Intentional Effort

Fear… what a powerful foe! It has such a powerful grip… such a vast chasm of darkness… such a terrorizing torture on an already human mind. For weeks now fear has just had a choke hold on me. It has had me at its mercy. And what a horrible contradiction to what the very definition of mercy is. Why do we use that expression to refer to being someone’s prisoner? Bound by something or someone that we have no control over nor choice to get away from? What a cruel mockery of the true mercy You provide, Father.

Mercy is when we don’t receive a punishment or consequence that we do deserve.

Fear has this very unmerciful hold on even the righteous sometimes. Your Son was under Fear’s fierce attack in the garden. Even after Your angels ministered unto Him, He had to return and pray twice more while in such agony. Afflicted with human flesh and the godly knowledge of what He had yet to suffer, and to know it would begin any moment… weighed heavily on Him. So if there is anyone who understands how fear has been imprisoning me for the last several weeks, it has been my Lord and Savior.

Fear to move… fear to speak… fear to blog… fear to write… fear to watch this… fear to do that… fear to think… fear to communicate… fear to interact… fear to breathe…. fear to exist… and yet scared to death to fail to do any of these.

I’ve made intentional efforts along the way on several of these things through Your leading, Lord. Acting in faith. Some I have been able to make at least one step forward. Some I have yet to actually move. I have mentally went to lift a foot, but it felt like being stuck in a concrete block. If it had not been for feeling my muscles trying to contract, I wouldn’t have thought I even tried. But I know You know I have. I haven’t given up, but I recognize the challenge.

Yet no matter how much of a mighty foe fear is, I know a far Mightier Warrior! A Valiant King! A king who will NOT allow His children to remain prisoner. And just as You allowed the angels to minister to our precious Jesus in the garden, You have been faithful and loving to minister to me wherever it is I have been. And You are THE Almighty! Meaning You are Mightier than ALL Your foes! And my foes are Your foes! So they stand to be reckoned with by You!

So I make this intentional effort to blog because I know You will bring me out of this place. This darkness makes it hard to see where I have been, where I am now, where I am going, and in which direction to go, but I see Your Great Light. Even just a flicker of Your Shining Love is enough to lead me, to cheer me, to reach into my soul and keep me breathing. I know You know I’m in here. I know You know I’m trying. This is all I need… because You are the only one I answer to.

These demons who disguise themselves in false light just don’t shine the way You do, so they cannot make me smile the way You do.

You keep me going, smiling, singing, trusting, loving, living in joy…
 ❤ just to know You are! ❤

Keep shining, Lord. Keep leading. I’m following… even if it’s just by allowing You to carry me because I am either weak, or as stubborn as Lot. Keep doing what You’re doing in me. I fall more and more in love with You every day. And I love even that! ❤

See how You erase fear even as we enjoy one another! Thank You for teaching me about true reverent fear… true loving mercy… and genuine saving grace. Oh but for the love of Your salvation! You rescue everyone of us when You lift us up out of the miry pit of fear, darkness, and agony, just as You lifted our Savior in His hour of need. I need You, Father. Every hour, I need You! I love You! ❤

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