Your Love Is My Hedge

Lord, I miss so much… so many things I use to physically be able to do. Yet I am reminded I am who You have made me. You know better than me what one thing is connected to another. The world can mean well, especially about things that seem normal or even seem necessary, but for reasons You alone know (but sometimes graciously share) You have removed me from some things or removed some things from me that You deem crucial for my way of thinking. My world has been critical to my way of thinking for years, and at times as if all rolled into one. Just as You drew me out and set me apart to have relationship with me played the most valuable role in helping me to sort out the junk in my head (to even see it was there) from all different sources and voices, and my own flawed thinking… even now to crave or to miss anything allows You to draw me out and set my spirit aside for You and You alone.

If I missed out on something that means so much to me, especially because I believed You were in it, I know You have Your reasons and I am to trust You. My depression may linger heavy, but Your love lingers much heavier. Saturate me in everything about You. Your love is my hedgeI don’t know what You have planned for me to suffer or to celebrate, but as long as I am with You that is ALL that matters. Not all the battles I lose are losses in Your eyes. Sometimes I just need to see it through the way You view it.

Yours, No Matter What!

Father God, Let me make it a point to first say, “Good early morning.” I love You and hope You’re blessed. Thank You for loving me. I’m sorry I have not been the testimony for you that I should.  I’ve been reading back over some former notes and journals…. my undying, unwavering love for You is not being expressed as it should lately. Instead a cloud with a never ending darkness hovering over my pen, my head, and even my totally devoted heart.

I was also taken back in thought today by remembering when I thought I didn’t deserve You and thought I was too tainted  for heaven, but I still cried out to You in love every day. Not because of me, but because of You. I told You time and time again that I was Yours even if You didn’t want me. That I understood if You didn’t, but that I still considered it Yours.

Many times when I thought today was surely the day when I would literally go insane, that this would be my breaking point, or would surely die, I would tell You to know that my heart, mind, body and soul was Yours, and always would be. Even if I went insane, to please see and hear my heart crying out to You, “I’m Yours!” I always will be. Even if You don’t want me, I love You! Please always hear that.

I pray that again now, Father. I have no idea what is going to happen from day to day. Will I lose my mind? My life? My health altogether? More than ever, I don’t know. And more than ever, I’m scared You’ll forget, or that I’ll say or do something I could never in my right mind do. But I know better than that.

I believe the majority of my problem are the medicines. No, I don’t care for the pain, the misery, and I do want to be mobile, functional, aware of my surroundings and behavior, so the side effects are the consequences. Seems there’s no simple or private solution. No peace.

Yet all I want my mind to focus on is You and the love of Your Son, my Savior Jesus Christ. What pain He suffered for me. He and the Holy Spirit both look out for me all day long, praying, guiding, whispering in my ear, and sending such comforting love like I’ve never known. May I ever endeavor to speak such words to You as You give to me. And no matter what happens, I love You! No matter what, I am Yours! I long to be home with You so much! Until Then! ❤

Until Then
-hymn lyrics by Stuart Hamblen

My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a trail that’s winding always upward,
This troubled world is not my final home.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I’ll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

The things of earth will dim and lose their value
If we recall they’re borrowed for awhile;
And things of earth that cause the heart to tremble,
Remembered there will only bring a smile.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I’ll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

This weary world with all its toil and struggle
May take its toll of misery and strife;
The soul of man is like a waiting falcon;
When it’s released, it’s destined for the skies.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I’ll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

Popsicle Humor part 3

Why did Janeen go into the forest to find her parent?
– She wanted to find her family tree.

What would you eat while watching a scary movie?
– I scream

What kind of flower buys a Father’s Day card?
– A sunflower

Why did Sheila put her pennies in a circle?
– To make ends meet

Where did Sally take her pet bees for fun?
– The wax museum

What can you steal and not get in trouble?
– 2nd Base

Why did Janeen eat her test?
– Her teacher said it was a piece of cake

How does the moon clean the ice off its windshield?
– It uses a skyscraper

How did Julia stay cool during her baseball game?
– She stood with the fans

How did Janeen mend the farmer’s pants?
– With cabbage patches

Why didn’t the cashier laugh at Emily’s joke?
– It didn’t make any cents

A Refuge At All Times

“Trust in Him at all times; ye people,
pour out your heart before Him:

God is a refuge for us. Selah.”
– Psalm 62:8 KJV

How many times have I asked You, What shall I blog? Is there anything You want me to write? Anything that wouldn’t insult You, disgrace You, shame You? All the while something was choking the life right out of my chest? Too easily I dismissed it as “Well that’s between You and me… and doesn’t need to be broadcast to the world… only to bring them down… to depress them… or bring negativity… because it wasn’t something positive… it was honest… but it seemed so dishonoring to You.” And then You so loving remind me with Psalm 62:8 that is exactly how this blog began!

