Thank You All for Your Prayers and Patience!

Dear Lord, what a journey this has been lately…. this journey called life. Not just for me either. This one is affecting the world while at the same time affecting each individual life… in a very negative way. The only thing I can think of at the moment that has ever done that is… sin. Sin is ugly and sad. Covid-19 is ugly and sad. Death and illness is ugly and sad. There has been so much ugly and sad for so long now.

I want to take a moment to thank You for the prayer warriors! We need them! I want to take a moment to thank each one who has been praying with me and for me! And I want to thank You for answering prayer! Praise Your Holy Name, Father God! I love You, Jesus! Thank You, Holy Ghost!

Friends… Prayer Warriors! I want to thank you for praying so faithfully and fervently with me and for me, and for my family and friends. On September 8th I was finally able to have a much needed appointment with the specialist about this struggle I have had with choking, and constantly clearing and cleaning out my mouth all day long. This has been a 4 year battle, with some dysmotility that has happened along the way.

While I was terrified to go through with the procedures that I knew it would require and just knew I would have problems with, your prayers finally gave me a doctor who HEARD me, who LISTENED, who BELIEVED me, and made notes for possible problems and possible procedures. And though I wasn’t really keen on going near the hospitals because of Covid, I agreed to do them on October 12th. Within a couple of days the doctor’s office moved them to the 16th so that my doctor could do the procedures himself. (See how personal your prayers were!) It was a 4 year battle just trying to get my previous doctor to even believe me (and he never did)!

I am so grateful for those prayers and grateful for this doctor because I did end up having the very issues we had discussed. But the morning I arrived EVERY.SINGLE.PERSON. of that team listened to me, reassured me, and were very attentive. When I awoke coughing so hard, they knew it was from that choking issue but had such fear in their eyes. Yet they STILL took care of me!

When I had told my sister Sandra that I would need those procedures, she called her doctor to check on her situation, and came to let me know they went ahead and scheduled her for a needed surgery. She was extremely nervous, and so many things were uncertain. She had hers on September 30th. Thank you for praying for her!

Then I spent a week doing the things instructed to do for my procedures/surgery on the October 16th. It was a challenging and stressful week. After the procedure, I struggled with choking, swallowing, talking, even the challenge of getting my medicines down for a couple of days. Thank you for praying for me. There was a moment I thought for sure I would be on a liquid diet for the rest of my life. I see my doctor on Nov. 3rd to see if we have any answers, and what to do next.

The following Thursday (October 22nd) my brother Nathan had a surgery on his tongue that took them 3 hours. He struggled with the anesthesia so it took him hours to wake up. He also had a lot of pain from them having to put a tube through his nose and down his throat because he would stop breathing. Your prayers surely helped him get through a horrible time!
Thank you!

Now yesterday (October 28th) he had his other surgery that the doctor told him would be worse. We were all concerned, especially with the anesthesia and breathing. So many of you prayed with me for my brother. God blessed him and his day so mightily! I thought of you and your praying for him each time God moved!. The surgery went well and timely! He did NOT struggle with the anesthesia! He did not stop breathing (so no tube down the throat either). They even took his stitches out of his tongue. He awoke and was alert much quicker and stronger this time! And the concern the doctor most had… was ruled out! Which also meant the biggest concern my brother had in losing function to his body… was no longer a scare!

I cannot begin to thank you enough, but I absolutely want to try a little. SO many of you have been so incredibly merciful and patient with me for quite awhile now with delayed messages, inactivity, falling asleep while talking to you, missing calls altogether (many while holding my phone… I’m still trying to get used to my first smartphone since February), and so many more things that sadly I cannot even remember. I have hated finding later I left someone waiting for a reply for a week or more! (Sorry, Tosin, Caz, Holly, Randee, Margaret, Maxine, Nitin, Doreen, Stu and so many more!) 😦 Or that I have lost awards and tags that someone nominated me for! I didn’t even get to thank them, and have forgot who and the award!

You guys are so faithful and loving, merciful and full of grace. You have your own health issues, family scares, and just as much loss, uncertainty, and unending numbers of family and friends contracting and dying from Covid too. Yet you are so loving to still pray, to still call me friend, to encourage me in the faith with your own, and to speak prayers over me right in the comments and messages in my inbox… some even sending me cards and notes to my mailbox! (I am still so touched by that one who sent the $200 in a birthday card for my birthday fundraiser! And each one who contributed to make the other $200. I can’t tell you just how much you let God work in me!)

Christ… and His wonderful, undying, unconditional, never ending love… this is what you have constantly blessed me with. You have shown me His mercy, extended His grace, accentuated His kindness, and bore burdens with me. Thank you especially to each one who has been praying for my friend Nitin and all of his colleagues as they fight on the front lines treating Covid patients. Many of my doctor friends read your comments and tell of their own gratitude and journeys which include losses.

