me through all He has walked me through.

Nominees:
(In honor of Jesus and the 12 disciples making 13, I will tag 13 nominees. 🙂

  1. Holly of Wholeness Haven
  2. Alicia of For His Purpose
  3. Margaret of The Word
  4. Mercy of Herry Chic Counsels
  5. Hephzibah of Being Found in the Vine
  6. Doreen of Becoming the Oil and the Wine
  7. Matt of Jesus Luvs All
  8. Regina of Help From heaven
  9. Tish of Ritisha’s Blog
  10. Shae of Shae’s Days
  11. Dawn of Drawing Close to Christ
  12. Siphe of God’s Anointed Princesses
  13. Gary of A Sagittarian Seeker

Hope the nominees have as much as I did!
What a joy to think of being Jesus!
We will very soon! 🙂 ❤

 

Crying for the Broken Child


Good morning, my Beautiful Lord! My Loving and Personal Father! ❤
You and I began this day with crying unto You with things laying heavy on my heart, so heavy I did not even recognize them there. And while they could have been offensive and insulting, You were so tender to send me strong and clear messages of Love, Presence, Prayer, and You!

As I was praying to You about some honest emotions I had going on… anger towards those who are hurting other human beings in Human Trafficking, Domestic Violence, Sexual Assaults, and just pure evil… especially on children… I was broken. I was honest with You about the anger that I felt. Anger that brought me to tears. Anger and a broken heart that burdened me so heavily. Feeling so hopeless in not being able to stop it. Knowing it was only in Your power to do so. Yet remembering the free will You give us each.

In those moments, Satan was trying to fill me with unjust accusations toward You, and how little You seemed to care… about what is happening to the children, and the little girl I was at 3 years old. I knew He was wrong. I even told You so. But the words I have heard the world say so often kept trying to accuse You too. While I could not answer those questions of why, nor pretend to have the answers for something ONLY You will ever know, the anger and the pain that kept going back and forth eventually revealed to me that some of that pain was my own brokenness that seemed so long ago.

Feeling that pain kept Satan trying to accuse You, and caused that little girl’s memory of the pain and confusion to feel like we were still in the middle of it all. Sometimes that question the world throws at us about You caring, and where were You when we needed You can be pretty persuasive when that father of lies (Satan) causes such a heaviness from the cloudy visions of long ago. The distance of those years can make them feel like centuries ago, but the pain too easily brings shame, confusion, and sense of not mattering enough to allow any emotion. Emotion just annoys me. What good would it do? Nobody can do anything about it. And before I can get those next words out of my mind (Who cares?), Satan chimes in again with, “Yeah, who cares? We know He doesn’t.”

But I state to Him and You both that I know You do. I can’t explain why things are allowed to happen, but I know You are good, and You care! I even hear You say to me, “I care.” I know You do. But as soon as I even start to think of feeling any peace, my heart is broken for those who are not old enough to look back… with the freedom to be out of their situations… who will die in their environment, thrown away like trash, no one ever knowing, or caring. I cry so hard.

“Lord, I hurt so much for them! I can’t help them. No one has the power to do anything to put a stop to all of it but You. No one cares about them. Some of them have been snatched so young that no one knows who they are and what happened to them. No one ever will! It’s so horrible! So sad! No one cares! I know You do, but why does another human being ever want to do such things! I know the psychological answers the world gives, but it’s not enough! People shouldn’t be able to find sexual pleasure from doing horrible things to another human being… especially children!! It breaks my heart!”

I keep crying… hard. When I cry that hard I can feel it… that emotion from that little girl inside of me that I deprive of that emotion because it feels so pointless, and I don’t recall feeling it then. I was too numb to feel anything in life. But I hear You telling me… “It’s not pointless. Be honest… with Me… and with Yourself. Your pain matters to Me too! Even when You convince yourself it doesn’t matter to You. It does to me.”

You bring my attention to the time. It’s after midnight. The devotional for the new day is ready on YouVersion. I take the time to go and prepare to sit with You, still finding it hard not to cry sometimes. But I am determined to show You I trust You… and believe You care!

What is the first thing I read?

WELCOME
Where are you hurting? Today, we’re going to learn that God brings healing and comfort. As we begin, enter into a time of silence before God.

