Lord, This is meant to be a note to follow up for those You are allowing me to share the bible study You are currently allowing me to do.
Rachel & Leah: What Two Sisters Teach Us About Combating Comparison.
Written by Nicki Koziarz.
To follow the theme of Week One:
You Need To Be Honest,
I need to be honest in saying I did not get a chance to even do my homework until the the last hour or two before night 2. I was pulled off in a parking lot and realized right off… Oh no, this was a daily homework thing. So I did the best I could. Look for questions and comments I could answer.
I made it back to the church and realized I didn’t even bring in a camera. Thank You for the picture from last week! At least I remembered to bring the Bloom book by Caralyn, and the Coloring Journal. I gave those to Keitha (an assignment from You that took months to achieve.) I sat down with the ladies just in time before we began.
While we were having snacks and sharing our discussion, it would be right near the last conversation that You gave me a very clear message from Keitha! She was talking about the verse we were using for the week…
Psalm 139:1 “Lord, you have searched me and known me.”
In the homework it had said to read verses 1-16 of the chapter, and advised reading the whole chapter. I have loved this chapter for so long, so of course I read it all. When Keitha started talking about God knowing our thoughts… ALL of them… and still loving us… and she said this with excitement and amazement… and a “Girlfriend!” added on….
THAT was the whole week for me right there!
I hadn’t even realized that was the lesson. Because while I did have the nerve block that wiped me and left me feeling so amazingly calm and good, and very tired, I also struggled with thoughts! All kinds of random thoughts of past abuse, childhood memories, the filth I lived, the filth I’ve seen, the cruelty among people, family problems, sibling fighting, and more. These questions in the study just from the 1st night had stirred a lot of this. And as much as I would pray to the Lord for forgiveness and help to resist these thoughts, especially to stop interfering with praying and getting things done, it seemed like a battle I was losing. The only determination I seemed to follow through on was getting something read before night 2!
And there it was… YOU KNEW MY THOUGHTS! AND LOVE ME ANYWAY! ❤
I felt You personally saying… “And that was YOUR lesson for the week.”
From there I sensed Your leading to do a follow up to what I learned in the week, but this week it is exactly what the theme was… I have to be honest and say I didn’t get it read until just before night 2. Which meant I did not get anything accomplished between the physical issues and my thoughts, but I DID learn MY lesson for the week.
YOU KNOW ME! YOU KNOW MY THOUGHTS!
AND I AM STILL LOVED BY YOU! ❤
That’s what the verse had been all week…
Lord, thou hast searched me and known me! – Psalm 139:1
When Keitha said, “That’s what it’s all about. He knows where we are, what we are going through, what’s coming at us, and the thoughts we can’t seem to get away from. Girlfriend, He even knows when it’s all our own doing. But He loves us!” You immediately brought to mind the song You have just recently introduced me to… Known by Tauren Wells.
If I just allow myself to be honest about whatever is coming between You and me, no matter how much I fear I shouldn’t have that problem if I have You, no matter how much I fear You will be disappointed, and I just don’t want to do anything to hurt You. But in being honest, I am trusting You with what You already know… ME! No matter what comes at me or I simply need to hand over to You, I need to trust You.
I want to trust You! I do trust You! I trust You like no one else!
Lastly, You give me Jeremiah 17:7-8
“Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.”