Lastly, that is certainly the thing you have been most faithful to pray with me on. So much loss in this Covid war,the senseless and petty bickering over rights being more important than our concern for one another’s health, calling millions of deaths around the world a hoax, and so many people who live with asthma, COPD, and many other compromised bodies terrified to come out of their homes not just because of the virus that can take their life, but many fear more the careless friend, or that enraged stranger that may attack them for wearing a mask as they have seen on the news. So many loved ones dying alone, or having no funeral because of the danger taken serious a little too late.

I have not kept updates on the prayer requests I have had along the way because they are so lengthy it would depress you. It depresses me! And angers me for those whose loss was due to carelessness… some their own, some the carelessness of others. In just the last few weeks, 2 ladies from my lifegroup lost a father who began his horrible battle on the daughter’s birthday and lost it, and another who lost her husband, 2 local facilities warned of large numbers among their patients and staff (which house several family and friends of the ladies in the lifegroup, and a few were the staff members), another has a brother who survived Covid but now battles with Afib, and that same lady has another brother in hospice dying from cancer, a family friend who is 29 was on a ventilator for a week without anyone knowing until he came out of it, a 27 yr old girl with little children is fighting Covid so hard the doctors had to put her into a medically induced coma to stop her from having seizures, and another family friend in his 60s sounded pretty bad on the phone when letting us know he was headed to the doctor and we still haven’t heard back if he has Covid or not.

And I could not begin to count the constant postings of friends on their blogs, Facebook, and emails of surviving Covid. No one would have known if they had not survived to post! 😦 Many are now living with permanent health problems gained from Covid. And I mean of all ages.

On top of all of this loss, are the losses of many who are dying from the things that were already killing us…. cancer, suicide, failing organs, car accidents, heart attacks, strokes, murder… and the pneumonia and flu that get dismissed so easily to make Covid look so harmless. So many have lost husbands, wives, parents, children, sisters, brothers, friends, and many have lost more than one. And sadly so many pastors and others in ministry are among the suicide numbers.

And there are so many working in the medical community. The team that took care of me on October 16th knew my situation, knew to expect how I would wake up, knew I had been tested for Covid as all patients entering the hospital are required to do and cleared (Praise God!). Yet my heart sank to hear them before I could open my eyes, and then see the terror in their eyes when I could open mine. Some got away from me as quickly as possible. I wasn’t the least bit offended. I felt so bad for them. They’re living and working with this all day long! 😦

The Lord has made that burden to pray for them even heavier, as well as to thank you for praying! With me! For me! Thank you. And if you read this all the way through, I pray the Lord blessed you in a way that you know it is absolutely Him reminding you that Jesus is an intercessor for you when He prays to the Father on your behalf, and the Holy Spirit is praying for you with groanings that cannot be uttered.
God loves you! And He prays for you! And everyone you pray for!

A special thank you to my Lifegroup… Blooming Zooming!
Thank you for praying with me, and letting me pray with you! God knew exactly who to put me into a sisterhood with! I praise God for each of you being Covid sensitive! For being so burdened already on your own to pray for the Medical Community, and emphasizing to pray specifically for as many as possible by name, as often as possible! Thank you for having such a love for God, and a heart for pursuing obedience even now. Thank you for being wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. Thank you for making room for me, and for being so welcoming.
Me and God love you each one! ❤

Thank You, Jesus, for encouraging me to get a thank you written down, and for helping me to stay awake and get it written and posted!!
Praise Your Mighty and Majestic name!
I love you… forever… no matter what!!

“Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms. Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
Elias was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of three years and six months. And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth brought forth her fruit.
Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him; Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.”
– James 5:13-20 KJV

My New Journal With You, Note 6

**Verses are inserted exactly where God had them placed in my new journal at the bottom of each page. I love how personal He is! **

Dear Lord, How are You? I pray Your day is blessed, and that many souls have given their lives to You today. I pray You have won many souls. I know You love them. I know it breaks Your heart to see them in pain. You are a good God, and a good Father. I know You and Jesus both long to have them home with You.

I know You also long to see us love one another, and I’m so sad to say we are NOT doing a good job of that. We are being so ugly and judgmental to one another. The violence and anger are so rampant. People calling for justice while justifying their own criminal  behavior. I know You’re not surprised by this. This is what sin does… deceives us, and leads us astray, making us defiant to You in our behavior. I pray for us, Lord. We need You so desperately. There is absolutely no hope without You.

Only You can bring about peace, true justice, brotherly kindness, selflessness,

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”
– Proverbs 3:5 KJV

thoughtfulness, and any Christ like love. Only You know what is best in a time when everything is so uncertain, and our world seems to be falling apart. We are at a loss for understanding anything right now, but You are always the omniscient, omnipotent, and very omnipresent God… wise in all Your ways. You are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. How blessed we are that You never change! Especially with Your love, mercy, grace, patience, long suffering, and all that makes You the good and loving God and Father that You are!

I love You, Father God! ❤

I pray all my fears, uncertainties, and all distractions that want to come between You and me into Your Holy and Sovereign hands. I know You love me, and only want Your best for me. I trust in Your perfect timing, and Your perfect will. Even in my unbelief, I still trust everything about You, because I know I truly believe. Thank You for believing in me. You make all things new and possible. I am Yours forever!  ❤ I love You!