Keep silent. That’s absolutely what I choose to do because I am also afraid to offend You, to anger You. Yes I am to be honest with You, but I am also to reverent with You, remembering that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge. I keep reading. You keep pouring out Your love!

SCRIPTURE
He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
– Psalm 147:3 KJV

I know You are in this message. I know You are wanting to focus on continuing to be honest. Trusting YOU, not the voices in my head.

REFLECT
In what area of your life do you need to experience God’s healing?
a) I need healing from emotional trauma.
b) I need physical healing.
c) I need spiritual renewal.

While the answer is really all 3, You I both know I ALWAYS make sure to pray for the spiritual renewal. In the last several years, I can’t get away from the need for physical healing. But You have made this clear…. it’s the trauma… and not just the physical trauma… but the emotional trauma that I can not even find value in. I need healing from emotional trauma.

DEVOTIONAL
Day 3: You are wanted.
(Taken from the Haven’t Seen It Yet 5 Day Devotional Series By Danny Gokey)

Wanted?? Do I feel unwanted, Lord?? I know this is You, and You are being very direct, very personal, and very detailed. Wanted?? You tell me to be patient and keep reading.

When I was writing the song “Wanted,” my co-writer was going through a difficult time. He had been praying about a specific situation that happened when he was younger. No matter how hard he prayed, he couldn’t seem to get past this incident from his childhood. He even had a bunch of friends praying for him, but he still felt the impact of the event on his life. He was praying for freedom from the past because it was holding him back from all the good things God had planned for him in the present.

Finally, one day while he was praying, God gave him a powerful picture. God took him back to the place of this traumatic event; but this time, my friend saw Jesus standing on the side of the room. Then He walked over and told my friend, “I was there the day you lost your heart, and now I’m giving it back to you.” Then Jesus handed him his heart, but it wasn’t broken, it was healed and whole.

We wrote the song “Wanted” for anyone, like my friend, who’s been wounded by circumstances beyond their control. You can be assured that the God who holds the universe in His hands is holding your heart He takes great care with it, because He wants you more than you could ever know.

The first verse of “Wanted” says, “I was there the moment it happened, but you couldn’t see Me through the pain. I caught every tear as they were falling, when you lost your heart that day.” The chorus goes on to say, “If you could see it through My eyes, you’d know that you are wanted.”

Friend, you have value in the eyes of God. No matter what you’ve been through; no matter what you’ve been told; you matter. Many times, we don’t understand His love for us because we compare the way others have loved us, and there is no comparison.

Humans are capable of wounding one another greatly. God is incapable of wounding us. He offers us a safe place to rest from the wounds of the world. Psalm 147:3 (KJV) says, “He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds.”

We have to allow God to heal our hurt in order for us to fully embrace the good and perfect plan He has for our lives.

Maybe you haven’t experienced a traumatic event in your life. Maybe, instead, you simply feel incredibly lonely today. Just know, you are not alone, you are enough, you are worthy, you are accepted, and you are wanted more than you can ever comprehend by a heavenly Father that loves you more than any human ever could.

Confession/Prayer:
Father, I accept Your love for me. I accept Your healing for the wounds I have carried. I release my need to understand all of the hurt, and I receive the strength that You are bringing into my life through these events. Thank You for wanting me and giving me a place to belong.

PRAYER
God, please come to my aid when I am hurting. Heal my wounds and restore my heart. Please come close to me and let me feel Your amazing love – today and every day. Amen.

A PRAYER OF THANKSGIVING
God, thank You for being with me even when I struggle to talk with You. When I don’t know how to put my concerns into words, thank You that the Holy Spirit is praying on my behalf. Amen.

A PRAYER FOR FACING TRIALS
God, when I face trials of any sort, help me to run to You, not away from You. Help me to see hard seasons as opportunities to grow in my faith. Give me the strength (Your strength) to persevere and the courage to always trust You. Amen.

TRUSTING GOD’S FAITHFULNESS
God, I come to You trusting that You are faithful and good. No matter what I go through, please let me never forget that You are with me. Help me hold tightly to Your unfailing love and sure promises. Amen.

DEALING WITH ANGER
God, please teach me to deal with my anger immediately, and help me not to be controlled by my anger. Please help me to release what is angering me completely to You. Amen.

