Yours, No Matter What!

Father God, Let me make it a point to first say, “Good early morning.” I love You and hope You’re blessed. Thank You for loving me. I’m sorry I have not been the testimony for you that I should.  I’ve been reading back over some former notes and journals…. my undying, unwavering love for You is not being expressed as it should lately. Instead a cloud with a never ending darkness hovering over my pen, my head, and even my totally devoted heart.

I was also taken back in thought today by remembering when I thought I didn’t deserve You and thought I was too tainted  for heaven, but I still cried out to You in love every day. Not because of me, but because of You. I told You time and time again that I was Yours even if You didn’t want me. That I understood if You didn’t, but that I still considered it Yours.

Many times when I thought today was surely the day when I would literally go insane, that this would be my breaking point, or would surely die, I would tell You to know that my heart, mind, body and soul was Yours, and always would be. Even if I went insane, to please see and hear my heart crying out to You, “I’m Yours!” I always will be. Even if You don’t want me, I love You! Please always hear that.

I pray that again now, Father. I have no idea what is going to happen from day to day. Will I lose my mind? My life? My health altogether? More than ever, I don’t know. And more than ever, I’m scared You’ll forget, or that I’ll say or do something I could never in my right mind do. But I know better than that.

I believe the majority of my problem are the medicines. No, I don’t care for the pain, the misery, and I do want to be mobile, functional, aware of my surroundings and behavior, so the side effects are the consequences. Seems there’s no simple or private solution. No peace.

Yet all I want my mind to focus on is You and the love of Your Son, my Savior Jesus Christ. What pain He suffered for me. He and the Holy Spirit both look out for me all day long, praying, guiding, whispering in my ear, and sending such comforting love like I’ve never known. May I ever endeavor to speak such words to You as You give to me. And no matter what happens, I love You! No matter what, I am Yours! I long to be home with You so much! Until Then! ❤

Until Then
-hymn lyrics by Stuart Hamblen

My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a trail that’s winding always upward,
This troubled world is not my final home.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I’ll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

The things of earth will dim and lose their value
If we recall they’re borrowed for awhile;
And things of earth that cause the heart to tremble,
Remembered there will only bring a smile.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I’ll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

This weary world with all its toil and struggle
May take its toll of misery and strife;
The soul of man is like a waiting falcon;
When it’s released, it’s destined for the skies.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I’ll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

Choir Buddies

Dear Lord… my Loving Savior… my dearest sweet Jesus… I was so saddened to hear of the passing of someone who was so dear to me. Someone who made me smile… even laugh. Someone who helped me in a time of tremendous heartache. Someone I loved being choir buddies with. I loved seeing her smile, and witnessing her joy filled spirit.

Sue Bailey
Sue Bailey

Sue was one of the many saints that loved on my little one from three years old, and loved on me as well. Wherever she passed by or sat next to me, she was always singing, smiling, and just glowing with You.

My favorite memory with her was when we were singing in the choir at a time they could tell I was going through some great turmoil. All my life I’ve sang in choirs and school groups, but there is something about singing hymns in a choir when you know what the words mean… when you wholeheartedly believe… a love that is absolutely everything you hope for and more. I never fail to cry when I have to keep singing those words when I am so hurt… or simply think on the love behind those hymns.

During that particular time, we had been practicing choir songs and for a Christmas cantata. I’m not sure how I never knew a problem we had in the choir, other than You, dear Lord, blessed me with not needing to know until… lol.

As we were singing, I went to turn the page and keep singing, but

*GASP!* 

The page was missing!

Mentally I was quickly thinking… “Oh no!”  And without missing a beat Miss Sue quickly but ever so discreetly leaned her book over for both of us to see and whispered with a smile, “We have some of those.” Right back to singing as though we had never missed a beat or brought any attention to ourselves. God, You were so awesome through her in that moment!

We would later laugh about it. It would be our personal joke to be told even just by the lift of an eyebrow, but to be ladylike… as Christlike as possible… never actually laughing in service or the choir… so as not to be disrespectful.

I miss being in a choir sometimes when I think of her and the others who were with us. I’ve not been in a choir since then. I’m not even been a member of that church for years. I still visit at times, and the souls there are just as precious as always.

I will miss Sue, Lord. She has been gone a good month or so now. I am happy for her gain. So touched to think of her finally being with You after seeing Your Light in her eyes for so long. I bet she loved her Jesus hug! Hug her once for me and tell I love her. Tell her I’ll see her soon! Both of You! Soon and very soon!

God loves you, Miss Sue!
And so do I! ❤

Lead Me, Lord!

” Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering;
not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?”
– Romans 2:4 KJV

“Thus saith the Lord, thy Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; I am the Lord thy God which teacheth thee to profit, which leadeth thee by the way that thou shouldest go.
– Isaiah 48:17 KJV

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
– Psalm 23:1-3 KJV

He Leadeth Me
– hymn lyrics by Joseph H. Gilmore

He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.

Refrain:
He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
By His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful foll’wer I would be,
For by His hand He leadeth me.

Sometimes ’mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
By waters still, o’er troubled sea,
Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.

Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.

And when my task on earth is done,
When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
Since God through Jordan leadeth me.

Holy, Holy, Holy!

“And the four beasts had each of them six wings about him; and they were full of eyes within: and they rest not day and night, saying,
Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come.”
Revelation 4:8 KJV

Holy, Holy, Holy
hymn lyrics written by Reginald Heber,

Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!
Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee;
Holy, holy, holy, merciful and mighty!
God in three Persons, blessed Trinity!

Holy, holy, holy! All the saints adore Thee,
Casting down their golden crowns around the glassy sea;
Cherubim and seraphim falling down before Thee,
Who was, and is, and evermore shall be.

Holy, holy, holy! Though the darkness hide Thee,
Though the eye of sinful man Thy glory may not see;
Only Thou art holy; there is none beside Thee,
Perfect in pow’r, in love, and purity.

Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!
All Thy works shall praise Thy Name, in earth, and sky, and sea;
Holy, holy, holy; merciful and mighty!
God in three Persons, blessed Trinity!

Holy is Your name, dear Lord! How often You have salved my soul during challenging days and nights. Storms can be so fierce, but You are far mightier. Yet You tend to comfort and bring such a peace solely from being You! Thank you for allowing me to learn this song years ago, and allowing me to remember it during times of hardship, and in simply starting the day keeping You first. I love You! ❤

❤ I love You, Father God! ❤
❤ I love You, Sweet Jesus! ❤
❤ I love You Holy Spirit! ❤