“For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”
– Hebrews 4:12 KJV

PS… Lord, I LOVE how Your verses always address exactly what I am talking to You about, but from Your wisdom of what I need. You are so personal! ❤

The Thirteenth Disciple Tag 7.27.2020 and 8.16.2020

Dear Lord, how interesting and exciting. This tag (The Thirteenth Disciple Tag) that Charity (aka Purple Rose) of Confessions And Thoughts Of A Reluctant Preacher’s Daughter created and nominated me for The Thirteenth Disciple Tag on 7.27.2020, a tag that she created. Thank you for having my dear sister think of me. Please forgive me for taking so long to get this done, and please let Charity know how grateful and excited I really was regardless of what they dates say. When I first read Charity’s tag, it made me smile and think of my mom. Whenever people would try to say the number 13 was bad luck, taboo, or evil, my mom would remind them that the 12 disciples plus Jesus made 13. ❤

Then you had my dear brother Stu of Something to Stu Over also nominate me for The Thirteenth Disciple Tag on 8.15.2020. Again I have taken so long. Please let Stu know how grateful I am for him as well. Bless them both and encourage them, Lord. Normally I would do the tags separate, but because I have taken so long I will do them together.

Thank you, Charity, for thinking of me. You created such an awesome tag! I loved the idea of hanging with Jesus!

Here Are The Rules:

  1. Thank the person who tagged you and include a link to their post.
  2. Link the original post (The Thirteenth Disciple Tag) and give credit to the creator of this tag (Purple Rose) https://reluctantpreachersdaughter.wordpress.com
  3. Answer the 13 questions asked by Purple Rose
  4. Tag as many people as you like
  5. Use the original tag image as the FEATURED image on your post:

Purple Rose Thirteenth Disciple Quote

Here are the 13 questions:

1. Which disciple is your favorite?
John… the one who was noted for loving Jesus so, and who wrote the book of John that is absolutely Love, Love, Love. It even has the REAL Lord’s prayer where Jesus is praying to the Father on our behalf in chapter 17! ❤

2. How often do you pray The Lord’s Prayer?
Funny that this is the question just after I was thinking on it. 🙂 I pray as often as the Lord allows. There was a time I prayed it every day before I started my day, and every night before I went to bed as I felt the Lord asking me with compelling compassion, “Do you not think the words my Son gave you would be enough for everything?”
I had been praying for “the right” thing to pray. So I committed to using it to pray for ALL my needs in those only 2 prayers of the day, allowing anytime I felt I should be praying more to God’s trust. It is amazing how He opened my eyes and my mind to those words covering every single thing we need prayer for. And why wouldn’t they? Would Jesus leave us unprepared or ill equipped??
NO! OF COURSE NOT!

3. How often do you take communion?
It depends. If I attend my stepdad’s church, they do it every Sunday at the end of service. If I am at my church, I believe it’s quarterly (every 3 months). But since COVID arrived, I have not been back to church physically, and won’t be for sometime. They did one for Easter online, and that was the last time I did.

4. Do you listen to sermons during the week?
Absolutely! As much as God will allow! I would rather listen to sermons than watch TV or movies.

5. If Jesus asked you to have your own small group of 4, which 3 disciples or Bible Characters would you choose to be in your weekly prayer group?
John the Baptist, Samuel, amd Enoch

6. Why did you choose those 3?
They were all three devoted and obedient from the beginning to the end. I want to be with people who love Jesus and His Father no matter the cost, and whose every thought is dying to self. Enoch was even spared of dying. One minute he was here, and then “he was not.” 😉

“and Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.”
– Genesis 5:23 KJV

7. What Bible characters do you relate to or understand the most?
I don’t know that I would claim to fully understand any of the Bible characters, but I relate to characters like Hannah, Hagar, Tamar (both David’s daughter and Judah’s daughter-in-law), Leah, and Mary. Hannah and Mary are the two I relate to most often.
I, too, prayed for a child to give back to the Lord, like Hannah did for so long. I didn’t know my Bible yet then or my son Anthoni would have been named Samuel. When I did have him, I was a single mom like Mary (yes I know their engagement was the same as being married, but technically she was on her own until the angel told Joseph to marry her).

“Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost… the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.”

When I think of the responsibility I felt from the beginning to raise a child given from God, especially when Anthoni began to be a little preacher, it was a very important concern for me every day…. and still is with him grown. How much heavier must that concern have been to be raising the Son of the Living God! ❤

8. Which disciple would you argue with the most?
Judas or Peter for always wanting to argue with Jesus! 

9. Which disciple would you get along with the best?
I would love to hang with John or Nathanael. John loved Jesus so, and Nathanael believed Jesus was the Son of God and the King of Israel from the beginning just because Jesus knew who he was. Jesus said there was no guile in him.

