Fear… my long time acquaintance… unwelcomed… and welcomed. Fear has known me a lot longer that I have known him… terrifying me in the night… crashing in on my world… trying to please my attacker to cease the moment… seeing things that my eyes wish they had never seen so that my memory would have never had cause to remember… darkness that has try to choke me breathless… and plenty of times in there being afraid to say, No.
As I learned fear was normal, and that I wasn’t alone in fear I became comforted but unfortunately expected it… either I created the circumstance and deserved it, or it was so normal I was to bear it because I was no better than anyone else, and if I didn’t someone would bear it in my place. And there was always someone else who had it worse.
Then praise the name of Jesus, I learned the truth of fear: its birth, reason, innumerable faces, and loss of power to the name and blood of Jesus Christ! Amazing Grace is a song many know, but rarely the words… especially to all the many lines. I have been blessed to learn 7 of them. Fear draws us near to God… because we fear what we do not understand. Unbelieving souls will pray to an unknown God they do not believe in. That is okay. He longs for that. When we genuinely go to Him, He is faithful. Even if He does not remove the fear or explain why, He will comfort us, or make an escape for what we think we cannot bear any longer.
Saying no didn’t seem like a fear till someone pointed it out to me once when I was trying to make a change, but kept being pulled back by the fear. His advice, “No matter where you go there WILL be tragedies. It will NOT be because you made a change. It will be easy to think that if you had not made the change the tragedy wouldn’t have happened. It is NOT your fault. Tragedy happens everywhere we go.” His advice made all the difference in the world. It helped me to face the fear, say no, and prefer facing fear head on, with God as my shield.
I would love to tell that was the end of the story, but my life continues, so fear continues. My strength has greatly waned, but I am working on trusting the one who tells me in His word, “Fear Not.” He strengthens me with a song How Can I Fear With Jesus?, His word, my family, His family, friends, and sometimes a good friend who patiently listens to you and doesn’t give up. With an example of God’s patience by my side, I am able to remember the power of God being patient by my side.
I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39 KJV