LIVING A DISCIPLINED LIFE
God, help me to live a disciplined life. I want to live full of faithful and obedience. Please show me the areas I need to be even more disciplined. Amen.

Wanted! That feels like a whiny word for me. It breaks my heart to think of all those children who are unwanted by their traffickers, by their rapists, some even by their parents. But unwanted feels whiny for me because that is what I felt when my brothers and I were tricked into visiting the foster care home, only to be abandoned by our parents. Unwanted is what I felt for the 10 months we were constantly promised to be taken home only to be dropped off again at the end of each visitation. Unwanted is what I felt the day I finally had enough of broken promises, lost it in front of everyone after fighting not to be taken out of the car, cried myself to sleep, and gave up on ever believing in hope again. All hope was false hope to me.

Somehow I do feel that pain when I think of 3 years old… and all those years of violence, filth, and death. I feel it all every time I think of these children. All I can think is that no one cares. No one can do anything about it. NO ONE wants or cares about Your children outside of their own evil gain. And they just keep doing it.

You want to make it clear to me that You care… for me… for them. You want me… You want them. I belong to You! Each child belongs to You! You care about every hurt… every tear… every act that You warn the world of committing against Your children.

“Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.”
– Matthew 18:10 KJV

“Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.”
– Matthew 18:14 KJV

“And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.”
– Mark 9:42 KJV

You want me to know that You know exactly where I am, and what is going on inside. You aren’t angry with me for being honest. You aren’t disappointed with me for having emotions. And You certainly are not offended for having a broken heart for Your children. You have placed that burden on my heart. Just as I cry to think no one cares, so no one cries… You tender my heart to cry with You for Your children. And as You have me start to think on that very thought about where You have me in my journey with You, tears and all for Your little children, including the little girl who had no one crying for her, not even herself, You bring this Facebook meme to my attention while sharing the verse of the day.

FB Meme for Remembering 9/11
(That was the day planes were driven into The Twin Towers in New York, The Pentagon in Washington DC, and into the ground in Philadelphia. Thousands of people lost their lives. This meme was pointing out the many lives who were saved by the little things reported on the news that made them either run late, or not be there that particular day.

The head of a company survived 9/11 because his son started Kindergarten. Another man was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts. One woman was late because her alarm clock didn’t go off on time. Another was late, stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an accident and his life was spared. One missed his bus. One spilled food on her clothes and had to take the time to change. One’s car wouldn’t start. One couldn’t get a taxi. One went back to answer the house phone. A man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning developed a blister before he got to the Towers, so he stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
When you’re stuck in traffic, oversleep, miss your ride…all the little things that annoy youmaybe you’re exactly where you’re meant to be at that very moment. May all who perished on 9.11.01 Rest in Eternal Peace & may the loved ones still grieving find strength.

You want me to trust where You have me, exactly as I am. How can I trust emotions that I won’t even acknowledge? You want me to trust YOU with them. You want me to trust that You are healing me. You want me to trust that You are using me to help someone else… even if it’s just through sharing this post, or sharing a missing child alert, or sharing trafficking information with others, or counseling someone who has been hurt by letting them know You do care… You DO love them!

I then go to look up the song You have given me in the devotional…

Wanted by Danny Gokey.
I was there the moment that it happened
But you couldn’t see me through the pain
I caught every tear as they were falling
When you lost your heart that day
Yeah, you lost your heart that day
And now you only see through broken lenses
Trying to keep your head above the shame
You believe the lie that I am distant
But I hold you every day
Yeah, I hold you every day
If you could see it through my eyes
You’d know that you are wanted
You’d know that you are wanted
And if you’d let my love inside
I’ll show you that you’re wanted
I’ll show you that you’re wanted
You’re more than all your darkest moments
You are defined by what I see
You’re my reflection, you’re my treasure, you’re my heartbeat
Oh, child, you belong to me, ohh
‘Cause if you would see it through my eyes

How incredibly personal You continue to be. I feel as though I have been leaning on the shoulder of my loving Father who cares about every tear…. more than I do.