10. If you were in the painting of the Last Supper, where would you be sitting?
Definitely John because he was leaning on Jesus! He loved Jesus! ❤

11. Peter carried a sword and cut off a soldier’s ear in an attempt to protect Jesus. If you were there that night, what would your reaction have been to the soldiers coming to arrest Jesus?
When I first read the Bible for myself, I was so angry and ready to fight before I came upon it. I remember being so glad when Peter used his sword. So yes I probably would have, but I would have had the same astonishing rebuke that Peter got. 

12. We all need a Simon Peter in our life, someone who carries a “sword” and will fight for you. Who is/was your Simon Peter?
My son Anthoni has been a Simon Peter sent from God Himself to rescue me from my world, and keep my focus on God not only in my own relationship, but also in the determination to teach Him about God’s love and teachings. God has taught me so much about His love for me through my love for my son, and in allowing me to have in common with Him being a single parent of an only Son.

13. Similar to Jesus, we all have a Judas in our lives who helps us fulfill our destiny or find our purpose. Can you look back and appreciate their role in your life despite the harm they did or the hurt they caused?
Whatever God has given me, He has given. Regardless of who, what, where, when, why, and how… it is done. He has forgiven me, so I am to forgive. I pray the Holy Spirit helps me to appreciate all things that God has allowed or designed. I thank God for seeing me through all He has walked me through.

Nominees:
(In honor of Jesus and the 12 disciples making 13, I will tag 13 nominees. 🙂

  1. Holly of Wholeness Haven
  2. Alicia of For His Purpose
  3. Margaret of The Word
  4. Mercy of Herry Chic Counsels
  5. Hephzibah of Being Found in the Vine
  6. Doreen of Becoming the Oil and the Wine
  7. Matt of Jesus Luvs All
  8. Regina of Help From heaven
  9. Tish of Ritisha’s Blog
  10. Shae of Shae’s Days
  11. Dawn of Drawing Close to Christ
  12. Siphe of God’s Anointed Princesses
  13. Gary of A Sagittarian Seeker

Hope the nominees have as much as I did!
What a joy to think of being Jesus!
We will very soon! 🙂 ❤

 

Crying for the Broken Child


Good morning, my Beautiful Lord! My Loving and Personal Father! ❤
You and I began this day with crying unto You with things laying heavy on my heart, so heavy I did not even recognize them there. And while they could have been offensive and insulting, You were so tender to send me strong and clear messages of Love, Presence, Prayer, and You!

As I was praying to You about some honest emotions I had going on… anger towards those who are hurting other human beings in Human Trafficking, Domestic Violence, Sexual Assaults, and just pure evil… especially on children… I was broken. I was honest with You about the anger that I felt. Anger that brought me to tears. Anger and a broken heart that burdened me so heavily. Feeling so hopeless in not being able to stop it. Knowing it was only in Your power to do so. Yet remembering the free will You give us each.

In those moments, Satan was trying to fill me with unjust accusations toward You, and how little You seemed to care… about what is happening to the children, and the little girl I was at 3 years old. I knew He was wrong. I even told You so. But the words I have heard the world say so often kept trying to accuse You too. While I could not answer those questions of why, nor pretend to have the answers for something ONLY You will ever know, the anger and the pain that kept going back and forth eventually revealed to me that some of that pain was my own brokenness that seemed so long ago.

Feeling that pain kept Satan trying to accuse You, and caused that little girl’s memory of the pain and confusion to feel like we were still in the middle of it all. Sometimes that question the world throws at us about You caring, and where were You when we needed You can be pretty persuasive when that father of lies (Satan) causes such a heaviness from the cloudy visions of long ago. The distance of those years can make them feel like centuries ago, but the pain too easily brings shame, confusion, and sense of not mattering enough to allow any emotion. Emotion just annoys me. What good would it do? Nobody can do anything about it. And before I can get those next words out of my mind (Who cares?), Satan chimes in again with, “Yeah, who cares? We know He doesn’t.”

But I state to Him and You both that I know You do. I can’t explain why things are allowed to happen, but I know You are good, and You care! I even hear You say to me, “I care.” I know You do. But as soon as I even start to think of feeling any peace, my heart is broken for those who are not old enough to look back… with the freedom to be out of their situations… who will die in their environment, thrown away like trash, no one ever knowing, or caring. I cry so hard.

“Lord, I hurt so much for them! I can’t help them. No one has the power to do anything to put a stop to all of it but You. No one cares about them. Some of them have been snatched so young that no one knows who they are and what happened to them. No one ever will! It’s so horrible! So sad! No one cares! I know You do, but why does another human being ever want to do such things! I know the psychological answers the world gives, but it’s not enough! People shouldn’t be able to find sexual pleasure from doing horrible things to another human being… especially children!! It breaks my heart!”

I keep crying… hard. When I cry that hard I can feel it… that emotion from that little girl inside of me that I deprive of that emotion because it feels so pointless, and I don’t recall feeling it then. I was too numb to feel anything in life. But I hear You telling me… “It’s not pointless. Be honest… with Me… and with Yourself. Your pain matters to Me too! Even when You convince yourself it doesn’t matter to You. It does to me.”

