Dear Lord, How many ways You give to challenge me, to testify of You, to encourage and share with others, to do things only You know why You send my way. It might seem trivial to some, but even in awards and tags Your purpose is still Yours. So when Charity of Confessions and Thoughts of a Reluctant Preacher’s Daughter nominated me for the The Decade Tag, I am somewhat bewildered to think over the last ten years, but know there have been so many blessings that far out weigh the loss and changes that You have used to make all things new… including the new creature in me, and Your renewing my mind in You! ❤Thank you, Charity, for thinking of me with the Decade Tag. May the Lord bless you and your blog ministry! An honest and bold voice… for the Lord and for yourself. Honesty is a rare trait. I am blessed with your sweet fellowship! Me and God love you! ❤
To play along:
1- Please share a link to the creator of the tag- jesusluvsall.wordpress.com
2- Share some highlights for you over the past decade and if you want a few low points
3- Tag whoever you wish to.
4- Ask them some questions
5- Use any picture appropriate for such a tag.
As I have watched so many references and challenges going around on Facebook, WordPress, the doctor’s offices, physical therapy, on the news, and among family and friends, I have constantly found myself absolutely stumped to find a word to describe even 2019 as so many would question. When one individual asked waiting for an answer all I could think of after a long pause was… DONE. It wasn’t to be cynical. It was just simply being grateful for Your bringing me through so many things.
In trying to find a word or goal for the new year/new decade, YOU gave me the word when I became so ill in November that I was sick the whole month… CONVALESCE. You call a time out and tell me to come convalesce with You… to come away with You to nothing but rest, with my feet up, to heal and grow strong. And that is what You and I have been doing. You are setting the pace.
So when it came to looking back on the decade, I found I was always going back to 2000. It seems like it was just yesterday I was graduating with my second college degree when I finished my B.A. in English Literature, and was celebrating with my family. (You can see my son David looking on, a vision You have long used to remind me that I never know who is watching on what I do.). And I still feel like I have never gained the weight I have since then. My doctors can’t believe I was ever small, but I can’t believe I can be this big and live. I always struggle to breath past 135 (which is the lowest of my ideal eight for my height according to the doctors). I did not start to gain until I was 36 years old.
But then I began to lose the ability to be active , which I was very much. It was like my brain found it hard to comprehend that with all of the changes in our family, church, health, and so much more that only 10 years could sum it up. And yet it seemed like it was only yesterday. Especially the losses. But I know You have brought good! A lot of good! So with Your help in walking me through, I will find the praises You so rightly deserve!
This picture of me and Irene was taken around the time of 2010. We were doing a late night run to the store, and was testing out my new cellphone camera. Irene is now with Jesus. She lost a battle to stomach cancer in 2016, just one year after we lost mom. The list goes on and on. Since 2000 we have lost Gran, mom and dad, my brother Charlie, the rest of my dad’s sisters, my mom’s side only has one of the nine siblings of my grandmother left, and 1 sibling of my mom, and my stepdad Bobby and his sister are the only ones left of 10 siblings. We have lost so many church family, as well as family friends.
My greatest loss (because my family is safely with Jesus in their new bodies) has been my health. I have lost the ability to do too much. It has greatly robbed me of my strength, my spirit, my joy, and some day my hope. Each day I lose more, but through You I have so much gain… even in the loss!
“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” – Philippians 1:21
You have blessed me with so many people who loved and cared for me, and an abundance of those who still do! I am blessed more than many. Even in the losses, I have their memory with me… laughs, tears, fears, excitements, celebrations, and so many wonderful hugs! Some people have never experienced love, kindness, family, friends, and more importantly YOUR love and hugs. I am blessed beyond measure with Your whispers, Your kindnesses, Your sweet fellowships, Your only begotten Son, Your faithful Holy Spirit, and much more.
As for my health, I still have plenty to be thankful for. I am walking! I am tolerating standing better. I have been able to attend many bible studies and dinners with Keitha, Sarah, and many loving sisters in Christ!
I am better aware of my health, and I have an incredible team fighting for me and educating me in therapies and treatments. My body is Yours to do as You wish. I love You no matter what. And I know You love me no matter what! ❤
“But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not. For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you.”
– Philippians 1:22-24 KJV
And I am blessed with a wonderful gift in my son Anthoni. You have used him from day one to be a blessing and to teach me of Your love for me. He has had his own gains and losses this decade, and yet His love for You remains steadfast. I am grateful to witness the relationship between You two!
Charity’s Questions For Me:
1. What is the most important lesson you have learned in the past ten years?
I have no idea what will happen day to day, but I know that you are with us and care about every heartache, Life is pointless with out You!
2. Can you share a moment where you were laughing so hard you had tears in your eyes?
Yes, though my joy seems completely gone most days, you do surprise me sometimes. I came across this comedienne Jeanne Robertson telling about her husband “Left Brain.” They are both from the North Carolina area. I started binge watching her comedy and could not stop laughing when listening to her “Don’t Snap an Elephant to a Tree.” I laughed so hard it hurt. 🙂
3. How many jobs have you had in the past ten years?
I am ashamed to say none. Since my back got worse in 2005, I have struggled just to be walking each day.
4. Where do you see yourself ten years from now?
If I make it past the grave, I fear being in a nursing home, bedridden, in severe pain. I fear a lot of what I have witnessed in the many deaths I have seen… some long drawn out and horribly painful, some just too graphic, and some just let go because of the inconvenience it was to care for them. I honestly don’t know. God knows that my greatest desire is to be with Him, so I will be excited to be home soon! However… whatever He wants, is what I want! My life and my body are His!
“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.”
– 2 Corinthians 4:7 KJV
I choose to keep pressing forward, Lord! Whatever You want! 🙂
“I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
– Philippians 3:14 KJV
I choose to tag:
Caz of Invisibly Me
Carol Anne of Therapy Bits
Maxine of Heaven’s Reef
Wendi of Simply Chronically Ill
Please don’t feel obligated to participate.
Just wanted you to know you are thought of.
Thank you, Charity, for thinking of me!
Your kindness is much appreciated!
Me and God love you!! ❤