And then You add another song right behind it that is so fitting. Even the video itself feels like it represents that LOOONG road You and I have been on. I listen to You minister to me with…

Haven’t Seen It Yet, also by Danny Gokey.
Have you been praying and you still have no answers?
Have you been pouring out your heart for so many years?
Have you been hoping that things would have changed by now?
Have you cried all the faith you have through so many tears?
Don’t forget the things that He has done before
And remember He can do it all once more

And then You finish this time of loving on me with a song singing the very declaration I was determined to trust You with… I know You are Good!!
Nothing is more important to me than to keep it all about Christ! If there is anyone who understands pain… it is Your precious Son! My Jesus! ❤

I Know by Big Daddy Weave!
I know that You are good
I know that You are kind
I know that You are so much more
Than what I leave behind
I know that I am loved
I know that I am safe
‘Cause even in the fire, to live is Christ, to die is gain
I know that You are good

Thank You for spending so much time with me! Thank You for reminding me I am wanted, that my emotions matter, that my pain matters, and that my tears matter.. to You… and to me! Thank You for crying for Your children. When innocent children lost their loves, it’s horrible enough. But when no one cares, or knows about what has happened to be able to cry, it’s so much sadder… heart breaking. Thank You for crying!! Thank You for caring. Thank for the promise… the assurance that THERE WILL BE AN END TO ANY CHILD EVER BEING HURT AGAIN! And EVIL WILL PAY FOR EVERYTHING THEY HAVE EVER DONE!

Thank You for making us Yours. Thank You for giving us a place to belong. Thank You for creating LOVE to be a beautiful thing with You! Thank You that there is NO PERVERSION with You! Thank You for being You! And thank You for thinking I am worth spending the time with!

❤ I love You, Abba Father!

❤ I love You, Sweet Jesus!

❤ I love You, Holy Spirit!

Made to Love My Church Family

Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”
– Ephesians 5:19-21

Lord, how grateful I am to You for creating a church family! And for allowing me to be a part of one! And a part of the church family worldwide… also known as the family of God! Family in Christ! A part of YOUR family! ❤ I am so grateful to call You, Father! I am so humbled for Jesus to be my Brother! ❤

I am just as grateful that You allowed my son to grow up always knowing church family! To allow Him to grow up knowing hymns instead of rock music. Even though He heard it at home, He grew to love God’s music. Thank You for allowing Him to learn You, Your Word, and allowing me to glean from His learning. Thank You for His heart to teach His mom.

Thank You for allowing all of the fellowship, the unconditional love and support, the unexpected relationships, and a world of people who are also so in love with You too! Who never grow tired of loving You! Who delight just to think on You, Your Word, Your People, and Your hymns. Souls who do not waver from Your word because they know the value of discipline… an honest and tough love! For our good!

Thank You for all of the Vacation Bible Schools, the many memories, the children’s plays, the children I have been blessed to fellowship with in the nursery, to teach in school and the many forms of church classes, the bus rides, and the abundance of memories with children singing Your songs with such sweet sound and sweet smiles!

Thank You for the many times You have sent someone to minister to me and Anthoni, and the rest of my family. Thank You for those who have been there during loss, births, marriages, divorces, moves, tragedies, celebrations, showers, storms, and so much of life. Thank You for those You have allowed to think of me when I have had health issues. Thank You for the church body!

Thank You for the ladies bible studies, the ladies Sunday School, ladies events, ladies banquets, ladies retreats, and the countless ladies outings and friendships… sisters for life!

Thank You for men of God! Godly men! Men who genuinely love You, serve, You, Worship You, OBEY YOU, testify of You, sing of You, preach of You, and that have shared the wisdom, knowledge, and teaching with my son! Living out being a man of God for my son to learn by example.

Thank You for the missionaries and evangelists! Serving You wherever You send them. Trusting in You to provide! Thank You for the years You gave me to send cards, notes and encouragement to hundreds! I WAS THE ONE BEING BLESSED! Thank You for what they taught me about depression… the biblical truth! Thank You for their preparing me in knowing what my son would suffer and go through. Thank You for what that teaching did for ME in my own struggle with clinical depression… as a child of God.

There are not enough thank Yous when in comes to being a part of church family! But I give You the ones You have allowed to come to mind! I love You, Father God! I love Your church! And I absolutely pray church family!

I look forward to being a part of the biggest church family ever when I get to heaven! What a day that will be! ❤

Inspiration: WGWM Study Notes, Week 2 Day 5