You bring my attention to the time. It’s after midnight. The devotional for the new day is ready on YouVersion. I take the time to go and prepare to sit with You, still finding it hard not to cry sometimes. But I am determined to show You I trust You… and believe You care!

What is the first thing I read?

WELCOME
Where are you hurting? Today, we’re going to learn that God brings healing and comfort. As we begin, enter into a time of silence before God.

Keep silent. That’s absolutely what I choose to do because I am also afraid to offend You, to anger You. Yes I am to be honest with You, but I am also to reverent with You, remembering that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge. I keep reading. You keep pouring out Your love!

SCRIPTURE
He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
– Psalm 147:3 KJV

I know You are in this message. I know You are wanting to focus on continuing to be honest. Trusting YOU, not the voices in my head.

REFLECT
In what area of your life do you need to experience God’s healing?
a) I need healing from emotional trauma.
b) I need physical healing.
c) I need spiritual renewal.

While the answer is really all 3, You I both know I ALWAYS make sure to pray for the spiritual renewal. In the last several years, I can’t get away from the need for physical healing. But You have made this clear…. it’s the trauma… and not just the physical trauma… but the emotional trauma that I can not even find value in. I need healing from emotional trauma.

DEVOTIONAL
Day 3: You are wanted.
(Taken from the Haven’t Seen It Yet 5 Day Devotional Series By Danny Gokey)

Wanted?? Do I feel unwanted, Lord?? I know this is You, and You are being very direct, very personal, and very detailed. Wanted?? You tell me to be patient and keep reading.

When I was writing the song “Wanted,” my co-writer was going through a difficult time. He had been praying about a specific situation that happened when he was younger. No matter how hard he prayed, he couldn’t seem to get past this incident from his childhood. He even had a bunch of friends praying for him, but he still felt the impact of the event on his life. He was praying for freedom from the past because it was holding him back from all the good things God had planned for him in the present.

Finally, one day while he was praying, God gave him a powerful picture. God took him back to the place of this traumatic event; but this time, my friend saw Jesus standing on the side of the room. Then He walked over and told my friend, “I was there the day you lost your heart, and now I’m giving it back to you.” Then Jesus handed him his heart, but it wasn’t broken, it was healed and whole.

We wrote the song “Wanted” for anyone, like my friend, who’s been wounded by circumstances beyond their control. You can be assured that the God who holds the universe in His hands is holding your heart He takes great care with it, because He wants you more than you could ever know.

The first verse of “Wanted” says, “I was there the moment it happened, but you couldn’t see Me through the pain. I caught every tear as they were falling, when you lost your heart that day.” The chorus goes on to say, “If you could see it through My eyes, you’d know that you are wanted.”

Friend, you have value in the eyes of God. No matter what you’ve been through; no matter what you’ve been told; you matter. Many times, we don’t understand His love for us because we compare the way others have loved us, and there is no comparison.

Humans are capable of wounding one another greatly. God is incapable of wounding us. He offers us a safe place to rest from the wounds of the world. Psalm 147:3 (KJV) says, “He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds.”

We have to allow God to heal our hurt in order for us to fully embrace the good and perfect plan He has for our lives.

Maybe you haven’t experienced a traumatic event in your life. Maybe, instead, you simply feel incredibly lonely today. Just know, you are not alone, you are enough, you are worthy, you are accepted, and you are wanted more than you can ever comprehend by a heavenly Father that loves you more than any human ever could.

Confession/Prayer:
Father, I accept Your love for me. I accept Your healing for the wounds I have carried. I release my need to understand all of the hurt, and I receive the strength that You are bringing into my life through these events. Thank You for wanting me and giving me a place to belong.

PRAYER
God, please come to my aid when I am hurting. Heal my wounds and restore my heart. Please come close to me and let me feel Your amazing love – today and every day. Amen.

A PRAYER OF THANKSGIVING
God, thank You for being with me even when I struggle to talk with You. When I don’t know how to put my concerns into words, thank You that the Holy Spirit is praying on my behalf. Amen.

A PRAYER FOR FACING TRIALS
God, when I face trials of any sort, help me to run to You, not away from You. Help me to see hard seasons as opportunities to grow in my faith. Give me the strength (Your strength) to persevere and the courage to always trust You. Amen.

TRUSTING GOD’S FAITHFULNESS
God, I come to You trusting that You are faithful and good. No matter what I go through, please let me never forget that You are with me. Help me hold tightly to Your unfailing love and sure promises. Amen.

DEALING WITH ANGER
God, please teach me to deal with my anger immediately, and help me not to be controlled by my anger. Please help me to release what is angering me completely to You. Amen.

LIVING A DISCIPLINED LIFE
God, help me to live a disciplined life. I want to live full of faithful and obedience. Please show me the areas I need to be even more disciplined. Amen.