You designed a place for me to go and pour my heart out before You on this private blog called gaillovesgod because I was suffocating not being able to write to You. I couldn’t do this at home because of eyes that kept looking for my privately written thoughts to use them against me…. to intentionally come between You and me. A year later, You led me to encourage a friend who was doing a challenge by taking part in that challenge. In doing so, You led me to trust You in opening my site to be Public while doing that challenge. This challenge was to post 30 Truth Aspects about myself that others rarely knew. In obeying, You completely took me by surprise.

Others would comment on how encouraged they were, how they saw my love for You, saw Your love in my life, and either had or were going through the same things. I met so many friends all over the world… some just as in love with You… some with good reasons not to care for love at all… giving or receiving. Many are just consumed with the things we cannot avoid in human life, as Your Son very well knows.

Anxiety, depression, mental illness,
chronic illness, violence, death, filth.

Just because we are Christian does not mean we are immune from these realities of life. And just because some does not know or care that God loves them does not mean we are not to love one another and bear one another’s burdens. No one enjoys pain and suffering. You love ALL Your children.

For so many months I have avoided sharing the pain, the doctor visits, the many things that have added to my depression being so much worse lately. I read so many friends pouring their heart out to You, saying they feel alone, and suddenly I am convicted of neglecting You. Before I can get a chance to at least respond to them, life interferes and my depression persuades me I am my own evidence for why I don’t matter.

Many days I cannot write because of my health. Many days I cannot write because of circumstances. Some days the conversations of debating what to write and what does it matter goes on for so long that time and energy win out. But there are days it’s sheer neglect. If it weren’t for Facebook memories of verses and hymns, I would have been absent for several months. Please forgive me, Lord.

Sometimes You do call me away from the computer for time with You. Sometimes I am simply hiding under a sheltered wing that is allowing the rays to shine in, patiently waiting for me to notice the warmth of the sun, raise my weary head, and trust His loving nudge to be a part of living creation.

Thank You for reminding me of 5 good reasons to write what’s on my heart:

  1. For my testimony to show I TRUST You at ALL times!
  2. You WANT me to pour out my heart to You… everything!
  3. You are a refuge for everything that lays on my heart!
  4. You are a refuge for US… we need to know someone else has been there or currently is… right when we need it most.
  5. Everyone needs to hear God loves you!

And never let me forget SELAH! (THINK ON THIS). How much richer our lives would be if we would take time to remember Selah is not just a word. It is an invaluable moment of reflection on what You have given us to read, to act on, to sometimes avoid, to live. Thank You for giving me a moment of Selah now.

Thank You, God, for Your Word, Your mercy, Your grace, Your salvation, Your heart, Your love, Your patience, Your all! I love You! May gaillovesgod and gaillovesgodspoetry always honor You and do YOUR will, not mine!

How Deep the Father’s Love For Us

How deep the Father’s love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

How Deep the Father’s Love For Us
sung by Selah, lyrics written by Stuart Townend

Father. How deep Your love is for me. The words are so hard to find. I am so unworthy of You. I am blessed to be Your daughter. I am doubly blessed to call You Abba Father. Thank You for who You are, and for what You did through Your Son for me. Because You gave, I have received! I know what it’s like to long to have Your child home. I am so glad that Jesus is at Home with You now! And that I will be too! Soon and very soon! ❤

This Is My Good Good Father’s World

Happy Father’s Day

to the Father who made

ALL fathers and ALL days possible!

I love You, Heavenly Father! ❤

This is my Father’s world,
And to my list’ning ears
All nature sings, and round me rings
The music of the spheres.
This is my Father’s world:
I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas—
His hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father’s world:
The birds their carols raise,
The morning light, the lily white,
Declare their Maker’s praise.
This is my Father’s world:
He shines in all that’s fair;
In the rustling grass I hear Him pass,
He speaks to me everywhere.

This is my Father’s world:
Oh, let me ne’er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world,
The battle is not done:
Jesus who died shall be satisfied,
And earth and Heav’n be one.

-This Is My Father’s World, hymn lyrics by Maltbie D. Babcock

 ❤ You are a good good Father! ❤

 

Good Good Father song sung by Chris Tomlin