Yours, No Matter What!

Father God, Let me make it a point to first say, “Good early morning.” I love You and hope You’re blessed. Thank You for loving me. I’m sorry I have not been the testimony for you that I should.  I’ve been reading back over some former notes and journals…. my undying, unwavering love for You is not being expressed as it should lately. Instead a cloud with a never ending darkness hovering over my pen, my head, and even my totally devoted heart.

I was also taken back in thought today by remembering when I thought I didn’t deserve You and thought I was too tainted  for heaven, but I still cried out to You in love every day. Not because of me, but because of You. I told You time and time again that I was Yours even if You didn’t want me. That I understood if You didn’t, but that I still considered it Yours.

Many times when I thought today was surely the day when I would literally go insane, that this would be my breaking point, or would surely die, I would tell You to know that my heart, mind, body and soul was Yours, and always would be. Even if I went insane, to please see and hear my heart crying out to You, “I’m Yours!” I always will be. Even if You don’t want me, I love You! Please always hear that.

I pray that again now, Father. I have no idea what is going to happen from day to day. Will I lose my mind? My life? My health altogether? More than ever, I don’t know. And more than ever, I’m scared You’ll forget, or that I’ll say or do something I could never in my right mind do. But I know better than that.

I believe the majority of my problem are the medicines. No, I don’t care for the pain, the misery, and I do want to be mobile, functional, aware of my surroundings and behavior, so the side effects are the consequences. Seems there’s no simple or private solution. No peace.

Yet all I want my mind to focus on is You and the love of Your Son, my Savior Jesus Christ. What pain He suffered for me. He and the Holy Spirit both look out for me all day long, praying, guiding, whispering in my ear, and sending such comforting love like I’ve never known. May I ever endeavor to speak such words to You as You give to me. And no matter what happens, I love You! No matter what, I am Yours! I long to be home with You so much! Until Then! ❤

Until Then
-hymn lyrics by Stuart Hamblen

My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a trail that’s winding always upward,
This troubled world is not my final home.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I’ll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

The things of earth will dim and lose their value
If we recall they’re borrowed for awhile;
And things of earth that cause the heart to tremble,
Remembered there will only bring a smile.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I’ll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

This weary world with all its toil and struggle
May take its toll of misery and strife;
The soul of man is like a waiting falcon;
When it’s released, it’s destined for the skies.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I’ll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

25 thoughts on “Yours, No Matter What!

  1. Sweet Gail……..wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug right now. Thanks for sharing your heart and much of what you said I am feeling right along with you these days. But when I fell on shaky ground, I tell myself that GOD is in control. Like you, the closer I walk with JESUS the better. HE is my only HOPE and my ROCK and salvation. HUGS friend!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. PTL! He makes all things beautiful! You make me think on the hymn…. Isn’t He beautiful. Beautiful isn’t He. ❤
      Thank you for words that glorify our Father! ❤ And for the prayers!
      I LOVE that hymn! 🙂 I am grateful He blessed you! He is so precious! ❤
      Me and God love you!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Gail, I can feel your pain and anguish in your words and the love you have for God. He loves you so much and must be so thrilled to have YOU as part of HIS family. How could He forget someone who loves Him despite the hard path you have walked. I love you……..but not as much as He does. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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