Wanted! That feels like a whiny word for me. It breaks my heart to think of all those children who are unwanted by their traffickers, by their rapists, some even by their parents. But unwanted feels whiny for me because that is what I felt when my brothers and I were tricked into visiting the foster care home, only to be abandoned by our parents. Unwanted is what I felt for the 10 months we were constantly promised to be taken home only to be dropped off again at the end of each visitation. Unwanted is what I felt the day I finally had enough of broken promises, lost it in front of everyone after fighting not to be taken out of the car, cried myself to sleep, and gave up on ever believing in hope again. All hope was false hope to me.

Somehow I do feel that pain when I think of 3 years old… and all those years of violence, filth, and death. I feel it all every time I think of these children. All I can think is that no one cares. No one can do anything about it. NO ONE wants or cares about Your children outside of their own evil gain. And they just keep doing it.

You want to make it clear to me that You care… for me… for them. You want me… You want them. I belong to You! Each child belongs to You! You care about every hurt… every tear… every act that You warn the world of committing against Your children.

“Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.”
– Matthew 18:10 KJV

“Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.”
– Matthew 18:14 KJV

“And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.”
– Mark 9:42 KJV

You want me to know that You know exactly where I am, and what is going on inside. You aren’t angry with me for being honest. You aren’t disappointed with me for having emotions. And You certainly are not offended for having a broken heart for Your children. You have placed that burden on my heart. Just as I cry to think no one cares, so no one cries… You tender my heart to cry with You for Your children. And as You have me start to think on that very thought about where You have me in my journey with You, tears and all for Your little children, including the little girl who had no one crying for her, not even herself, You bring this Facebook meme to my attention while sharing the verse of the day.

FB Meme for Remembering 9/11
(That was the day planes were driven into The Twin Towers in New York, The Pentagon in Washington DC, and into the ground in Philadelphia. Thousands of people lost their lives. This meme was pointing out the many lives who were saved by the little things reported on the news that made them either run late, or not be there that particular day.

The head of a company survived 9/11 because his son started Kindergarten. Another man was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts. One woman was late because her alarm clock didn’t go off on time. Another was late, stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an accident and his life was spared. One missed his bus. One spilled food on her clothes and had to take the time to change. One’s car wouldn’t start. One couldn’t get a taxi. One went back to answer the house phone. A man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning developed a blister before he got to the Towers, so he stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
When you’re stuck in traffic, oversleep, miss your ride…all the little things that annoy youmaybe you’re exactly where you’re meant to be at that very moment. May all who perished on 9.11.01 Rest in Eternal Peace & may the loved ones still grieving find strength.

You want me to trust where You have me, exactly as I am. How can I trust emotions that I won’t even acknowledge? You want me to trust YOU with them. You want me to trust that You are healing me. You want me to trust that You are using me to help someone else… even if it’s just through sharing this post, or sharing a missing child alert, or sharing trafficking information with others, or counseling someone who has been hurt by letting them know You do care… You DO love them!

I then go to look up the song You have given me in the devotional…

Wanted by Danny Gokey.
I was there the moment that it happened
But you couldn’t see me through the pain
I caught every tear as they were falling
When you lost your heart that day
Yeah, you lost your heart that day
And now you only see through broken lenses
Trying to keep your head above the shame
You believe the lie that I am distant
But I hold you every day
Yeah, I hold you every day
If you could see it through my eyes
You’d know that you are wanted
You’d know that you are wanted
And if you’d let my love inside
I’ll show you that you’re wanted
I’ll show you that you’re wanted
You’re more than all your darkest moments
You are defined by what I see
You’re my reflection, you’re my treasure, you’re my heartbeat
Oh, child, you belong to me, ohh
‘Cause if you would see it through my eyes

How incredibly personal You continue to be. I feel as though I have been leaning on the shoulder of my loving Father who cares about every tear…. more than I do.

And then You add another song right behind it that is so fitting. Even the video itself feels like it represents that LOOONG road You and I have been on. I listen to You minister to me with…

Haven’t Seen It Yet, also by Danny Gokey.
Have you been praying and you still have no answers?
Have you been pouring out your heart for so many years?
Have you been hoping that things would have changed by now?
Have you cried all the faith you have through so many tears?
Don’t forget the things that He has done before
And remember He can do it all once more

And then You finish this time of loving on me with a song singing the very declaration I was determined to trust You with… I know You are Good!!
Nothing is more important to me than to keep it all about Christ! If there is anyone who understands pain… it is Your precious Son! My Jesus! ❤

I Know by Big Daddy Weave!
I know that You are good
I know that You are kind
I know that You are so much more
Than what I leave behind
I know that I am loved
I know that I am safe
‘Cause even in the fire, to live is Christ, to die is gain
I know that You are good

Thank You for spending so much time with me! Thank You for reminding me I am wanted, that my emotions matter, that my pain matters, and that my tears matter.. to You… and to me! Thank You for crying for Your children. When innocent children lost their loves, it’s horrible enough. But when no one cares, or knows about what has happened to be able to cry, it’s so much sadder… heart breaking. Thank You for crying!! Thank You for caring. Thank for the promise… the assurance that THERE WILL BE AN END TO ANY CHILD EVER BEING HURT AGAIN! And EVIL WILL PAY FOR EVERYTHING THEY HAVE EVER DONE!

Thank You for making us Yours. Thank You for giving us a place to belong. Thank You for creating LOVE to be a beautiful thing with You! Thank You that there is NO PERVERSION with You! Thank You for being You! And thank You for thinking I am worth spending the time with!

❤ I love You, Abba Father!

❤ I love You, Sweet Jesus!

❤ I love You, Holy Spirit!

My Birthday Fundraiser for 2020 (Ending)

“In every thing give thanks:
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”
– 1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV

Well, Father. My Birthday Fundraiser for 2020 for Sufficient Grace Outreach is coming to an end. There is just a little over 3 hours left.Sufficient Grace Outreach Birthday Fundraiser Picture

With a goal of $200,

we raised $160.

Praise Your Holy name, God! 

I know this falls short of the goal, but, Lord, whatever is left to raise I will commit to give the rest. It won’t be this coming week. It will probably be a couple of weeks out. The fundraiser is over so it will not show me giving it toward THAT birthday fundraiser, but it will show when I donate to Sufficient Grace Outreach individually. I will do another post to hold myself accountable and to make a witness for all of those who gave.

Please do not let them think they failed… THEY DID NOT! What YOU allowed, was what You allowed. Every penny matters when it comes to giving to others. We should be trying to give us as much as we can all of the time… for each other… and for those in need. And let us never forget to give to You first with our tithes, our lives, our time, our gifts & talents, our bodies, and in every way You let us know we can.

❤ ❤ Praise You, Father, for $160!!! ❤ ❤
❤ ❤ I love You, Father God!! ❤ ❤

Thank you to each one who gave, and for each one who prayed!
Me and God love you each!

Thank you, Amanda, for all that you do through Sufficient Grace Outreach!
Thank you for all of your support during the fundraiser!
I will pay whatever the remaining amount is of the fundraiser goal, and pray to be able to help you again soon! Me and God love you! ❤

My Birthday Fundraiser for 2020

My Birthday Fundraiser for 2020 (Update)

My Birthday Fundraiser for 2020 (Update)

“Praise ye the Lord.
Praise God in his sanctuary:
Praise him in the firmament of his power.
Praise him for his mighty acts:
Praise him according to his excellent greatness.
Praise him with the sound of the trumpet:
Praise him with the psaltery and harp.
Praise him with the timbrel and dance:
Praise him with stringed instruments and organs.
Praise him upon the loud cymbals:
Praise him upon the high sounding cymbals.
Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord.
Praise ye the Lord.”
– Psalm 150:1-6 KJV

Lord, I forgot to mention in my last post… My Birthday Fundraiser for 2020... that the fundraiser goal for  Sufficient Grace Outreach is $200 and already had $65 at that time. I meant to praise for you for that amount already! Now today You have it up to…

$110

and a little more
to put into the bank
so I can add it.

You already have it passing half way!!!

PRAISE YOUR HOLY NAME, LORD!!!

I pray You will put Your mighty on each dollar to multiply it, and to allow it to help exactly where You know it is needed. I wish I could give more, Father! But I do not say that to lessen what You have given! I am grateful! And I trust You will allow me to give more in the future. I pray for the ministry and for each You know is in need!

Bless each one who has given!

“Enter into his gates with thanksgiving,
and into his courts with praise:
be thankful unto him, and bless his name.”
– Psalm 100:4 KJV

My Birthday Fundraiser for 2020

My Birthday Fundraiser for 2020 (Ending)

 

My Birthday Fundraiser for 2020

To God be the glory. Great things He hath done.
So loved He the world that He gave us His Son
Who yielded His life an atonement for sin,
and opened the lifegate that all may go in.
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!
Let the earth hear His voice!
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!
Let the people rejoice!
O come to the Father through Jesus the Son,
And give Him the glory. Great things He hath done. ❤
– To God Be The Glory, hymn lyrics by Fanny Crosby

God, I am so excited FOR YOU! I do not mean that arrogantly or in a self-centered way. YOU know how I usually avoid my birthday, or at least making a big deal of it, and if I can get away with it not even mention it. I don’t mind so much after, but there’s just something so awkward about a birthday. It’s so uncomfortable. I am grateful for the life You give me, and for each day that I get to know Your love, and share Your love. That’s why I am also grateful that You give me family and friends who love to celebrate my day. Because of them, I get to say, “All the credit/glory goes to God for giving me another year of life. Each day is His blessing! My life is His testimony!”

Please forgive me for when I take my life for granted, and for when I carelessly and selfishly wish it over to be with You, or think of giving up. My life is not mine. It’s Yours. And I am very grateful. I am always amazed that I am still here with all of the health issues and scares, but it is just more evidence and a clear reminder that You are God and in control of my life. THANK YOU for taking control, for keeping control, and for allowing me the blessing to of those who want to celebrate my life too.

This year I gladly say it’s my birthday to honor YOU and the life You give me! And in celebrating the fact that my life is Your purpose, I prayerfully chose to do My Facebook Birthday Fundraiser for Sufficient Grace Outreach. Sufficient Grace Outreach Birthday Fundraiser Picture

This is the Sufficient Grace Outreach Facebook Page

SGO Facebook cover pic

And this is the  Sufficient Grace Outreach website

Sufficent Grace Outreach Facebook Profile Pic

Sufficient Grace Outreach, Inc is organized for the specific purpose of outreach to women and/or children involved in human trafficking , but will not limit their reach to this demographic realizing that the plight of victims of human trafficking is not limited to women and/or children. Sufficient Grace will reach out to anyone regardless of race, gender, or creed in order to help them achieve freedom and safety. As opportunity and need arises, Sufficient Grace Outreach Inc will expand its reach to anyone it finds in need.

If you know of someone or suspect someone is a trafficking victim please call the National Human Trafficking Hotline at

1-888-373-7888 or

Text to BeFree (233733).

Anyone can read a better break down about their mission and what they do HERE. The fundraiser will last a week, but they can give to Sufficient Grace Outreach any time.

Lord, You burden my heart for those who are trapped in Human Trafficking, prostitution, strip clubs, and many situations that we may not be aware of, but YOU are! Growing up in an environment where prostitution was actually glorified, forced, and erroneously taught to be a source of provision, I also know the violence, the degradation, and the hopelessness involved. The pretending you’re just fine and convincing yourself you chose the lifestyle while you hate yourself more and more each time. They need Your love. They need Your resources. They need Your help. They need You.
You use Amanda, Kris, and the many volunteers to send that help, to provide those resources, to share Your hope, and to share Your love with them. Thank You for what You do through her. I am grateful for her heart, and blessed to call her friend. Thank You for each time You allow me to take part in any way, however small! ❤ I pray for each one they have helped already, and for each one You will bring their way because You know they have such need. Help them to know You love them! ❤

So thank You again for my birthday, Lord!
51 years of life, love, provision, blessings, rescues, protections, hedges, health, friendships, family, church family, encouragement, blogging community…
and 43 of those years held in Your wonderful salvation as Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior! THANK YOU for Your Son and HIs love for me! THANK YOU for the gift of the Holy Spirit! And for YOU, my loving and sovereign Father! You three are…

the best birthday presents ever!

And presents are best shared! So let me make sure to tell everyone reading…

God loves you! He sent His only Son to die on the cross for me and you! (It’s a good thing. His son Jesus is alive and well. God waits to hug you when we get home!) ❤
Jesus Christ loves you so much He died for you! (It’s a good thing! He’s okay and alive and well. He has went home (to heaven) to prepare a place for you and me! That’s how much He loves you!
Holy Spirit loves you! He is the one who brings you comfort, peace, and understanding of God as you read the Bible, pray (talk one on one with God), and spend time listening to God. He prays for you because He knows we do not always know what is best to pray, and that sometimes we are too broken to pray. He brings that tender love. That is why God calls Him your Comforter. ❤

“For thou hast possessed my reins:
thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:
marvellous are thy works;
and that my soul knoweth right well.
My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret,
and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect;
and in thy book all my members were written,
which in continuance were fashioned,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God!
how great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand:
when I awake, I am still with thee.”
– Psalm 139:13-18 KJV

My Birthday Fundraiser for 2020 (Update)

My Birthday Fundraiser for 2020 (Ending)

 

4th Anniversary for gaillovesgod 4.28.2020

Praise Your Holy and Beautiful Name, Jesus! 
Glory to God in the Highest!
Honor to the Lord God Almighty!
In Your leading, in desires to tell the world about Your wonderful love towards me, and to tell them of the unconditional love You have for them, You have given me a journey of praise, sweet fellowship, beautiful friendships, a world of support (literally), and endless outpourings of Your love, both ways, flowing through all parts of Your creation!
4 years of being able to tell the world… Gail Loves God… and… God Loves You!
4 Year Anniversary Achievement

Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com!

You registered on WordPress.com 4 years ago.

Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging.

Thank You, Father, for every post, every comment, every beautiful soul You have allowed me to know. Whether they are still blogging, taking a break, or simply deleted their accounts altogether since, thank You for the time You allowed! I pray for each one!
Thank You for each award, tag, challenge, and all forms of sharing You allowed me to praise You in, tell the world of Your love, and that You allowed me to share how much You treasure them.
Thank You for every prayer You have allowed me to give and receive, and to share in together.
Thank You for every moment You have given me to cheer, for every hardship You walked me through, for everyone who walked through them with me, and for the many things You have allowed me to walk through with my community.
Most importantly, thank You that no matter where we were in the journey, whether up or down, whether joy or hardship, that You were praised, lifted, and kept first! For every time You allowed someone to see Your love in all things! Your faithfulness in all moments! And Your goodness in all challenges!

I love You, Father God! ❤

I love You, Jesus Christ! ❤

I love You, Holy Spirit! ❤